The show opens up with JR plugging the HBK/Henry match all the while backstage Patterson is plugging Grenier (ahhh, obligatory Patterson joke completed)

Y2J & Christian Vs. Booker T. & RVD; We are spared a twenty minute interview segment and go straight to the ring. Very good little match here as all four click. One cool spot sees Booker T. hit a double "Ask-Kick" on both Jericho and Christian. RVD continues his streak of full-on kicking Jericho in the face leaving the letters "OHADI" written backwards on Y2J's head. The clever Canadians eventually steal it when Jericho hits RVD with the rear naked choke drop as Christian holds RVD's legs down so he can't kick free (A frequent Jason Hart dating routine).

Austin runs into the unbridled charisma that is Johnathan Coachman and lets Coach know that he's going to whoop his ass whether Team Austin wins or loses at Survivor Series.

Terri Runnels interviews Molly Holly backstage about her impending Title match with Lita. Molly tells Terri that her(Terri) and Lita have alot in common. Besides big fake tits and a case of Butter face (Everything is good "but her face") what's left?...Anyway Molly beats the shit out of Terri dragging her out to the ring until Lita runs out to even the score. Lita chases Molly out towards the crowd when someone hits Lita with a wrench. JR bellows "it must be a setup!" As if a secret unplanned attack doesn't make it a foregone conclusion. The mystery fan turns out to be Gail Kim and the duo double-DDT Lita.

Stone Cold runs into HBK backstage who is wearing his HBK Jesus Fish T-shirt. (It was common place 2000 years ago that Shawn Michaels fans would signal each other by drawing an HBK Fish in the sand, so not to be seen by the Romans, as being an HBK mark was a death sentence in those days.) Austin not so subtly tries to ask HBK about joining his team and makes mention of wanting to raise as much hell as possible, which last time I checked wasn't exactly on the top of the agenda for Born Again Christians. After a painfully slow reaction, HBK finally accepts Austin's offer to be the 5th member of his squad.

Christian checks on Lita backstage who's being attended by the 400 pound trainer. All's well so Christian leaves her, but not before shooting a huge shit eating grin all but signalling to the audience that it's all a ruse. That's what I hate about WWE. Nothing is just left to our imagination as the WWE insists on letting us in on storylines rather than letting the story pan out. Is it obvious? Sure it is. However I'd like to just watch without being walked through by WWE for the benefit of the three people who don't "get it".

Maven Vs. Batista; Maven's trunks seem to be made out of a Glad trash-bag which is kind of apropos if you think about it. Standard "Me-Batista!..Me-Smash!" type of offense here. Batista counters a "Maven-Effect" with his third offensive maneuver, the clothesline. Batista powerbombs Maven for the win.

Well Batista spine-busters, clotheslines and powerbombs so a World Title push is all but sewn up for the big man. However when your in ring versatility makes Kevin Nash look like Dean "Fucking" Malenko, I'd say it's time to vary your offense.

We see Kane out by the ambulance and we get that whacky Wayne's Worldesque flashback (doodleydoo, doodleydoo,doodleydoo...). However, there appears to be no Scooby Doo ending insight.

Dudley Boyz Vs. Garrison"Hoss" Cade & Mark "Hoss" Jindrak; This is a "non-title" match, and the stipulation of "non-interesting" match is thrown in there as well. All four mean work hard at least. The end comes when as Bubba has completed the flip, the flop and the fly being on deck, Scott Steiner strangely shows up with Stacy pressed over his head allowing a distraction so Cade can break out a "clothesline from Purgatory" (not quite Hell, yet) on Buuba for the dukeroo. After the match The Duds are all smiles giving Cade and Jindrak the "Oh you little dickens!" look, sans the playful rustling of the hair though.

Austin and Bischoff have the "official contract signing" for their teams match at Survivor Series. I'm not going to get into this one because quite frankly I don't want to. Bottom-line is Randy Orton is now an official member of the Bischoff team.

Batista runs into Stone Cold backstage and calls him a coward.

Lance Storm Vs. The ghost of Rico; They're still beating a dead horse with Rico's gimmick here. Val Venis is out at ringside with the local strippers ala Godfather 1999; Short but decent match here as Lance knocks the moth balls off the old Canadian Maple Leaf and forces Rico to tap out. Val and the "ladies" come into the ring and everyone dances, much the way everyone would in Stu Hart's Dungeon....Bleh.

Jericho and Trish are talking backstage. Trish informs Y2J that she will be teaming with the sun fucked Kurrgan known as John Heidenreich tonight. She then reveals that Heidenreich showed her "Little Johnny" prompting Jericho to call him a pervert.

John Heidenreich & Trish Stratus Vs. Victoria & Steven Richards; Trish and Victoria carry the tempo until Turkey-man tags in and lays some 1985 offense down baby! Basketball Star Lebron James is at ringside and Lawler makes mention of him making eyes at Trish who's probably thanking her stars it's not Kobe Bryant in ringside...BONG. Heidenreich ends up winning with some sort of backbreaker into a gut wrench powerbomb on Steven that was as sloppy as a guy with two hooks trying to eat a hard Taco. (I've actually seen this in person).

Stone Cold tells Coach that he's going to be the special enforcer for tonights Henry/HBK match and says that he'll take any interference in this one as a sign of provocation.

HBK Vs. Marek Henry. Michaels actually pulls out some 1996 magic and carries Henry to a credible match. The bulk of the contest sees Henry manhandling Michaels but HBK rebounds and hits a super kick on the button after Henry botched a Vader-Bomb for the pin.

Austin congratulates HBK and then asks him to leave the ring because he's got business to take care of. HBK does, so Austin calls out Batista, who by the way this one is being booked should be facing Goldberg at Survivor Series as opposed to the absentee HHH.

Batista comes out after the break and he and Austin go at it. Henry tries to get involved and eats a stunner (and just about everything else backstage). This distraction allows Batista to beat down Austin until Bill Goldberg is shown limping to the ring. Goldberg lays out Henry with a steel chair then spears Batista in the ring. He's about to "Pillmanize" Batista (not to be confused with dying in your Hotel room) when Flair runs out and gets a spear for his efforts. This momentary distraction allows Batista to roll out of the ring unscathed.

Austin then wants to drink beer with Goldberg but "Da Man" refuses. Austin says to Goldberg: "You know what happens to people who don't drink beer with Stone Cold?" Goldberg answers: "Ya, I've talked to Debra"...Ok that last part is bullshit. Anyhoo, Goldberg demands Batista for next week and Austin obliges and they drink together. How sweet.

-I thought this show was Okay, but something seemed like it was missing (not HHH), plus building it completely around Austin who can't wrestle and Batista who has no one to wrestle is kind of counterproductive at this point.

Highlight: Opening tag match with Jericho/Christian Vs. RVD & Booker T. This is how you should always open up a show.

Lowlight: The contract signing. Painfully boring Dejavu for a match that has already been announced for three weeks.

Before we get to the Rant I have to say how much I hate our shitty Canadian TV here. While all you Americans were watching RAW live, dick in hand, waiting for another Jackie Gayda "nip-slip", us Canucks were forced to wait until past 10 because of a Hockey Game. Fucking Canadian broadcasting. They'd never do this to Degrassi or Royal Canadian Air Farce! You think they'd postpone Anne Murray? Not on your life. She's the most powerful woman in the history of Canada you know, (And not Celine Dion, whom WE FUCKING HATE). In any event it finally came on, and I can't help but feel a little violated...Ok maybe not, but Jackie might've fallen out again, and I'd have missed it. Anyhoo...

The show opens up with Eric Bischoff in the ring with the RAW Roulette wheel and two showgirls. HBK interrupts Bischoff who in turn is interrupted by Batista who claims it's because of him that Austin is gone. The two want to get it on but Bischoff instead makes that match for the PPV, much to the "Delight" of the Utah crowd. Come on Eric, give them something, all they have are the Osmonds & Roseanne Barr (who for the record was never really the same after her Uncle Epstein got sick....Ok, now I'm being stupid.) Eric does state that since they want each other so bad they can face each other in tag action with Flair as Batista's partner and Jericho as HBK's.

Lita Vs. Victoria in a Steel cage match; Lita is forced into this match by the wheel which is spun by Molly Holly. Victoria is not accompanied by Steven Richards who is probably still at home trying to scrub the puke off his rugs....What? Come on, how long am I supposed to wait before I can make fun of someone dying?...Lita manages not to "Gail Kim" herself or Victoria and eventually hits the moonsault but opts to crawl out of the cage as opposed to going for the obvious pin. Matt Hardy however is waiting and slams the door on her head allowing Victoria to score the pinfall.

Matt Hardy comes into the cage after the match presumably to beat down Lita when Christian makes the save.

Randy Orton is backstage awaiting what his match will be tonight. Bischoff says that he spun the wheel already and it landed on "Legend Killer" match. Bischoff said that he flew in a Legend just for this match.

Hurricane and Rosie come to Bischoff asking what they're match is going to be.The wheel lands on "Capture the Midget" match that was of course made famous by Ed "Strangler Lewis in the 1930's. As much as I wanted to see a "capture of the midget" match I'd be remised if I didn't say that I was wishing that it had landed on Albino Inferno match...whatever.

Randy Orton Vs. Half of Sgt. Slaughter; Apparently The Sarge accidentally ran over a Gypsies daughter and as revenge he cursed Slaughter with "Thinner" (Come on! I can't be the only one who knows Stephen King!). Sarge must have dropped like a hundred pounds since he last wrestled in July. Sarge gets the cobra-clutch early but Orton escapes and eventually goes low on the Sarge and hits him with the RKO for the win.

Orton tries to beat down Sarge post-match but RVD makes the save.

Val Venis and Lance Storm are talking backstage with their "dates" when the midget runs by being chased by Rosey & Hurricane and hilarity ensues, and by "hilarity" I mean the complete opposite of. Thanks Brian Gerwirtz, and congratulations on a job...done.

Matt Hardy is back with the wheel and it lands on "Strange Bedfellows" to which Matt has a funny ad lib of "I don't know what you've heard but Matt Hardy is straight", I would have marked out though had he followed up that statement with: "However, my brother Jeff, He LOVES DA COCK". Eric tells Matt that the match will be a tag team match with unlikely partners.

"GARRISON" Cade & Bubba Ray Dudley Vs. Matt Hardy & Christian; During the match Jim Ross tries desperately to put over Cade, even stating: "remember the name "Garrison Cade, folks", Although maybe JR should follow his own advice. Ok match that sees Cade exhaust at least 4 out of the 5 moves in the big book of generic Texan wrestling holds (1991 Dustin Rhodes wrote the book). Matt walks out on Christian during the match allowing Bubba to hit the Bubba-bomb on Christian and Cade to tag himself in and hit a flying elbow from the top for the win.

After the match Cade and Bubba have words and they tease some decention.

Goldberg Vs. HHH's Big Fucking Ego; The whole world took their hat off to HHH after the Survivor Series but after the last two weeks of RAW I've glued my hat to my head in regards to the H's. The announcers make mention that Goldberg is still nursing the injured ankle, although it might have been a good idea to maybe remind Goldberg of that. They put this match on in the middle of the show all but guaranteeing no Title change. HHH and Goldberg put on a decent outing and Goldberg looks to have things wrapped up after a military press into a powerslam when Randy Orton slides in and tries to RKO Goldberg but ends Goldy ends up spearing Randy as the timekeeper mysteriously rings the bell. However, it's simply a miscue and H's hits the pedrigree of DEATH but before he can get the three, Kane explodes down the aisle and this one shmazzes out.

Kane chokeslams Goldberg;

Backstage HHH barges into Bischoff's office and demands another Title match with Goldberg (sigh) but Kane barges in and demands the same thing. Bischoff decides to make it a triple threat match to appease everyone...well except me and 90% of Wrestling Fans.

Mark Henry Vs. Booker T. Poor Book remains trapped in limbo with a 400 pound albatross around his neck. This match is a "Salt Lake City Street Fight" but some how I don't think the latter day saints would approve. Typical Steve Blackman-esque hardcore match here with trash cans and such. Mark impresses everyone who has the last name of McMahon by bending some stuff. Book ends up eating a couple of trash can shots(!?) and Henry pins him, but hey it doesn't surprise me, the only "Book" to ever go over here was the Mormon bible.

The wheel is shown landing on Bra & Panties matches and apparently Trish will compete in said event.

Trish is shown running into Jericho and she asks him to "do the right thing" tonight with HBK and she has an incentive for him tonight if he does. What a whore. But, hey, I LOVE whores!

The midget ends up in JR's lap and he's announced the winner. I really wanted to make a joke here but it speaks for itself.

RVD Vs. Test & Scott Steiner; Bischoff and Orton spin the wheel making RVD's match a handi-cap Singapore cane match with Test and Steiner, although the name "You better keep your fucking stoner mouth closed from now on!" match somehow seems more fitting. RVD tries his darndest to fend off the two but he ultimately succumbs to Test but at least gets a five-star splash on Steiner first.

Jericho tries to get Trish out of her bra and panties match but Eric isn't budging. Eric tells Jericho that he's falling for Trish and asks Jericho where he stands tonight, but Chris insists he'll do the righ thing.

Trish Stratus Vs. Miss Jackie in a Bra and panties match; Although the object of this match was to strip down, Jackie seemed paranoid of another curtain call of her nipples. Standard B & P stuff here. Rico gets pantsed revealing him to be wearing a thong and thankfully he was wearing it the right way...Trish loses her top but ends up winning by stripping Jackie down, although to the chagrin of the audience all baggage remains stowed.

HBK & Y2J Vs. Ric Flair & Batista; Very good match here. One scary spot sees Flair take an irish whip to the ropes but the rope slips over his head as he's rebounding and it breaks his nose. Flair immediately slips to the outside to survey the damage but finishes the match with blood gushing. HBK accidentally nails Jericho in the interim and then hits a superkick on Flair. Jericho comes back in and superkicks HBK who actually falls on top of Flair for the win.

Jericho walks off post match and Batista hits a sit-out powerbomb on Michaels. Batista then strangles HBK with his bare hands (probably drawing the jealousy of at least 5 different former WWF employees) until HBK does the old Ken Shamrock condom filled with blood schtick....not to be confused with Pat Patterson, who has a similar routine..I told Grenier to not work the glut so hard!......

End show.

I enjoyed this show. Sue me.

Highlight: The Main Event delivered and the Roulette wheel brought a level of excitement to matches I'd usually write off.

Lowlight: As stupid as the midget was I still have to go with HHH's selfishness. You hear that? That's the sound of about 10,000 angry fat people typing "I hate HHH" on their computers. You can just imagine Trips going to Vince after Survivor Series saying: "People are going to think I'm not as good a Goldberg" and Vince buying it. Bleh. I really want to miss you Trips..If you'd just leave already.