Double M’s WWE SmackDown Recap – 08.05.04 by: Michael Melchor

The views and opinions expressed herein are those solely of the author and may not necessarily reflect those of the rest of the human race.

In the words of Rerun (RIP), “Hey HEY hey!” Thanks once again for clicking this here Rasslin’ Recap and hope you enjoy. I’ll have to apoligize about the short introduction now, but this has been one HELL of a week~!

Quite a bit has gone down in the past few days. A lot of shakeups at 411Mania, a lot of changes being planned...and a lot of new responsibilities. I’ll go into more detail when I have time (probably in Monday’s 411Music’s that for a tease?), but there’s a Whole Lotta Shakin’ Goin’ On and things are only going to get busier from here...

Relax – I’m not departing The Wrestling Fan or anything over it. I’m still hanging out here for as long as I possibly can. Consider your self warned.

Before we get to the proper show recap, there IS something else that caught my eye recently on 411’s news boards:

Most Warming Up To JBL As WWE Champion

Most backstage were against the decision to put the WWE Title on John Bradshaw Layfield, but many have since changed their tune. Bradshaw has won over many who now feel him to be a worthy champion and a legit main eventer.

Credit: Torch Newsletter

No, I’m not going to waste several pages on this or anything, but DAMNED if I won’t take the opportunity to say...What did I tell you?!. THIS is what happens when you think in terms of logic and good business (as JBL himself would put it) instead of workrate and who supposedly deserves a push. Believe it or not, Vince knows what he’s doing – and I hope that some people feel REAL stupid right now.

Okay, okay, enough with putting myself over – we have some pimping to get to. In the wake of a major web shakeup, The Wrestling Fan continues to remain not only unfazed, but to bring the good stuff as well. Be sure to check the main page for Sean, Christopher, Gadaffi, Dr. Gonzo, Richard, Renee, and Brad (!!), and take a gander over at the side for Harry Simon and a newcomer SURE to rock the boat.

SmackDown – 08.05.04

Show opens with General Manager Theodore Long in his office, where he’s been inspired by Vince McMahon and Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. (now THERE’S a combination) by making this week’s show an event to remember. He implores the home viewing audience to call his mama—wait, sorry...wrong guy. He implores the home viewing audience to call their friends and family and tell them not to miss a minute of the action, as we’re going to determine the #1 Contender to Booker T’s US Title RIGHT NOW!

John Cena vs. Rob Van Dam – #1 Contender’s Match For The US Title

No credits OR pyro from Houston, TX – just straight to action. I like it already. Replay shows of Booker T’s US Title win last week.

John Cena has something to prove here as the Champ who never lost the Title. Cena does so with his patented “Ground And Pound” (™ Michael Cole), but with more behind it as the man is determined to prove who the real Champion is. Mean while, Rob Van Dam, in a SHOCKING turn of events, brings his aerial game, along with his unorthodox kicks and speed to dazzle Cena for the victory (haven’t had to use that in a while). The action goes to:


before we see that the clash of styles can play off well and give BOTH men a chance to look their best. However, that same clash can only favor one man – and normally it’s the one who’s the most driven...

Finish comes when In The Back, Booker T calls for someone to “finish him!” and RVD attempts to oblige by going up top. Instead of the Five Star Frog Splash, however, RVD switches up and lands a legdrop – and only gets 2. Both men are back up and Cena hits a clothesline and a running back elbow. Feeling the momentum, Cena goes for the shoulderblock – and gets 2. Cena then nails RVD with a side slam before the 5 Knuckle Shuffle gets 2! RVD refuses to die, catching Cena up top with a well-placed kick and cinches in a superplex, but Cena reverses the roll-through and covers RVD for the pinfall. Excellent opener as RVD may have some life left in him after all.

Post-match, RVD and Cena shake hands in a show of sportsmanship. In The Back, Booker T is upset at the outcome and Long looks to get his thoughts. Booker doesn’t sweat it – he beat Cena last week. Long states that BOTH men could beat each other on any given night, and since Booker was 5-TIME WCW Champion, he’ll defend the US Title against John Cena in a Best Of 5 Series – and the first match happens at SummerSlam.

John Cena celebrates his victory in the crowd and takes us to:


Back to Eddie Gurrero (in a yellow convertible lowrider) with Torrie Wilson, Sable the Skag Whore and Dawn Marie. In the ring is Angle’s stuff that YOU can buy at WWE’s Auction site – but only until later tonight! The countdown to Angle’s ass-kicking has begun, as has the time for the end of the auction. To the end, Eddie has brought the Divas to help “up the ante” and help get rid of this stuff. Torrie has a seat in the wheelchair with the cast on and Sable the Skag Whore signs it. No word on whether “the Skag Whore” is included in the autograph. Kurt’s doctored portrait gets the John Hancock treatment as well. Eddie takes quite a few liberties with the Divas...didn’t we find out that Eddie was married when JBL messed with Eddie’s Mama? Eddie reminds us (via video footage) that he beat Angle the last time they met, and states that he’ll do so again at WWE’s “Summer Games”. Angle points out that Angle won in the Olympics, but at these “Summer Games” that won’t be the case. Eddie then rolls footage of a SummerSlam commercial (?) featuring Eddie in the 100-yard dash – and winning after he’s glued the other runners’ shoes to the starting blocks. Very nice. Eddie then takes his leave and takes us to:


Back to

Rene Dupree (with FiFi) vs. Orlando Jordan

Cole welcomes Jordan back after some “family problems”, but it’s all for naught. Jordan’s biggest handicap is that he brings a very bland offense (including a LOT of punches from his Boxing background), but maybe in his absence he’s fine-tuned his game enough to counter the know-how, talent, and dirty tactics of someone like Dupree...

Finish comes when Jordan comes off the top rope with a cross-body block – and gets a very quick pinfall on Dupree! Hope you didn’t blink – you may have missed Jordan’s new push if you did...

In The Back, Josh Matthews greets WWE Champion John Bradshaw Layfield with the question of whether or not he fears the Undertaker. JBL states that he is not only nonplussed, but that he will call out The Undertaker tonight. That’s an awful lot of confidence to take us to:


Back to

Kurt Angle (with Luther Reigns) vs. Charlie Haas (with Miss Jackie)

Angle may face a true test here. Not only has he not stepped in a ring in nearly half a year, but he faces a former student – and a man that may know as much as he. Kurt is determined to prove that he never lost a step and that no one is finer than he on the mat. Angle also seems to be very protective of his neck, adjusting his style to become the best PURE wrestler in WWE. After we go to:


we see that Haas knows his former teacher well, and proves it at every turn. Haas didn’t become a multi-time Tag Champion as a result of being carried. Haas knows what he can do in that ring – and he’s not hesitant in the least to teach his former mentor a lesson. The show started with a clash of styles, and the first hour begins with a clinic steeped in personal pride for both competitors.

Finish comes when Angle finally maneuvers his way into his one-two special – the Angle Slam and the Ankle Lock. As a result, Haas is forced to tap out, putting an end another excellent match.

Post-match, Kurt almost refuses to let go but does and decides to celebrate instead, taking us to:


Back to Cole and Tazz with a rundown of both sides of the SummerSlam card (with music provided by Rush! Easily the best theme band EVER to grace WWE PPV). Raw Rebound then airs, taking us to:


Back to

Paul London & Billy Kidman © vs. The Basham Brothers – WWE Tag Team Championship Match

London & Kidman have found their niche by taking their seamless high-risk offense and superior teamwork (now with matching tights!) and turning up the volume on it. The Bashams, by contrast, are well-versed on the mat (enough to have won the Titles before) and just plain sneaky like many good teams before them. However, even the Andersons had to fall to the Rock N’ Roll Express eventually...

Finish comes when London comes off the top on Danny Basham with a lethal 450 Splash (suppose it’s too much to ask him to use the Shooting Star Press) and gets the pinfall

In The Back, Spike Dudley and Rey Mysterio make their way to the ring, taking us to:


Back to another promo of John Heidenreich (and yes, that’s the proper spelling of his last name). So when do we get to see Little Johnny debut again...?

WWE Cruiserweight Champion Rey Mysterio & Spike Dudley vs. The Dudley Boyz

So why is it again that Spike got his own entrance? What’s that – “foreshadowing”? Never heard of it...

Now we get to examine the dynamic of a (SPOILER WARNING) heel turn. Putting the circumstances about to follow aside, Buh Buh Ray and D-Von would normally use their power and size to its utmost advantage in savagely beating down their smaller opponents and half-brother...and they stick to that. They have to – it’s part of the plan.

Rey and Spike would normally counter that by parlaying their advantages – speed, agility, and fearlessness – into a plan to chip away at the Dudleys en route to the win.

But...what happens when one partner has a gameplan of his own? Simple – he acts like he is. Spike HAS to convince Rey he’s on the right side in order to have any chance of getting the drop on his “partner” later on. And Spike does a terrific job of that, taking it to his brothers (knowing he has little chance of actually hurting them) until he “hurts his leg” going for the Double Stomp on D-Von. Spike then sits out the rest of the match, cheering Rey on in his time of need enough in order to convince him that his heart is in the match.

Finish comes when Rey trips Buh Buh and goes for the 619, but D-Von trips Rey and slides in to help Buh Buh hit the 3D and get the victory.

Post-match, Spike apologizes to Rey for not being there – and then kicks Rey low, unleashing the real plan. Spike calls for Buh Buh and D-Von to “Get the tables!” and the brothers Dudley set Rey up on a table in the ring with the WWE Cruiserweight Championship belt placed on his chest. Spike goes up top and delivers the Double Stomp onto Rey and the belt! Spike celebrates with his brothers, taking us out of a VERY well-done (and long overdue?) turn and into a:


Back to WWE Champion JBL out to the ring. He states that he’s glad to have left his old home of Houston for the confines of New York City before he gets to serious business. He’s NOT afraid of The Undertaker and calls him out NOW. The call is answered – by a midget version of The Undertaker. Kinda cute, but we’ve seen this before. The LittleTaker takes his time coming to the ring and JBL continually tells him that he’s not skeered. Hell, who would be? JBL tells LittleTaker that he looks a lot bigger on television and stoops low to look him in the eye as he promised. The short gags flow like wine until he feints a Tombstone on LittleTaker – and then the lights go out. Once on, JBL loses his mind and tosses the midget at the real thing. JBL gives an excuse or three and attempts to haul ass, but Undertaker catches him and prepares the beatdown. Orlando Jordan (!!) comes out to make the save, however, and JBL escapes due to the distraction. JBL makes it plain that he owes Jordan his life as they leave and the Undertaker bows in the ring and shuts out the lights...and the midget joins him. Undertaker doesn’t find this funny in the least and Chokeslams (!!) the little guy in the ring to end the show.

The show is gaining steam under the leadership of Teddy Long (and a renewed direction), I have to admit. Everybody seems to be out of the doldrums and a lot more inspired to put on their best. Hell, even Rob Van Dam looked like he had a fire lit under him tonight (and NOT the one used to light a bong). Frest stories and events have seemed to do wonders for SmackDown.

Two excellent matches and more build to the 2nd biggest show of the year really stood out tonight – as well as some interesting twists. A couple of heel turns have gone down – one I never thought would happen (but I’m damn glad it did) and another that may lead to a rising star in the midcard (what’s with Jordan helping out Bradshaw, anyway?).

It may be yet another “new era”, but it has a lot more promise than the last one. Meet the New Boss – definitely NOT the same as the Old Boss.

L8. Thanks again for reading.

For more interesting (?) reading, click here.

Be sure to visit EdWolf for all of your (non-video) gaming needs, Rehab Radio for some good surfing music, and The Wrestling Fan for a good chuckle or two.

Double M’s WWE SmackDown Recap – 08.12.04 by: Michael Melchor

The views and opinions expressed herein are those solely of the author and may not necessarily reflect those of the rest of the human race.

Heya and thanks once again for checking back in, especially with the crop of new blood (Gags!) and the old guard we have on the Main Page kicking my ass eight ways to Sunday. But you youngsters probably don’t know that old expression...

As I type this, the State of Florida is on yellow alert and bracing for Charlie. No idea if work’s open tomorrow to go to or WHAT the hell’s going on. And poor

Yayo – he might be knee-deep in water right about now!

And that’s the thing – he might be. Lord only knows which way Charley is going, but Jesus CHRIST, you should see the local media here! You’d think that the End truly IS here! I didn’t see people panic this bad over Y2K, even.

And for what? A storm that will, in all likelihood, pass nowhere near us and drill some poor unsuspecting area like Louisiana instead? I can’t wait to watch people feel like complete dumbasses when Charley swerves worse than Vince Russo and goes west instead.

I’ve been here in Daytona for all of my 30 years. In that time, we’ve had TWO major storms plow through our city – Donna (in 1979) and Floyd (20 years after that). See a pattern at all? And both times, the city took a bad hit but NOTHING compared what’s happened to places like Homestead and the Carolinas (which always seems to have their Hurricane Bait laid out, because those motherfuckers get hit every time one even comes close).

Now, you know how many Hurricane panics I’ve seen? Honestly, I’ve lost count. And this is another to add to the list. Whether it actually bears down on us remains to be seen, but I seriously doubt it. We’ve got another 15 years yet, according to my schedule.

Mail Call

Our first item is the only one about wrestling found; a question sent in from David MacLeod:

Can you tell me what has happened to Mordecai. He is no longer listed in the superstars page on the wwe site. Has he been released already?


If you haven’t heard about this by now, Mordecai (unfortunately) has been busted down to the ranks of OVW. When he'll be back to terrorize sinners, God only knows. And I was SO ready to mark out over a Mordecai/Undertaker feud with all the special effects and fog and lightning and stuff...think I would have cried. Damn them...

Hypothetical question, guys: If someone’s “not ready” to be on TV, then why did you spend thousands on video and pyro and promotion for them?

Next piece of mail begins the lost responses from the last Double M. First of those items up for bids comes from 411’s Dustbutt!

Wait.. I used to write for Stevie Rachelle!?


For more on THAT, you’ll want to check with Mr. Manes about. He wanted the space, I cleared it for him, and that's what was sent. Had no idea that was going on, myself...

For something I DO know about, let’s turn the floor over to John Cullen. The subject, by the way, was “What ACTUALLY happened RE: Jon Davis/Chester”...

Hey Melchor, What happened was Jon said Chester should be pissed at Evanescence because they stole the whole rap/rock hybrid thing, on the song "Bring Me To Life", especially after it exploded them huge. Revolver asked a question about the reference, and Chester said that Mike Shinoda (the MC for Linkin Park) was approached about doing the rap breakdown before the guy from the 12 Stones was chosen as a replacement after Mike turned it down. He felt it was cribbing LP's style and he didn't want Evanescence to make money off the sound they had a hand in pioneering (even though they did anyway).



PS-I didn't figure you'd print it (esp. cuz you have no more columns left), but yeah, just got pissed when reading that.

Hah! Joke’s on YOU, Cullen!

I’ve said it once and I’ll say it a thousand times: Linkin Park claiming to pioneer anything is a steaming, stinking, load of 100% Grade-A Bullshit. They’ve become the first band that may as well be sponsored by Pro Tools since that’s where the bulk of their sound comes from.

And finally, we’re graced with a correction from...

...Rob Halford?!!?

No way...

hey man how are u doin thought i should let u in on a secret its ken DOWNING later

Think I just came. THE Rob Halford?! Impossible.

I decided to do a little looking. Went to All Music just to check this—

Shit, he’s RIGHT! Man, I just fucked up pretty good...AND got called on it by the “God Of Metal” himself! Can I be shot now? Please?

Relax, I’m not about to pull a Hyatte and ask this guy to write for me. Besides, I’m sure some kid cribbing the man’s name out of adoration and lack of a life Rob Halford has MUCH better things to do than become a website writer. Hell, the band’s back together on OZZFEST!

And did I mention I’m going to the final stop on the tour? And that all the details will be covered in 411Music once it’s all said and done? Damn straight I’m not playing around with this...

Now then – let’s board up the windows, drop the sandbags in place, hope to GOD I have enough bottled water and batteries and get to the reason you’re here:

SmackDown – 08.12.04

Show opens with credits and pyro from Detroit, MI (wow, they both did it this week), where TONIGHT: A Summer Games Relay Match (?)

JBL is out in the Longhorn Limousine with Orlando Jordan, both in suits naturally. Good, now do we get to find out why Jordan saved his ass last week? Video of the incident that lead to the rescue and Jordan puts on the hand sanitizer (HAH!) JBL invokes the name of Richard Nixon and runs down Taker for beating up a midget, stating he’s not intimidated. He lists Undertaker’s victims (a LOT of them) and states that he won’t be one of them. Wouldn’t that be grand if that’s the REAL reason why he hired Jordan, then dumps him afterward? JBL inherits the McMahon “guarantee” gimmick once again and plays the card to say that he will defeat The Undertaker on Sunday. Bradshaw hands the mic over to his new “Chief Of Staff”, Mr. Orlando Jordan (finally!) and...he keeps laughing after every sentence. Stop that. He finally does and says that he decided to step up the plate and take his opportunity instead of waiting for it to come to him. Bradshaw says he talked to Theodore Long and arranged for Jordan to TRULY “step up to the plate” later tonight when Jordan faces The Undertaker. You poor bastard. Jordan thanks Bradshaw (with a load in his drawers) as we go to:


Back to Cole plugging UPN’s “Amish In The City” (bitch, please) before:

WWE Cruiserweight Champion Spike Dudley vs. Paul London (with Billy Kidman) (non-title)

Let me say that Spike ROCKS playing a heel. Almost like he’s waited his whole career for the chance...

Buh Buh Ray and D-Von are out beforehand, making the intent rather obvious. London goes to the aerial mastery to disorient Spike and stay out of harm’s reach of the other two. Spike uses the brothers to a distractionary advantage and uses his entire body weight (all 150 lbs.) of it by using it ALL as a weapon. As a face, that worked well, but what can Spike do to change up his style to fit his new personality? Until he discovers the answer, Spike relies on his relations and sheer numbers...

Finish comes when London (looking for a tag from Kidman, obviously stuck in tag-team mode) goes up for the 450 Splash, but Buh Buh pulls Spike out of the way and Spike takes advantage of the crash, scoring the 3-count pinfall.

Post-match, The Dudleys bring Kidman in the ring and whip him with the belt as Spike takes out London with the Acid Drop. Buh Buh Ray and D-Von hit the 3D on Kidman then celebrate.

Cole and Tazz pimp the SmackDown half of SummerSlam and are interrupted by Buh Buh Ray cheerleading the Dudley name. No harm come to the commentators before we go to:


Back to another Heidenreich promo video. At least now we know why this guy hasn’t debuted yet – but apparently he will at SummerSlam.

In The Back, The Dudleys celebrate when Scotty Go Potty confronts Spike on his attitude change. THIS should be just terrific. Spike says that all he did was go home and he doesn’t friends because he has the Cruiserweight Championship and his family. Spike puts on the exclamation point by slapping the gel out of Scotty’s hair and saying that no one can do a damned thing about it.

Elsewhere In The Back, Angle barges into Long’s office and demands the money from his stuff auctioned off on Long says the money has already gone to charity and makes Angle another deal instead: to go out to the ring and let everyone know how Angle feels about Eddie, since Gurrero is HERE tonight. Long tells him to be a man and sends him on his way.

JR and Lawler pimp the Raw half of SmackDown and Cole and Tazz do the same for SmackDown before going to:


Back to

Chavo Gurrero vs. Nunzio

Now here’s an interesting pairing to see. And did I miss something or are the FBI turning face?

Nunzio is compact and a master on the mat – and uses both of those attributes to ground Chavo and counter the height advantage by tying him up. Not one to be denied, Chavo tries to out do Nunzio on the mat. Outside of the actual science, both almost seem to be proving who the better cheater is, but even Chavo should know that two heads are better than one...

Finish comes when Johnny “The Bull” knocks Chavo’s hands off the ropes and breaks the cover. Nunzio reverses into a rollup for the 3-count pinfall. Not a bad clash of heels before going to:


Back to

Orlando Jordan (with WWE Champion John Bradshaw Layfield) vs. The Undertaker

Is this even a match? Or just a ploy by JBL to try and weaken his SummerSlam challenger and show his dominance? What do YOU think?

Undertaker, with no real competition here to speak of, sticks with the straight power to annihilate Jordan (particularly the left arm, simply for sake of injury). Another advantage in that gameplan is to scare hell out of the Champ and show him why he’s beaten everyone WWE has thrown in his face over the last 14 years (to throw the words that Bradshaw uttered earlier back in his face).

Jordan, however, is simply trying to survive – and using dirty tactics and his boxing/brawling ability to do so. Jordan’s after picked up some crafty moves under the tutelage of JBL, most noticeable when Jordan reverses a Irish whip on the outside and then working on Undertaker’s now-bad leg.

Finish comes when Undertaker hits the Snake Eyes on Jordan, and JBL is in to nail the Clothesline From Hell and cause the disqualification. I have to say that Jordan represented himself well, especially for a “slaughter”.

Post-match, Jordan gets in one last shot before he and JBL bail out and celebrate. Undertaker cuts it short when he sits right up and stares at JBL, taking us to:


Back to Theodore Long in the ring to call out Kurt Angle for his thoughts on their WrestleMania XX rematch coming up on Sunday. Angle can’t get word one out of his mouth because Gurrero is out (in a red and yellow lowrider) and both men are face-to-face. Eddie says Kurt has nowhere to hide now, and Angle Ain’t skeered. Angle asks if Gurrero knows what it’s like to have everything taken from him and Eddie responds, “You mean like screwing me out of the WWE Title?” Angle accuses Gurrero of stealing his memorabilia and cheating his way to victory last week. He goes on to state that Eddie can’t beat Gurrero without cheating. Now THERE’S a direction to take this in! Why did we have to wait until 3 days before to get to that? Eddie admits what he is and that Angle may be right but that Angle has hidden all this time because he doesn’t know which is the better wrestler. NOW we’re talking. Long steps in and calls for a handshake out of both men...if they’re man enough. And the crowd boos this. Well, we ARE in Detroit. Eddie and Kurt shake and go nose-to-nose (ending an AWESOME promo out of both men) before going to:

Commercial, including yet another SummerSlam Olympic parody – with The Big Show! Where ya been, you big lug??.

Back to:

Summer Games Relay Match – Rob Van Dam, Charlie Haas & John Cena vs. US Champion Booker T, Luther Reigns & Rene Dupree

Do they make these matches just to fuck with the psychological aspect of this report? Swear to God... Introductions take us to:


before the match starts proper.

Okay, the Summer Games Relay rules are 1 fall to a finish (first fall out of anyone wins and ends it) between Booker’s team (Booker, Luther Reigns, and Rene Dupree, competing in that order) and Cena’s team (RVD, Charlie Haas, and John Cena, competing in that order). Booker & RVD start it out and go for 5 minutes. If no decision is reached in that time, then the next man from Booker’s team (Reigns) steps in and goes for the same time. If no decision still, then RVD is out and Haas is in for the 5-minute ycle against a weakened Reigns. The cycle continues – with the beginning members stepping back in if the last 3 from each team can’t score a decision – until the match ends.

At least this is something a little easier than an 8-man Elimination Match, as the competitors know who their opposition is and can prepare for one man rather than several. The pacing may become an issue, as each man has 5 to 10 minutes to go all-out. The best plan, obviously, is to put the other man away before a fresh man from the opposing team steps in. Those with prior experience in “5 minute challenges” obviously have an advantage here as well.

Booker and RVD start, and each man knows the other very well. Too well, apparently; Booker and Van Dam spend too much time countering each other’s moves, playing defense long enough to let the time limit expire. Booker is using his brain – all he has to do is survive his ex-tag team partner (which he is easily capable of) and let the power man come in and hit clean-up on the smallest – and now worn-down – member of the other team as we go to:


Back to 1:00 left and Van Dam has countered Booker’s “let someone else do the dirty work” plan with his stamina and resiliency. RVD, when able, also picks away at Reigns so that the team’s pure wrestler, Haas, can bring him to a compromising position (not like that, you pervert).

Reigns proves to be a little tougher than thought, peeling away another part of Booker’s idea to let the powerhouse – who can last, to the surprise of Haas – target his opponent’s back and do enough damage to prevent the pinfall. Luther does so with not only power, but surprising wrestling like a butterfly suplex (!). Maybe Reigns is hoping that the added intimidation will play a factor in putting Haas away? We have to wait until after the last:

Commercial (3 in one match? Come ON...)

before seeing that Reigns was unable to get it done, bringing in Dupree.

Rene goes for the simple approach – dirty pool and taking advantage of someone weaker than you. All of the strategy of Booker’s team seems to have been placed in the timing of Reigns, however, as Dupree brings up the rear...but that means he has to face Cena’s American Strong Style (man, THAT should piss off some SmarKs!) in a weakened state.

This does NOT bode well for Dupree...or does it? Does Cena go for the (seemingly easy) victory or does he simply punish Dupree and stave off the clock to bring Booker back in? That’s taking a gamble; Cena would get his hands on the man with the Title, but would be at a disadvantage against a rested Champion. Dupree, acting out of spite, looks to tilt the gamble in his team’s favor by hanging in there long enough for Cena (one of his most hated rivals) to get his ass handed to him by the Champ. Another facet is that Booker may have thought longer ahead than suspected, looking to use the break from action to dominate and destabilize his Best Of 5 challenger before Sunday.

Booker brings in the high-impact street fighting again to neutralize Cena, but Booker doesn’t count on the faces using heel tactics...

Finish comes when Booker is assaulted outside by RVD and sent back in. As Booker jaws at RVD, Cena sneaks a schoolboy from behind and gets the 3-count pinfall over Booker T. Excellent match, especially since I was rather wary about the initial concept.

Post-match, all six men mix it up and the heels are evicted from the ring before Cena celebrates to end the show.

Not a bad hard sell for SummerSlam at all. The tension between Angle and Gurrero (especially after a fantastic promo out of BOTH men) is at a fever pitch. Bradshaw scored a point on his “unbeatable” challenger. Cena and Booker previewed what looks to be a great series of Title matches. And The Dudleys looked to make their match on Sunday a handicap effort.

In addition, we have some decent character development. I’ll forgive Jordan for laughing after every sebtence – so long as he never does it again. Aside from that, the kid has potential. And so does Spike, relishing his new role and playing it to the hilt. The three of them finally look to make a lethal combination.

Bring on SummerSlam – unless, of course, I have to evacuate the city – in which case I’ll catch it on video once we get the roof fixed.

L8. Thanks for reading, y’all.

For more interesting (?) reading, click here.

Be sure to visit EdWolf for all of your (non-video) gaming needs, Rehab Radio for some good surfing music, and The Wrestling Fan for a good chuckle or two.

SmackDown Report: (08/19/04) By Sean Carless

Hey, look who’s back in the saddle again!

Ok, now that I’ve dispensed with really gay clichéd opener I can get to the heart of the topic:

Our friend Michael Melchor, whom you of course know usually pens the recaps here that allow me to have more time to get stoned and fall asleep in a bowl of cashews, went head to head with Hurricane Charlie, (and not “Helms” regardless of what you may have thought) weathering the storm, and looking Mother Nature straight in the eye before bellowing “I don’t think so, bitch!”.

However, Tropical storms don’t understand such bravado and the neighborhood was leveled regardless. Our friend Melchy was then left with no power in the sweltering heat, and made due by mugging the countless wandering transplated retired New York City Jews, leaving them with only their pastel pants and the pink golf shirts on their backs. From there, he kept his sanity by dreaming of exclusive one on one interviews with the likes of the guy who was the lead singer of Flock of Seagulls….

It was horrible. The smell of burned plastic flamingos was heavy in the air, there weren’t as many illegal immigrants power swimming their way to Miami beach, and the scent of broken dreams permeated this once proud state. Get well Florida, get well soon.

In any event, Michael will be back on Monday, and he will no doubt tear me a new asshole for the previous segue.

Hello all, and welcome to the Super-Duper, Late & phoned-in SmackDown Report! I know what you’re thinking, “You always phone it in” and you’re right, but I do have an excuse. I finally  finished my move and in the midst of unpacking stuff I probably should have thrown out, (Hey, Acid wash jeans have to come back in style one day!) I was messaged by Mr. Melchor, who’s plight was a lot worse than mine. So hence, here we are. And if you’re still reading this, you’re a far more patient man than I.

Ok, before I get to SmackDown, I have to pimp my Summer Slam Rant from last Sunday, and promote the DEBUT of arguably the most "TALENTED" writer I’ve ever seen. He works under the handle “Canadian Bacon” and his debut column will be going up TONIGHT. I promise you this not like anything you’ve ever read on a wrestling site. You have to check it out. He’s THAT GOOD.

SmacKDown: 08/19/04

Coming to us from my former Hometown of Hamilton, Ontario, and literally five minutes away from where I caused all sorts of shit, from accosting the homeless, to failed attempts at picking up single mothers: The famed Victor Copps coliseum!…Home of …..absolutely nothing! That’s right. I have NO idea how this place stays in business….


The show opens up with JBL and his Chief of Staff, Orlando “Virgil Y2K4” Jordan coming to the ring in the limo. Speaking of Orlando, he just might be the first WWE rookie to ever VOLUNTARILY agree to be on JBL’s “staff”. Haha. Ok, I have nothing.

JBL gets out of the limo wearing a halo, because nothing gets more laughs than a crippled person….

JBL sells the injury (a chokeslam through the limousine roof at Summer Slam) and begins to cut a promo. I cannot hate this man. Sorry, I cannot. He’s by far the most entertaining man on this brand.

JBL begins insulting Canada, bringing up Iraq and calling our Military “cowards” (we have a military?!...Funny, I always pictured the Mounties just rolling in with maybe a few bazookas strapped to their horses…) And for the record, You know who doesn’t die in wars? Cowards! That’s right. YOU can take some mortar in the stomach, I’d rather be back on the docks picking up the women you left behind….muwahahaha

JBL says that he tried to get medical treatment for his neck but the Hospitals in Canada were lackluster . Actually truth be told, we have country wide coverage here. So when I get a stomach ache, I’ll get a bed and full service, while they’ll nurse your festering bullet wound with a band-aid and some rubbing alcohol, so you can make room for the guy with the cleaver in his head they’ll treat with aspirin …. But whatever….

JBL says that Undertaker is the face of evil, and insists that Taker will NEVER get another title shot again. And…cue the gong, here comes Taker and he’s HUSTLING. It only takes him 10 minutes to get to the ring this time! This allows JBL to escape the ring, catch some lunch, and fly back to Texas with time to spare. Btw, if you live in the Houston area, it might not be the best idea to allow Undertaker onto the volunteer fire department, if you know what I mean.

After Taker finally gets to the ring, they cut to commercial!….And that’s that.


Spike Dudley Vs. Scotty 2 Hotty;

 I assume the Cruiserweight Title is at stake here, but I’m not sure (or don’t care…take your pick) Decent match here that sees the Dudleys (who accompanied Spike) constantly interfere.

Scotty looks to have the worm set up but no dice. (just like High school all over again!). Bubba tripped Scotty on the attempt and Spike eventually finishes with the Dudley Dog.

Winner: Spike Dudley; Real Winners: US. At this rate 2 Cool will be reunited in the indy circuit before long.

I’m kind of digging this whole Spike angle. It kind of reminds of Syxx with the nWo back in 96, where a smallish guy can be a bully because he has back up. But seriously, Spike needs to put on a shirt, post haste. The last time I saw a 150 lbs shirtless guy cause this much trouble, he was running from the police with a beer in his hand on Cops..(Ok, I told this joke, already. Sue me)


During the break a Microtouch commercial airs….Dude, if you have to shave your FUCKING FINGERS, get someone to SHOOT you with a silver bullet already and just end it.


After the break, Cole and Tazz are discussing something when a huge homemade banner is stretched in the background reading: “Heidenreich: Next week”. The sign of course had a much more impressive effect than say a PRODUCED VIDEO PIECE, but what do I know? Actually it is kind of apropos considering who it’s for. Would have been better had it been scrawled on toilet paper though….


John Cena  is backstage with Josh Matthews and before he can get into saying “The Champ is here!”  Spike Dudley interrupts and says that the only “champ” here is him. He then kicks Cena in “Deez nuts”  for good measure. Cena quickly recovers and grabs Spike by the throat- but only momentarily, as the Dudleys make the save and pulverize Cena.


Paul London & Billy Kidman Vs. Chavo Guerrero and Jamie “By Gawd” Noble; Non-Title match;

Am the only one who doesn’t see a guy with a CONFEDERATE FLAG on his tights and a MEXICAN being a suitable team? I kept expecting Noble to hog-tie Chavo to his truck after the match....

Anyway, I’m digging this Cruiserweight Tag team match concept. (Just don’t call it that). It’s a great way to get the smaller guys over as credible without the stigma of a certain weight class holding them back.

Decent match ensues, with London looking more and more like a star every time I see him. London plays great “face in peril”and eventually the hot tag gets made to Kidman who goes on offense before dispensing a sit out powerbomb he calls the “BK bomb” which sounds more like a sandwich at Burger King, but whatever. Kidman then tries for the SSP but Noble is in the way, and he instead opts for a sunset flip which is countered into an assisted pin (by Noble on the outside) by Chavo.

Winners: Chavo & Noble;


Teddy Long approaches Brian Hebner and gets him to go get Cena and The Dudleys. Apparently on Theodore Long’s SmackDown, if you fight backstage, you take it to the ring. Cool with me. But hey, let’s just hope that Heidenreich and Kenzo Sazuki never fight backstage…..


Tough Enough is Back! And the winner now gets ONE MILLION DOLLARS!!! You know, while the rest of the roster gets to travel together packed into the backseat of a Yugo with the Big Show….

Gotta love that message to the locker room! If only now they could organize the T.E. winners and the Diva hopefuls to compete in this great new brand of extreme football......



Eddie Guerrero comes to the ring (sans low-rider) and cuts a promo on Kurt Angle and asks him to come out. Eddie then admits that at SummerSlam, Kurt was the better man. He then says that they’re tied at “one a piece” and demands the tie-breaker….right…here…tonight… which according to the big book of predictable rasslin clichés of course means it won’t happen….


Angle ponders the request and says “no”. Eddie then asks for a handshake, because he “respects” Kurt. Angle begrudgingly does, but gets blindsided for his troubles.


This then brings a three piece suit accompanied by Luther to Angle’s aid, and the two look like they’ll double team Eddie when Rey Mysterio makes the save.


REALLY long segment, but strong delivery by Eddie.


John Cena Vs. The Dudley (let’s call this one D-Von);

Spike is surprisingly not at ringside with Bubba, despite starting this whole mess. Weird. Booker T. however is, and sits at the commentary table. Booker tells us to “bring our broomsticks” because he’s going to sweep Cena in the best of 5….despite the fact that technically you can’t sweep a series if you’ve already lost….

Anyway, okayish match here that is won handily by Cena with the FU after he swats Bubba off the apron. My only complaint here is that Cena countered into the FU from an attempted suplex by D-Von, and D-Von just laid there like a dead fish on his shoulders. I mean, if someone is going to pick me up on their shoulders in anticipation of slamming me headfirst to the ground, I might kick and thrash a little, you know, rather than lay stoic like you’r eenjoying a good book under a tree….But of course that’s just me.

After the match, Cena tells Booker that he’s holding his jewelry and he wants it back, and there’s a joke to be made here, but I’ll refrain from doing so….

SmackDown throwback is next as we flash back to August 1999 and the debut of SD (it was also the debut of the Dudley Boys from ECW). They show the clip of Rock Vs. HHH w/HBK as referee, and Michaels subsequently superkicking Rock as he attempted a people’s elbow. What WAS strange however at the time, was that this angle was never followed up.

After the clip we see Cole and Tazz talking about the SD 5 year anniversary in a few weeks.

By the way, in a side note, I was watching late night softcore porn the other night, when I noticed one of the actors boar a stroking resemblance to one Michael Cole! It was disturbing to say the least. And soon, I kept expecting the Cole look-a-like to yell "This is off the hook!" as some woman sat obviously on his stomach during a love scene, a good foot from his genitals....


Kind of made it hard to masturbate after that….


Anyway, If anyone else knows who I’m talking about, feel free to email me, and we’ll get to the bottom of this mystery!


Renee Dupree w/ FiFi Vs. Rob Van Dam w/ enough junk in his bag to make him a permanent resident in this country, if you know what I mean (ask Brian Lawler);

This was the BIG rematch from Summerslam Heat.

RVD seriously had his working shoes on tonight as he wrestled one of the more energetic matches I can recently recall him in. These two really have good chemistry together. And speaking of chemicals, maybe Rob just opted to smoke a big fat bowl after the matches from now on?

Anyway, RVD dominates this one until he misses rolling papers thunder as Dupree gets the knees up. Rene then delivers a huge superplex (Have to admire their dedication here in basically a throw away match). RVD then quickly regains the edge with big old potato straight from the Yukon for Dupree and goes upstairs and finishes Rene with the Frog-splash (sweet irony!)

However, before Rob can herbally celebrate a hard fought victory, he’s blindsided by the pajama wearing wrath of Kenzo Suzuki! … Oh No. Not this feud….I’ve seen the future, and in it I see a lot of kicks and some silly facials. Actually, sounds a lot like my sex life now that I think about it…

Teddy Long is in the ring and announces that he’s re-signed: …The Big Show? Yes! Re-signing men already on your roster is definitely the way to become number one! Next week, Teddy debuts the hottest free agent in wrestling…Mark Jindrak….Ok I made the last part up….


Eddie Guerrero & Rey Mysterio Vs. Kurt Angle and Luther Reigns who will always have my heart as the incomparable Horshu.

Very good match here. If this is the limited Kurt Angle, I hate to see how good he is healthy.

Very back and forth here, with the story being Eddie’s leg, to which both Angle and Horshu mercilessly worked over. From there, we see stereo hot-tags from Angle to Luther, and Eddie to Rey-Rey. Mysterio springboards in and goes to work with some lucha magic, including a sweet tornado DDT. Rey sets up the 619 but Kurt executes a “Greco-Roman chairshot” to his knees. Kurt then applies the ankle lock but Eddie runs him off with a chair of his own!  Back inside, triple verticals are laid, 619’s are hit and frog splash finishes Horshu! Very good match.

After the match, Kurt comes back out with paint (What the hell was THAT doing just laying around backstage?) and splashes Eddie’s low rider! The Humanity! Good thing Eddie paid the insurance premium when he RENTED the thing….


Good show. Thumbs up.

Highlight: I liked the main-event, but for the surprise factor, I’ll have to go with RVD and Dupree.

Lowlight:  In-ring wise nothing was bad, so I’ll go with Heidenreich’s sign. Not exactly the best way to create hype for a debut.


Double M's WWE SmackDown Recap - 08.26.04 by: Michael Melchor

The views and opinions expressed herein are those solely of the author and may not necessarily reflect those of the rest of the human race.

Hey hey, my my. Thanks for checking in and sorry I missed last week. I'm assuming you know why...if you don't, feel free to find out...

...and I return to find out that Sean's hooked me up with my own page?! Cool! And HOW do I celebrate the monumentous occasion? With a friggin' AOL conversation.

Okay, This Is Boring - What Else Is There To Read?

-and since we all know that AOL columns suck balls (right?), submitted for your approval elsewhere, we have:

The Main Page, where:

· Sean scores the Brock/Goldberg/Warrior trifecta

· Christopher Frieda continues his unparalleled RoH coverage

· Gonzo gives some new talent a helping hand

· Renee fantasy books a brilliant Brand Merging

· Brad McLeod drinks his way through SummerSlam - LIVE!

· And Richard Waters discerns the importance of The Big Belt.

And elsewhere on The Fan, Harry Simon "recapitates" SummerSlam...

...Vince Russo SHOOTS~! with
Dave Gagnon (!)...

...and The Site Clown provides the best unintentional entertainment ever seen.

SmackDown - 08.26.04

Show opens with video of Kurt & Eddie from last week. And once again, why would wrecking Eddie's lowrider be such a big deal since he comes out in a different fucking one each week?

Credits and pyro from Fresno, CA where TONIGHT: John Cena vs. Booker T in Match #2 of the Best Of Five Series!

And Eddie Gurrero is out (with no lowrider? He couldn't find one in Fresno?) to run down Angle and his car-wrecking antics. Eddie's not wasting time - he wants Kurt to pay for trashing his car NOW! Kurt's music hits, and out comes - Luther Reigns. Luther says if Eddie wants a fight he has one, and Eddie tells him to get stuffed - he wants the real thing. Angle is on the TitanTron from the parking lot and Eddie chases him out like a dunce. After beckoning Eddie not to ruin his car, Gurrero (naturally) does. Gurrero takes a pipe to the windows and dumps trash all over (and in) it before Kurt and Luther finally haul ass in a REAL ride..a minivan. GM Theodore Long is out and he's pissed - apparently that wasn't Angle's car. Woops. Long then cries us to:


Back to

Rob Van Dam vs. Kenzo Suzuki This might be an interesting in-ring story, but exactly how well could it be conveyed by these two? Watching Kenzo's pre-match promo makes scares me already.

RVD starts out early and looks like someone stole his stash, kicking Suzuki off his "throne" AND taking out his boys. Goes a good way toward making him look actually angry - and inspired. Kenzo's size, meanwhile, allows him to administer a beating to the rest of the body so that there will be nothing left to kick out of the STO Drop Or Whatever The Name Was Again. However, Kenzo doesn't have the veteran's advantage that RVD does - but then RVD doesn't have friends that Kenzo does...

Finish comes when Rene Dupree shows his dislike for RVD and runs in, drawing Kenzo a disqualification.

Post-match, Rene and Kenzo both whoop on RVD and celebrate. I wish the match could have carried on; working with new blood seems to be lighting a fire under both of them.

Outside, Long is still crying about his car when WWE Champion Bradshaw and Orlando Jordan arrive. Bradshaw is upset about Long not returning his calls, and Long could give a shit right now. Long orders Bradshaw defend the WWE Title TONIGHT against The Undertaker. Who-wait, WHAT? Word! Bradshaw, however, whines his way out of it (pussy!) and Long substitutes him with Jordan. And the match is STILL for the WWE Title. Last time I saw this was in June of 2000 at King Of The Ring and I hoped that it WOULD be the last time...


Back to Cole and Tazz astounded at the last segment before:

Chavo Gurrero (with Jamie Noble) vs. Billy Kidman (with Paul London - WWE Tag Team Champions)

Cole and Tazz bring up a house show (!) where Chavo and Jamie defeated the champs (!!). Are they going old-school on us all of a sudden?

Chavo isn't impressed by Kidman's aerial skills, and shows him as such by keeping Kidman on the ground and destroying the arm (more old-school...nice). Twofold offense, as Chavo believes that he will win the mental game the same way. Kidman, relying on his best attribute (guts), neutralizes Chavo's mat game in favor of going to his forte - the sky. It's a tale as old as time, and these two tell it with the best of them.

Finish comes when Jamie Noble gets involved - and immediately taken out by London. Paul kicks Chavo in the head, setting up Kidman's Shooting Star Press for the 3-count pinfall.

Post-match, London & Kidman leave and some EMTs are out for Chavo as we go to:


Back to video of...Carlito Caribbean Cool. Who's this goober?

Outside, Automobile Antics continues! Angle and Luther arrive and Long is waiting for them. Kurt apologizes and Long lets him in on who's car he trashed. As punishment, Angle goes 2-out-of-3 falls next week on SmackDown against Eddie Gurrero. And if THAT'S not enough to moisten the ol' panties, Kurt faces Rey Mysterio later tonight. Luther follows, but Long gives him a broom and tells HIM to step-and-fetch, motherfucker!

John Cena vs. Booker T - Match #2 of the Best Of Five Series for the US Title

Cena enters. We exit to:


Back to Booker's entrance and Side Note: if this becomes more and more personal, letting them go to Match 5 and having Long make it a Street Fight would be a great way to book this.

By the looks of the beginning of this match, the Street Fight would favor Booker T, as that's a good portion of his style as it is. Let him unleash that against someone he can't stand anyway and Booker can get downright nasty with his shots. Cena's more than willing to go thug-to-thug, and ups the ante with superior wrestling. Booker sees him and raises his (albeit miniscule) size and height advantage, leveraging a chinlock and other wear-down methods.

Booker and Kenzo must be sharing the brain tonight: both kill the body before killing the head. RVD took it and kept coming, but the Five-Time WCW Champion knows things Kenzo may never learn as much as Booker knows about the subject. Cena, relying on heart, takes Booker's best (a missile dropkick from the top~!) and begins the pound-and-ground in earnest. But when all is said and done, Booker's underestimated resiliency and craft play the deciding factor...

Finish comes when Booker rolls Cena up out of the corner and puts his feet on the ropes to gain the 3-count pinfall.

Post-match, Cena and Booker talk trash and send us to:


Back to Replay of Moments Ago. Cole and Tazz announce that Match #3 will take place in Sydney, Australia and highlights will be seen next week. On a mass-media scale, this is almost as good as Nikita Koloff and Magnum TA.

In The Ring, Paul Heyman pushes Josh Matthews aside and gives us John "The Spaz" Heidenreich. Paul gives John (think I'm typing that long-ass name if I don't have to?) credit for him having supreme confidence again. Josh asks if he can live up to the hype and John takes offense, killing Josh Matthews dead. Oh, he can take it - he's a Tough Enough kid! Paul coins a new catch phrase (pfeh) and leaves with John, taking us to:


Back to video of Big Show Returns. Can't wait to see how he fits in the new SmackDown.

Kurt Angle vs. Rey Mysterio

So - not only do we have a dream contrast of styles, but one with history. Yeah, boy.

Being in the ring with someone of Rey's size seems to remind Angle of being back in the NCAA. Since Rey is relatively easy to manhandle (to someone with Angle's confidence), Kurt can take it to the place he knows best and ground Rey into the mat. Rey, however, has learned the finer points of the mat himself from many an opponent - including Angle. Mysterio may not go hold-for-hold but he knows enough to not avoid the moves, but counter them using his omnidirectional offense.

Ring generalship also becomes a factor before the:


as Rey dumps Angle out with the headscissors and hits a baseball slide...all while Angle was disoriented because of the change in surroundings.

In the two minutes since, however, Angle has shown the most tenacious attack this side of Benoit and locks Rey up again, determined to dictate the all-important pace. Rey may be under 200 lbs., but he shows Angle that it's all guts (were they handing them out in the back this evening?)...

Finish come when Rey hits a headscissors and sends Kurt into the ropes for the 619. Angle evades but Rey dropkicks him back in position and nails it. Rey goes for the West Coast Pop and Angle counters into a Liger Bomb - for 2! Angle with the Angle Slam, but Rey counters with the inverted tornado DDT - for 2! Rey knocks Angle off the ropes and flies but Angle catches him. Rey with the victory roll in response, but Angle pulls a page out of Owen Hart's book and drops into it, scoring the 3-count pinfall.VERY well done by both men, but then again did YOU expect less than a clinic?


Back to SmackDown Throwback: November 11, 1999. AH-nuld guest-stars on SmackDown. Termination ensues.

Raw Rebound airs, followed by Cole and Tazz running into the ground that tonight is a "controversial" night (why?) and pimping Tough Enough.

In The Back, JBL finds Orlando Jordan.

JBL: "How main events have you been in?"

Jordan: "None, really."

JBL: "I'm right behind you Orlando. You're I'm screwed."


Back to Cole and Tazz hyping the main event with Summer Slam stills of the Chokeslam thru the Longhorn Limousine's roof.

Orlando Jordan (with WWE Champion John Bradshaw Layfield) vs. The Undertaker - WWE Championship Match

Good to see that the Longhorn Limousine has healed since SS, anyway.

This has all the makings of a slaughter - one that we've already seen. Therefore, a little editing of past comments is in order:

Undertaker, with no real competition here to speak of, sticks with the straight power to annihilate Jordan (particularly the left arm, simply for sake of injury). Another advantage is the obvious intimidation - not only in reputation, but from a past ass-kicking.

Jordan, however, is simply trying to survive - and using dirty tactics and his boxing/brawling ability to do so. Jordan's picked up some tricks under the tutelage of JBL, and Jordan has turned impact to viciousness with that newfound craftiness.

Finish comes when Undertaker sits up and avalanches Jordan in the corner before nailing Bradshaw off the apron. Undertaker gets the Tombstone on Jordan, but Bradshaw pulls the referee out of the ring, drawing Jordan the disqualification.

Post-match, the ring announcer states the obvious - DQ = no title change. Second shitty DQ Title finish this week. Undertaker goes after Bradshaw, removes his neckbrace and chokeslams him. Undertaker poses with the belt to end the show.

Tell you what, from an in-ring standpoint, SmackDown has bowed up big tonight. Rousing matches (NONE of which sucked, and had almost double the number of matches of Raw) and competitive continuations of the series that are spawning them is becoming an overall homage to Bill Watt's old Mid South. And that's not a bad thing at all.

It almost seems like SmackDown is trying to become what it was a year ago this time - the better wrestling show. Trouble is, despite Melrose Raw and even The Prospective Divas, Raw is doing so by being the "total package". Orton and Hunter owned it this week; now what SmackDown needs are storylines of that caliber. Then we have a real competition on our hands.

L8. Thanks again for reading.

For more interesting (?) reading, click here.

Be sure to visit EdWolf for all of your (non-video) gaming needs, Rehab Radio for some good surfing music, and The Wrestling Fan for a good chuckle or two.

way to create hype for a debut.