BACK-LEG FRONKICK ARCHIVE (May 2004)
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BACK-LEG FRONKICK ARCHIVE (May 2004)
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(MAY 2004) Back-Leg Frontkick: (05/01/04) Welcome once again to another edition of the Back-Leg Frontkick, the column that much like a fine wine only gets
better with age....but doesn't leave you gassy and bloated.... I really don't feel like getting into anything too deep this week, so instead I think I'll just babble incessantly,
and yes, I realize I do that anyway, but cut me some slack, I have so very little. Can't We All Get Along? I was recently perusing the Internet as I am want to do, (while other people are out living quote en quote "Real
Lives") and dropped into WWE's Shop Zone website for some material on a forthcoming Satire when I discovered the most unintentionally
hilarious Item EVER. The Booker T. "Stuffed Bear", and no, the photo below has not been touched up or altered in any way whatsoever.
With that in mind, HOW this item has thus far gone unnoticed is beyond me. "Booker Bear" is probably the most subtly racist thing I've seen in Wrestling since Jesse Ventura would wear those
Buckwheat T-shirts back in the 80's. I mean how Sambo is this bear? I feel like a racist just looking at it. And whoever thought
this particular item was a "Good Idea", either has a disturbed sense of humor, or has three first names and tucks his over-all
pants into his boots. The Fact that this Bear even exists baffles me. And even more so than that, it seems to be slipping under the radar
completely of John Q. Politically Correct. Which after the Controversy that "Nipplegate" really surprises me. Still though, there he is, in all it's glory, going for 5 dollars a pop (Racists! The Hulk Hogan bear is going
for twice that!) In any event, I can only imagine the taglines they discussed to actually move this doll: "Now, you can finally own the Bear that singlehandedly set back black & white relations 200 hundred years!...Act
now, and we'll throw in a complimentary cotton bag and pick-shovel..." I mean Dr. King would be rolling over in his grave here (Which for the record is usually a good sign that your
not dead and thus probably shouldn't have been buried in the first place...) In any event, We here at The Wrestling Fan will not dwell on the negative, And while some ignorant souls will choose
to persecute Booker Bear, we'll in turn embrace him, and celebrate his gentle existence. From this point forward, he shall
be our official Website mascot (along with the ghost of Al Wilson of course) and we shall Champion him. So in closing I say, hold your head up high Booker Bear, and be brave, because that Freedom Train is coming....eventually. Negativity In The IWC This seems to be a hot-button issue these days amongst online wrestling fans, with some taking a more critical
stance on the product, while others bellow the TIRED liner of "If you don't like it, don't watch". And while I must admit
that things in the WWE have improved, why shouldn't I complain if I don't enjoy something? I've always hated that attitude.
I mean, how is anything supposed to change if we all followed this advice? Some people might take it a little too far, finding fault in the most ideal show or pay-per-view, but to disagree
with a character's "push" or an angle is our right as a paying customer. It's called freedom of expression, people. Learn
to embrace it, or face a world with fat ugly men decorating your screen week in and week out. Admittedly though, most of what I write on this site is tongue in cheek, because I learned a long time ago that
this is what my readers want from me. Times are a changin' in the IWC, as the bulk of fans choose to now flood forums and message boards so they can
share their opinions as opposed to just looking to the opinions of the online writer. The Chickens are coming home to roost y'all, and websites these days better be entertaining because it's come the
point where why should someone just read your opinions and take them as gospel when they now have a forum to showcase their
own? The thing about the Internet is that it's a ground to basically complain about whatever you see fit....and all
without having to physically face any repercussions from those you may "insult" along the way. Also, as much as I make light
of certain wrestlers, If I came face to face with these same gladiators, I'd probably transform into a quivering fan-boy asking
whatever talent who'd give me the time of day to sign my ridiculously unappealing Apaculco shirt with his John Hancock. Deep
down I'm a HUGE fan, and although I may criticize the things I want changed sometimes, I'm really not going anywhere. I think most people have a pretty good handle on the fact that since we (the IWC), is a mutated off-shoot of the
business, that we, much like the wrestlers, portray roles and characters. Our audiences, just like their's, have certain expectations
from they're favorite columnists. Some wrestlers read these site's and get hot under the collar and yell out that we're "ruining
the business" or even more so "have no right" to give opinions because we're not really part of the industry (which we're
not), but what they forget is that this is an environment that THEY'VE created, as people like Vince McMahon in an act of
desperation once, decided to completely lift the veil on "kayfabe", and thus brought on all this scrutiny himself. They may
say we know "nothing", but how can they think this when their employer has shown us exactly what happens behind the curtain?
Even going so far as to create a TV show (Tough Enough) that shows the viewer every nuance on how a match is put together.
The times of carnivals and smoke filled red-neck bars where the front row was filled with toothless, clueless Huckleberry's
is long over. The business has evolved. It's a different beast now, one where the audience is no longer ignorant. Has it wrecked
our enjoyment of just sitting back and just enjoying Wrestling? Probably. But there's little we can do about it now. Still though, there is a war of words going on as wrestlers blow off the Internet as morons, even though as already
mentioned, outside of actually taking a bump ourselves, we at least have somewhat of an insight into what goes on. It's really
no different than watching one of those DVD extras, and then picking apart a film's errors and flubs because THEY SHOWED YOU
HOW THE MOVIE WAS MADE. Still, these types don't get that we're just providing what for the most part, our audience WANTS. The biggest scape-goat of this criticism seems to be my boss over at HTM.com, the Honky Tonk Man himself, who has
earned a reputation for shooting straight on just about everything in wrestling, and taking no prisoners along the way. Some
people pass it off as "bitterness", but if you've ever heard Honky talk, you'd know that this is just the way he is. He cuts
through the bullshit. You can love him or hate him for that, but to suggest that it's just sour grapes is ridiculous, because
unlike the majority of his late 80's WWF counterparts, HTM has maintained consistent gainful employment in the Independents
for almost 15 years. So, it's hardly a case of "jealousy". So, to wrap things up, next time you fire up your computer to barrage an online writer (whether you're a reader
or a wrestler) with email about something he said that offended you, remember, that much like the sport they cover, they're
just playing a role, and you just got hooked with their "cheap heat". Queer-Eye For The Warrior Guy: In my undying quest to expose The Ultimate Warrior as insane, I recently uncovered his latest commentary here,
where he goes on a tirade on "Homosexuality", where he not so subtly refers to them as "queers". And while I can't help but
laugh at the degree to which his apparent hatred goes, he's losing his grip on reality with each and every passing week. Here's
a few of my favorite snippets from his rambling diatribe riddled with "Warrior-speak" (which is gibberish to the layman): Warrior: "No, no. Ironically, queerness has gotten its strength from the common sense majority
-- the heterosexual Atlases sustaining civilization -- who knew most, just from their gut reaction at the very beginning of
zealous activist pressures, that queerness should be rejected; tolerated, yes -- but rejected. But over time, more and more
the queers empty, inane and emotional whining numbingly wore down the heterosexuals natural defense. And the popsicle we gave
the crying child was more tolerance. More and more phallic shaped popsicles of tolerance. Until, my heterosexual friends,
the heterosexuals natural reason for intolerance was petered out and the Vagina Monologues was booked in every citys Community
Center." "Homosexual and gay are nothing but prophylactics covering up the deviancy of being queer.
Homosexual(ity) is used to create an impression that it is a credible, since-the-beginning-of-time traditional mainstream
majority on par with heterosexual(ity), instead of being seen the unscrupulous minuscule 1-2% minority of the population that
it truly is. Gay connotes innocent fun and frolic and party favors instead of the dissolute pornographic filth and dinginess
from which the "bug-chasing" majority of the minority spawned." It goes on from there (and on, and on). Anyway, I find it really ironic that a man who detests gays so much would
have participated in an industry that sees oily men roll around with one an other, exchanging "holds" and wearing make-up.
I mean, look at Warrior's finisher. For a guy so repulsed by such things, he sure didn't have a problem cupping anyone's junk
in mid-air like a kid in a cookie-jar as he "pressed" them over his head. Also, wasn't this the same guy who would constantly
pull Rick Rude's tights down in mid-match?... And if you read his commentaries, you'll find that he has an unhealthy obsession with "Atlas", constantly referring
to him in EVERY single post. But, if you really want to break it down, isn't Atlas basically just a big naked man with a ball
on his head? And if that's not a metaphor for homosexuality, I don't know what is.... Excellence of Over at Bret Hart.com, The Hitman has an article up on Suicide Prevention that you should check out, Although in
my experience the best deterrent to suicide has always been to not kill yourself... Not to downplay Bret's intentions, which are noble, but I just can't imagine Bret on a suicide prevention hotline.
I can just imagine the interactions: Bret: "So, you say you want to end it all? Well, you know who else wanted to end it all? Vince McMahon, that's
who.... when he yelled ring the bell!. You say your life is screwed up? I understand. But if you wanna talk about being screwed,
then you got to talk about Montreal........You say your best friend betrayed you? So what. When he swears on his kids, then
SCREWS you anyway, call me......Hello, You there?..HELLO? OK, so I'm an asshole. We all know this. But at least no one has killed themselves while reading this, yet, anyway. Kurt Angle Update: After his horrendous fall (and alleged death) at the hands of The Big Show, it is now learned that the "head trauma"
the Olympic hero suffered has caused his conscious mind to expand and in turn bestowing Tele-Kinetic powers on the 1996 Olympic
Gold-medalist! Although he is now confined to a wheel chair, he as Commissioner, is able to verbally communicate with the roster
through simple thought, and to a lesser degree is able to physically manipulate objects using only his mind. No doubt this
uncanny symbiotic skill will come in handy once he does return to full-time action, as he'll now be able to call his spots
tele-kinetically. There is also a rumor, that he plans on banding together a small sect of "Gifted" superstars to teach and shape
in his image. One such man is Rico, who'll soon make the metamorphoses into WolveRico...once he shakes the shackles of flagrant
homosexuality and finds his back-woods savage fighting instincts. Stephanie McMahon was also pegged for a spot, since she
apparently possesses the mutant gene that saw her nearly triple in size in the last calendar year...Unfortunately though,
at this point, there is not a spandex bodysuit in her size... more on this as it develops. Pimping Section: Richard Waters returned this week with an all-new One Man Conchairto, where he
discussed his evolution as a wrestling fan. Scroll down to read that. Renee also chimed in with her two cents on random wrestling talent in her latest
"Just A Thought." Scroll down to check that out. Michael Melchor also helped a brother out by contributing this week's SmackDown
report- as opposed to my usual ramblings. Check that out here. Also, I have a brand new satire up. WWE Goes To The Movies! Check that out when you get the chance. And finally, if you have been reading my Blog (and shame on you if you haven't) then I promised a "revealing" picture of Trish Stratus. So, without further adieu,
here's Trish Stratus looking sexy with her BEAVER clearly on display. Enjoy! Ok, that's it for me. I'll be back next week with more lovin' the way you like it. 'Til then. Sean; Back-Leg Frontkick: (04/08/04) Hello Y'all and welcome back to the column that's like a warm hug on cold winter's eve, the Back-Leg Frontkick! Now that we've got the pleasantries out of the way, let me tell you that in the last few days, I've been in a BAD
way. For the first time in over a decade, I've gotten sick, and this is surprising considering what I've put into my body
over the years. Let's just say, I've been known to eat things that would make a billy-goat puke. At first, I thought the culprit
to be an on-the turn sandwich that I recklessly scarfed down this past Sunday, but time has proven it to actually be the regular
old flu. Couple that with the fact that I haven't shaved in two weeks making me basically look like I spend the bulk of my
free time making time bombs in a cabin in Montana, and you get the impression on how much of a mess I am right now. However, my body may be breaking down faster than the inhibitions of your sister after a few drinks, but that doesn't
mean I can't rant with my last dying breath...so onward and upward, I say. (Actually, I never say that, but I want to make
you think that I'm all wise and sage-like.) I'm Taking A Stand Against All This 'Gift Giving' Yes, you heard me right. It seems now adays we've come to the point where we have to break open the piggy bank
on a consistent basis, and purchase a "gift" for some manufactured holiday. With that in mind, I just learned today that Mother's Day is this weekend, which of course means I'll be expected
to buy something in commemoration of my Mother giving birth to me all those years ago. So, keeping that in mind, where's my
gift? Huh? I am after all the one who essentially made her a Mother, yet I get nothing for a tiring and perilous birthing
that ended with a callous Doctor getting his kicks by blasting me with an open hand to my very sensitive and tender ass with
all the intensity of a hard-way Ric Flair chop. Where's my reparations? Aww, actually I'll still buy her a gift, she after all has pretty much enabled me to become the person I am today,
and never once lambasted me for my seemingly unending cycle of ultimate laziness. But where will it end? I have a pretty large family, and thus a month doesn't pass where some sort of gift is warranted.
I really wish I could pull a page from the George Costanza play-book, and simply give them a receipt for a donation in their
name to "The Human Fund....Money, for people". That would be good. The funniest thing about "Gifts" is that no one ever gets you what you want, instead they get you what they think
you "need". It's bullshit, really. I can't tell you how many shirts adorn my closet like a proverbial hall of shame, purchased
by those individuals who thought they'd look really 'smart' on me, even though I practically begged them to never buy me them.
I mean, a sailor suit? I've never even been anywhere near a body of water that I didn't fill myself with a hose, so what would
make them think that I'd ever humiliate myself by wearing this "Sea Worthy" abortion? And it only got worse as I got older.
As far as I know, people in my family know I'm not a homosexual, so why do they insist on buying me these shirts that even
Ru Paul wouldn't be caught dead in? I mean just trying them on would cause me to burst into flames. So next time your giving a gift, go with cash, it frees you up the responsibility of actually having to put any
thought into the procedure, and it saves the "giftee" the indignity of having to lie about the dog-ugly abomination you thought
looked "sharp". On The Turn There is no secret that some of wrestling's most popular babyfaces actually started out as vile and hated "heels"
first, before for whatever reason (usually a combination of cool relatabilty or edginess) they eventually gained acceptance
and adoration amongst the masses. Superstars like Stone Cold Steve Austin, The Rock and even the nWo in WCW became appealing to the audience despite
being "evil", and thus, the companies had no choice but to give the crowd what they wanted, because after all, it's hard to
market a babyface when the guy he's wrestling is registering louder pops. WWE has on a few cases capitalized on their "cool" "anti-hero" popularity and made the subtle and seamless switch
to babyface. However, more often than not, WWE has fallen into the same trap, taking these appealing heels and turning them
into the very thing that the crowds had TURNED against in these men's favor to begin with. You'd think that the WWE would pick up on this, and rather than watering the character down by having him shed
everything "Heelish", they'd would allow the wrestler in question to simply just refocus his rage on other Heels. But, no,
WWE hears the crowds appreciation for these men , and in turn sucks the edginess out them, while running them through the
family-friendly marketing machine, and basically transforms them into flat, sell-outs who are reduced to peddling ridiculously
gaudy merchandise, and spouting the same over-played catch-phrase week in, and week out. There were stars that did progress naturally, like the aforementioned Stone Cold and The Rock, who although somewhat
softened, were still basically the same evil jerks they always were, and that's what the crowd ate up. Instead of making life
miserable for hapless babyfaces, they instead re-directed their venom towards the "unlikeable" Heels (Vince McMahon's character
in 1998 for example). These progressions worked, because these men were able to subtly settle into their characters and grow,
as opposed to instantly purging everything that made people fall for their act in the first place. Two great examples of botched babyface turns were Diesel in 1995, and HBK in 1996. With Diesel, in 1994, he was
gaining popularity just by virtue of destroying people, and doing it all with a breezy laid back attitude. This Diesel was
an "ass kicker extraordinaire" and people took to him the way you admire an especially deadly villain in a movie. However,
when WWE got their hands on Diesel, they marketed him as a smiling nice guy, and soon he became a stupid cartoon character
and a shell of his former self, parodying his former no nonsense schtick with cornball one liners that didn't fit the "Diesel
Character", and pandering to a crowd filled with more silly black gloves than you can shake a stick at. By the time they turned
him heel again, it was too late, but thankfully he was able to salvage the damage in WCW where he was finally able to get
a fresh start as basically himself. HBK was similar in the fact that after being booed for several years, the crowds eventually began to take to his
cocky arrogance, coupled with the fact that he was the most entertaining wrestler on the planet at the time. But unfortunately
for Michaels, WWE once again came swooping in and destroyed the appeal of the ultra arrogant HBK by having him now be somewhat
modest, all smiles and even forcing him to kiss some of the ugliest ring rats stationed at ringside, poured into their XL
HBK pink T-shirts like raw pizza dough in a plastic grocery bag. Not exactly the ladies man that the character had been played
up to be in his "Heel" days. Even worse is that this act (that was seriously bordering on the homoerotic) completely alienated
the male fans who grew to detest the effeminate, dancing caricature that Michaels had become under WWE's marketing machine
O'death. Not exactly the reaction you crave for your top babyface. In fact, collectively, HBK was turned on at The Survivor
Series that year, before being repackaged (after a few fleeting appearances that year) as DX HBK, which was more true to his
real life persona. The most current victim of this time-tested FAILURE, is John Cena, who found his niche by making lemonade out the
lemons WWE gave him when he was saddled with the kiss of death: A Rapper gimmick. John took that gimmick and molded it into
something cool and edgy, and thus began to win people over as his character tested the realms of good taste by insulting everything
and everyone. Nothing was off limits. Cena's schtick, much like the real world of Hip-hop, possessed a renegade appeal fueled in rebellion. People want
to cheer for the bad guy sometimes. So why does WWE wreck this dynamic, if only to sell some T-Shirts? I have news for you,
Cena would still sell Merchandise regardless of his character's stance on the rulebook, because it was OVER. But, no, WWE
had taken the Cena prototype and smashed it to bits, by toning him down, pander to the crowd and basically be a smiling jackass
throwing up his hook'em horns to the roar of the similarly corny fan-boys at ringside. Hey, if it's about money, you do what you got to do, but I'm begging for someone to KEEP the same persona when
they go babyface, because it CAN work. Look at Austin. You can't tell me Stone Cold (and the WWF for example) would have caught
fire the way it did if Austin all of a sudden turned from bad ass to good ol' boy high fiving the mutants in the front row?
That's what Anti-hero means. You should hate him, but damn if there isn't something likeable there. Right now John Cena is doing fine, but eventually his act will fall flat and he'll become stale, forcing WWE be
turn him Heel and edgy once again, and the biggest irony of all is that the fans will start cheering again. Smells Like WCW So, how do you like your new Cruiserweight Champion, Jacqueline? And you wonder why SmackDown has earned the nickname
"WWE Thunder" (which for those of you who didn't watch WCW, was the show that no A-list Wrestler would touch with a ten foot
pole.). Jacqueline returning from the OVW cryogenic chamber that she's been housed in and WINNING the Title off Chavo Guerrero
who's own booking has suggested him as the most DOMINANT cruiserweight Champion in recent years, may be the nail in the Cruiserweight
coffin. I mean, what does it say for the Men in the division when a forty year old woman who's five feet tall if she's an
inch, gets the job done, and they can't?. And I don't care if she ran over Chavito with a fucking truck first, it destroyed
the credibility of a title that just last year was treated as the Holy Grail itself when Rey Mysterio won it in front of his
family in his hometown. And Jacqueline? If you really want to find something for HER to do, you know there's an ACTUAL DIVISION over on
the other show. No offense to Jackie who is noted as being legit tough in real life, but come on! This is like Meng all over
again (Who was also real life tough and booked as such even though no one watching gave a FUCK). I mean, Jacqueline hasn't
even been on TV in almost a year. The rumored source of all this madness is of course "The Box the Game comes in" Mrs. Stephanie McMahon Helmsley-Levesque...
who thought it up on the fly when original choice Matt Capotelli (Tough Enough 3) was injured by Bob Holly (Surprise!~). I
guess it could be worse, she could have put it on herself, but thankfully she hasn't been under 215 for three years (I kid) In any event, I'm finding it more and more difficult to even watch SmackDown, let alone write about it. It just
makes me angry, I mean, can't the Cruiserweight division, you know, the ATHLETIC division, be the one thing exempt from Vince
and Big Steph's ridiculous "Sportz Entertainment"? Save this shit for people who can't get over by WRESTLING. WCW did this exact same routine during the Russo reign during the dying days of the promotion, basically putting
the Title on women, Bookers, and even non-cruiserweights. Maybe Vince should just bring back the Hardcore Title if he wants
this type of silliness. Or better yet, just scrap the whole division all together, to make more time for the High Kickin',
Hard Hittin' offense that only the Generic OVW Hoss can bring to the table. Pure Gonzo Journalism I thought since he's been out of the spotlight for so long, I'd shoot residant Ether binger,
Dr. Gonzo the chance to spout off some "Gonzo" wisdom until he's inevitable return, Enjoy: Hey gang, this is Gonzo back from the dead with some ranting this week. You see, as heartbroken as I know my fans
are for not hearing from me since Wrestlemania (who am I, the Undertaker?), my computer decided to crash on me twice, right
as I finished columns both times, and right in the middle of my final quarter of college. Anyway, Sean was nice enough to
offer me a little bit of his column to send out my POV on everything WWE, so here I am. I gotta tell you, rent is a little
steep in this district, so I will keep it short. The Undertaker: Well he finally appeared on TV last week, and I must admit, I wish he would stay off. It is just
reliving the disappointment of what the Undertaker could have been if he didn't go the Terry Funk route with his look. Anyway,
it led to a humorous exchange between my friends and I as we dubbed good old Mark, "Post-Modern Undertaker". You see he can
come out with Paul Bearer and say things like, "I am post-modern Taker. I break the conventions of what you would expect Undertaker
to to look like. I am open to infinite interpretation!! Cower in your boots Booker T, since there is no defense for POST MODERN
TAKER!! I can beat you with the Tombstone, the Chokeslame, the Last Ride, and if I am feeling Benoit-ish, the Triangle Choke.
You see, I cannot even define myself because I AM POST-MODERN TAKER!!" Imagine the promos. Pure heaven. I don't know if that
last paragraph made you all laugh, but i am sure it just labeled my friends and I as the biggest losers in the world. Scott Steiner: Looks like old Scott is out of a job now as the WWE doesn't have any plans to use him until is contract
expires. Now who will I turn to for the awesome repertoire of: punch, chop, suplex, suplex, suplex, suplex, elbow drop, push-ups,
wheezing, suplex, botched suplex, botched elbow drop, botched pin attempt, wheezing, pin and pose? Lastly, it looks as if TNA as signed a deal with Fox Sports. All I have to say is look out Sunjay Dutt, as I am
sure it won't be long until he is placed in a turban, wearing airplane goggles, carrying WOMD, and getting his as kicked by
a wrestler named Captain Patrioso, or G.W. Bushe, or Lex Lugar. THE LEX EXPRESS IS BACK BABY!!! Well that's all for now, I will try to keep up to date with this until my computer is fixed and all of that good
stuff, and thanks again to Sean for letting me steal some of his column for my babbling (unless you hate my writing then it
is BOO SEAN, YOU SUCK!!) Until next time, This is Gonzo over and out. HHHappy Six Month Anniversary! Several weeks ago, Triple H and Stephanie McMahon celebrated their six-month Anniversary, and surprisingly the
World continues to turn as usual....and not be sucked into a vortex from which there was no escape, as prophecies had originally
stated. Go figure. Anyway, despite all the flack we give Mr. and Mrs. Helmsley, we here at the Wrestling Fan.com would like to congratulate
the happy couple on six months of wedded bliss. Marriage is all about compromise, and the two are rumored to have given into several such concessions, with HHH
first casting off the shackles of responsible eating in favor of cholesterol ladened goodies, even going as far as replacing
the once spring-fresh H2O in his celebrated water bottle with a heavy viscous chicken gravy. Stephanie on the other hand has
compromised in the Boudoir, where Trips insists she "perform" under the role-playing name of "Joanie" while wearing a strap-on,
attaching herself to the walnut-cracking buttocks of 'The Game' like she was a spider-monkey clung to a tree. With compromises like these, what marriage wouldn't succeed?
Pimping Section: Gadaffi Duck returned this week with an all new "Weapons of Mat Destruction".
Scroll down to check that out. Richard Waters gave us another quality piece, this time taking a look at Backyard
Wrestling, and all without grinding a broken bottle into anyone's neck, so scroll down to check that out. Renee, the one high-pitched voice in this sausage factory, chimed in with her latest "Just a Thought" where
she looks at wrestling's rights and wrongs. Christopher Freda has promised to reemerge this weekend with a new "Bloodletting"
so check that out when it goes up. And once again, props go to Michael Melchor who stepped up with the SmackDown
Report. read that here. And finally, we have a new Retro-review up in Game Zone on PS1 Title: "WWF Attitude", click here to read that. And, keep supporting your friendly neighborhood Blog , because every time you skip it, God kills a kitten. Ok, Peoples. That's it for me, providing I don't die in the interim, I'll be back next week; Sean; Back-Leg Frontkick: (05/15/04) Welcome back to another edition of the column that's a lot like a fast-food hamburger... that
being something that doesn't live up to expectations and stuffed with useless filler, The Back-Leg Frontkick! And speaking of fast-food, is there a more irritating commercial jingle out there than McDonalds
current "catch phrase"? First, McDonalds seems to go through jingles faster than NBA stars go through white women (Um, that
being a lot) and every time one is seemingly burned into your collective consciousness, here comes another mass produced mess
that seeps into your brain like that worm Ricardo "Khan" Montobalm slipped into Chekov's ear in Star Trek 2. Throw in the fact that McDonalds is trying to come across more "urban" with the hip-hop and
you have false advertising right there. By these commercials, you'd think that America's largest distributor of fast-food
would be frequented by these types of edgy and hip clientele, but I have news for you, no one "cool" or "hip" EVER eats at
McDonalds. There's no jive-talking "beat-boxers" sitting in a car with their ridiculous friends humming "I'm Lovin' it", but
instead a variety of ugly children swinging on the swivel chairs, all without parent supervision, and COUNTLESS cheap senior
citizens getting repeated refills on their unfairly discounted hot coffee, before leaving the establishment altogether with
several copies of the restaurant's complimentary newspapers. I know this because I ate there every night for a year and a
half. And I'm about as "urban" as Carrot Top, so there goes that "image". Game Of Survival I have to admit that like a lot of people, I watched the last episode of Friends in lieu of
SmackDown. But one thing I DID NOT watch (nor ever will) was Suvivor. I personally just don't get this phenomenon. You do
realize that you've been watching the EXACT SAME SHOW for five years, right? I could undertstand the initial curiosity of
seeing strangers co-exist on an Island, but you'd think that after watching unkempt, stink-ladened heroes run roughshod through
the bush with an egg on a spoon for half a fucking decade would be enough to get you to commit to something a little more
original (and interesting). And I'm not even speaking of the shows validity which for the record I find questionable. It's
just hard to suspend disbelief for "Bushy Bill" eating a rat when the entire crew of producers and camera people are housed
in an air conditioned make-shift bio-dome sipping frosty mochcinno's with moxy. What's the appeal here? I don't care about these people or their meandering lives. I just don't
get it. But if you DO find yourself being captivated by hairy, unwashed people, I suggest you turn off your TV and just take
a trip to your local bus station where you can see people like this in their TRUE habitat. They call them HOMELESS PEOPLE,
and free of charge, you can sit back and marvel in their uncanny ability to retrieve various cigarette debris from a plethora
of garbage canisters, eventually striking "pay-dirt" and fashioning a homemade Dr. Frankenstein-styled cancer-stick, all the
while begging people for change for food when the stink of "Aqua Velva" on their breath is enough to suggest otherwise. And
the best part? Much like Survivor, every week one member of the tribe "Leaves" the "Island" when they are unceremoniously
sent packing to the local Institution when the frightening unmedicated state of full-blown schizophrenia kicks into gear!
Now THAT'S ENTERTAINMENT! Anyway, Onto the Rasslin! (Smack)Down And Out? SmackDown is getting to the point lately where a lot of the better known online writers (and
me) are threatening to not ever recap at anymore. It's reached WCW levels, as far as not only it's quality, but it's actual
booking. I feel sorry for Eddie Guerrero, I really do. I mean, it's ironic, but who'd have ever though that that the WCW (Raw)
World Title would eventually become the WWF"s most important championship? But that's exactly what has happened in the last
six months as SD's writers have given us very little to care about on Thursday nights. It's ironic too, because for the last
two years we in the IWC have cried out "Send Booker T. and RVD to SmackDown...so they can finally get a break!", and the irony
of course is that they were actually better off under the thumb of Triple H where although not anywhere near the Title, they
at least had established characters and firm spot in the upper mid-card. Who knew that when Booker T's character spouted that
SmackDown was the "miner leagues", just how startlingly close to the truth it would be? What's really strange is that SD, unlike a true Independent promotion, has access to the same
money, writers and talent of their RAW counterparts, yet, it gets treated like the "B" show rather than having the company
strive to have TWO equally strong products. But unfortunately, for whatever reason, Vince and company choose to let SmackDown die, while
putting all their eggs in the Raw basket. The problem with SmackDown is that there is very little to get excited about. The
Dudleys on Raw were almost unanimously agreed upon as being completely "stale", yet over on SmackDown, they've main Evented
3 weeks in a row! Add to this Rob Van Dam, who was thought to springboard to the Main Event with the jump to Thursdays, has
instead become a mid-card jobber, with his only singles win on TV coming against Charlie Haas...the night he debuted! Bradshaw
on the other hand is a step in the right direction, but unfortunately, the character development was hot-shotted into four
weeks of TV, rather than built over a six month period. The funny thing about the JBL character is that for the most part, outside the ring, he's interesting
and plays well, but once he steps in that ring, it's still just good ol' Bradshaw, hard hittin' hoss extraordinaire. For my
money, a character like this is supposed to be cerebral and somewhat refined in the ring. That's what made Ted DiBiase flourish
in the 80's. He was as good as he said he was, and that's why you hated him. To be fair to SmackDown, there are several bright spots, like say Rico & Charlie Haas,
but sadly, no one for them to work off of. Frankly, the handwriting seems to be on the wall as far as SmackDown is concerned,
and those letters seem to spell WCW.... In closing, I have to question WWE's continued support of the Brand Extension and ESPECIALLY
separate PPVs! I mean if you advertise the "rival" promotion on your TV show, what's the point? With that said, if there's
ever been a time to amalgamate the rosters, now would be that time. Unfortunately, some would be sacrificed if this were to
occur, but quite frankly, the ones that'd be cut aren't being used properly anyway,so, why not? We see the same eight guys
weekly anyway, so what's the difference? And at least, finally, we'd have a reason to watch Thursday's again. Hip-Hop Dropped? Well that didn't take too long. I am of course speaking of Brian "Grandmaster Sexay" Lawler's
release from his WWE contract this past Monday night. Apparently, he was fired for arriving late to a Raw show. This is of course after he was rehired
after originally being released in 2001 for trying to "smuggle" drugs across the Canadian border. Well, I guess it's back
to the indy's, but it's kind of sad, You got to admire a guy who carries most of his airline carry-all in his ass. There was
a reason he wore baggy pants, folks. Thankfully though, this did save him from the indignity of a Pat Patterson blitz, 'cause
it's hard to plug a hole that's already filled, if you know what I mean.... Ah, I'm an asshole, sorry. I wanted to say something nice, but it's hard to feel sorry for
the guy, especially when people like Kanyon get released for no good reason. So Brian, Enjoy yourself, and go party like it was 1999, because for your gimmick that was
always the case.... Conan The Politician News coming out Hollywood (makes me sound important when I say it like that, eh?) is that the
man who penned the original Conan movie, John Sillus, wants Triple H as the next incarnation of the heavily muscled barbarian.
I can see that, H's does sport that cro-magnon look that your picture the famed Destroyer having, and couple that with the
fact that HHH can use his uncanny YJ Stinger skill of spitting ferocious bees on command, and you add to Conan's already stacked
arsenal of sword-wielding mayhem! The only problem is however, that unless all of a sudden Conan is made completely out of
fudge, HHH may not exactly fit the mold, from the neck down anyway. But good luck to him anyway.
Bradshaw Vs. The Smarks; Bradshaw in his latest column on WWE.com, had some "harsh" words for online wrestling fans,
here is a sampling: "I am in the best wrestling shape I have been in in years. If we go a half an hour, I will
be ready. For those of you fat, out-of-shape Internet wannabes who have never done anything more athletic than play checkers,
kiss my ass for doubting me, and realize why you hate me. I was the guy in school who made you do my homework and locked you
in your locker. JBL will deliver Sunday and you can "report" whatever you want, but you will also realize how
little influence you have, except to your little nerd friends. How long has it been since you guys that spend all your time
reporting on us have been with a woman other than your mother? After all, when I see you in airports hanging out, you are
always with guys. You guys dont have a questionable sexual orientation, do you? Of course, it is 2004, I dont judge. " And No, he doesn't judge....he joins in, damn it! I'm sorry but it's kind of hard to insinuate
someone's gay when you yourself roll around in your underwear with men for a living. All kidding aside, it's pretty obvious that this is kayfabe. I mean, if it was mentioned on
TV or radio I might buy it, but when the comments are directed on the exact medium he's criticizing, I think it's fairly obvious
it's a "work". I think WWE pretty much learned their lesson at WrestleMania when the IWC destroyed the Brock Lesnar/Goldberg
match, in that we have a little more influence than they give us credit for (at least as far as information goes). As for JBL, it's actually a clever way to build extra heat for this Sunday's match, especially
since the bulk of the Internet fans reading are the ones who'll be sticking with the product regardless, and thus may want
to pay to see JBL get his ass kicked. For the record though, I was also the guy who stuffed people in their lockers in high school,
and I may spend a lot of time with my Mom, but damn it, she's a lovely person. And as for having girlfriends, well, I've had
my share of those as well, even though they weren't very attractive...ah never mind. Lance Settles Into Retirement; We've lost another unsung wrestling hero to the thralls of retirement, but thankfully in this
case it was voluntary on his part. Lance was a very talented worker, and a VERY underutilized star in the WWE. To see Lance at
his best, I suggest you download some of his ECW work. The mark of a great wrestler is how fluent he is in the ring, and how
well he took care of his opponents, and I believe Lance has one of the best safety records in the game, as far as not injuring
anyone goes. So, I'll take my hat off to Lance on a great career (but only for a second, it's covering an
unsightly bald spot) And, with that said, I thought we could take a brief look at what Lance Storm can look forward
to, now that he's joined the bustling retirement community: -Joining the other feller's in a game of straight poker. I mean, how can he lose? Just look
at that poker face. -Enjoying a quiet game of shuffleboard, among other low energy senior-friendly games. -Taking slow, yet consistently paced strolls on the beach with a bevy of blue hairs, who'll
no doubt now be breaking his door down, on the account that he'll be the freshest "meat" in Shady Acres. -He'll have to adjust to the new lifestyle, and avoid the urge to roll his brittle elderly
neighbors into a snug half-crab, to avoid dislodging any plastic replacement parts. -The folks there will find his straight-forward, well articulated approach to speaking very
pleasing, as they're easily baffled and bewildered by that "Nonsense" the younger generation spew carelessly and without proper
diction... -And last but not least, convert his love of reading into the patented elderly staple of: BOOKS
ON TAPE! Because, NOTHING is more exciting than Miss Marple read by the soothing melodious tones of Sir Peter Ustinov! Good luck, Lance, and enjoy your retirement, because these after all are the Golden Years.
Don't let the sun set on thee, my gentle Canadian friend.
Pimping Section: Gadaffi Duck took time out of his busy Schedule (pronounced "shed-jewel") to bring us
a parable on Stone Cold Steve Austin. Scroll down to read his Weapons of Mat Destruction. Christopher Freda's body was indeed found and in fact it wrote a column! Check out the
Bloodletting below. Richard Waters latest One Man Conchairto deals with a virtual pot pourri of Rasslin'
topics and kicks Rey Mysterio square in the balls for the 12th straight week. And My Friend, and yours, Harry Simon returns with a packed Clustershmazz, this time
debuting part 1 of Writer's court, where Triple H goes on trial for his very life. Click here to read that. And hats off to my surrogate and pal Michael Melchor for taking my baby (SD!) to term
for me, all the while writing up a storm in just about every zone on 411. Click here to read the SmackDown Report ala Melch. And this is a BUSY weekend. We MAY have a Roundtable up, and look for the Judgment Day Rant, because I'm a glutton for punishment. And support my Blog, with some love and a little patience, it can grow into a man you can be proud of. Well, that's it for me. I bid your farewell, and look forward to seeing your fat smiling face
this time next week. Sean; From there, he also speaks on those individuals he's had problems with and those whom have
had problems with him. He claims he's a changed man thanks to his newfound faith in God. - makes the women carrying around the collection plates
wear bikinis and participate in the occasional "Baptism gown" match; -During a sermon he'll insist that Jesus was crucified on a "symbol" and not
a cross. - Performs baptisms in pudding instead of water; -Attempt to bring in more church goers by staging "Jesus: This is your life" -When someone doesn't tithe, he'll point that person out and yell: "You'll never
see that bald piece of shit again!" -He'll refer to Judas' betrayal as a botched heel turn. -Refers to the time Jesus "cut a promo" on the mount of olives. -Confuses his congregation by insisting John 3:16 means "I just whipped your ass" -In an attempt to hook young people, he'll create "hip" and "edgy" youth groups
like "D-Nomination X" and nWo (new World orthadox) -When reading from the book of Revelations, and speaking of Armageddon, he won't
be able to resist the urge to yell "Live on Pay-per-view!" -And finally, throws down his collar in a SWERVE and yells that it was all a ruse!....
before ultimately going back to God three weeks later with no explanation given...
Back-Leg Frontkick: (05/28/04) This Week Sean Looks At Possible
New Competition For WWE, WWE Diva's Search, And The REAL Story Behind Eddie Collapsing! Hello, hello, and welcome to another edition of the column that treats you as if you were "special",
even though it's quite clear that you are not....The Back-Leg Frontkick! Before we get to the Rasslin' goodness that I bake with the same lovin' that your mom puts
into her huge apple pies, let me first address an email I received several days ago from a female reader, pertaining to comments
I made about "Lesbians" in a recent Raw Rant. Without printing the contents of the letter and her identity (she asked me not to), let's just
say she was none too pleased with my comments on Jill Q. Manhater and her merry band of ballbusters. Hey, I have nothing against Lesbians, (in fact I've adopted the lifestyle myself) I was just
amused by the irony that some lesbians are attracted to women who look like men, and can only have intercourse by using a
device that is BY DESIGN created to resemble a PENIS. Which leads me to the conclusion that the dick isn't what you despise,
but what's attached to it....that being the rest of the MAN... And you know, I have to tend to agree. Men are hairy, hideous and repugnant. As a matter of
fact, I can't understand why any woman, at any point in history, EVER agreed to have sex with a man, period. We
bring absolutely nothing to the table physically whatsoever. I mean, I can't even watch a porn movie if there's a guy in it.
As men, there's just certain angles we as men are NEVER supposed to witness. And if it wasn't for technology and film in particular,
we'd have absolutely no idea how truly repulsive we look while in "action". I don't know about you, but I for one could go a lifetime without ever seeing my own balls,
which for the record, are the human bodies equivelent of the chrome bulldog hood-ornament. That being grotesquely ugly and
serving no aesthetic purpose whatsoever. Now that we've established that men are repulsive, You must admit that deep down you require
the penis for survival. So, let us come to a compromise. We'll supply said genitals, and you in turn can utilize them as if
they were the regular grab bag of "sexual aids" you partake in like a kid in a candy-store. And from there, we'll in turn
just lie there while you use our bodies as the world's most disturbing pummel-horse. And if worse comes to worse, we'll even
be willing to wear a foam latex Rosie O'Donnell mask, if that's what float's your boat. I mean, why take it from a big fat woman who looks like a guy with a strap-on, working you
over like someone trying in vain to use a garden-weasel in February, when you can have a REAL fat guy, with a NON-DETACHABLE
appendage?! Call it a public service or whatever, but you should learn to embrace the penis, even if you're
not particularly enamored with it's life-support system. I mean, face it, when you have an itchy ear, you stick your finger in your ear to scratch it...
you don't put an "ear" in an "ear". OK, now that I've alienated any lesbian wrestling fans (which is not very likely do the nature
of the industry) we can finally move on to the Rasslin'!.... Calling All "Divas" Last Monday, Vince McMahon announced yet another WWE Diva search (didn't they do this last
year already?) with the winner of the competition garnering both a one year contract, but $250,000 dollars as well. Here's
the official proclamation from Vince as it was heard last Monday on SpikeTV: "The search is on for the most glamorous, sexy, personable, classy woman in all of the
United States and when we find her, that lucky lady will be the next RAW Diva and win a quarter of a million dollars. Now,
who will decide the winner? You will - all of you who watch Monday Night RAW." Well, it's good to see the WWE has it's priorities straight.... I'm not trying to be mean, but with a full roster of non-wrestling "Divas" (Sable, Torrie,
Dawn etc.) really doing nothing of note, why in the world would Vince and company be interested in hiring another, let alone
paying her more for one year's service than half the entire roster!? And for what? Apparently this "Diva" isn't even going
to be used in a wrestling capacity, but, instead used for public appearances, and of course the obligatory tropical photo
shoot. I can't see how this will benefit anyone-but the winner of the contest, as there really is
no pay off for this investment on their part. The bottom-line is that WWE is a PUBLIC COMPANY now, and they have a responsibility to return
dividends to their stockholders on these crazy schemes. I mean in the last 4 years, Vince at the helm of this public company
has thrown away millions on everything from the abortion that was XFL, WCW, the huge-money signings of the nWo, Hulk Hogan,
Goldberg, and now this. And while this isn't a huge amount of money in the overall scheme of things, it's still insulting
to those individuals backstage male AND female alike, who bust their asses, work over 250 days a year, and make less than
half off what these plastic princesses will. The WWE needs more CREDIBLE female wrestlers, not more Torrie Wilsons, being force-fed on us,
all the while when they do actually attempt to "wrestle", they do so with about as much grace as an old man throwing elbows
in a swimming pool. The funny thing is that we all know what archetype will prevail in this competition anyway,
as Vince seems to have tunnel vision as to whom he deems worthy of being programmed as sexy. And at times it's not even
what the actual audience might find appealing in the fairer sex. For as much talk as there is about Vince having a preference for "big men", similar criteria
holds true for the "Divas", as the majority of his picks tend to be overly muscled gym-rats who's original parts are probably
floating in jars in a plastic surgeon's office. No disrespect to these types, as one or two are unique, but when 90% of them
look as if your dick would break off inside their asses, I'd hope they'd mix things up and go for a more relatable, "normal",
pretty girl-next-door look, as opposed to the jacked-up California image that is seemingly mass produced in the exact same
WWE factory as those hard hittin' "Hosses" JR seems to cream himself over. Of course this is just my opinion. Anyway, You get the impression that Vince is more "Carny" than businessman, as he seems to
be adept at producing strange ideas and out-there gimmicks, than buckling down and spending the money where it's actually
needed. Perhaps Vince was really just an idea-man who caught a lucky break. I don't know. All I do know is that this whole thing makes me angry, and maybe it shouldn't, but it does.
For all the crap we give HHH and Undertaker, at least they draw (or have drawn) money for the company at one time ore another.
This "Diva" search is just another attempt for WWE to garner some publicity by contributing to the seemingly unending obsession
with reality TV. So when whatever augmented blond wins the competition, and in turn appears on TV in the inevitable
Vince "perverted old man" skit or rigged "Bikini contest", think about the guys busting their asses out there, while cramming
7 guys in a car to get to the next show, while "Buffy" "earns" her money by doing nothing of any value whatsoever.
After months of Goldberg's profile still being listed on WWE.com, in hopes that they'd sign
"Da Man" to a contract extension, it has finally been taken down. With Goldberg and Steve Austin both*officially* free agents now, rumors are once again swirling
that the two could be bound for a new promotion. One that would likely be built completely around them and their "feud". Throughout most of this speculation, Ted Turner's name continues to come up, as apparently
the former WCW owner is very interested in starting another promotion once Time Warner's "no-compete" clause expires next
year. If these rumors are true, and Turner is actually interested in throwing his hat back in the
ring, this could finally be the competition that the industry so desperately needs. Turner not only has the connections and
the money, but also access to one of several TV networks, which is the life blood of a wrestling company. Couple that with
the sheer amount of A-list free agents out there now available such as Goldberg, Austin, Hogan and even Mick Foley (who is
NOT under contract to WWE), this upstart could generate some buzz right out of the gate. And while building a promotion around
these men is hardly good for the long term success of a company, it's initial shock value would likely generate initial ratings
on curiosity alone. Now, the only piece of the puzzle missing is a figure head, someone who'd run the day to day
operations, and ironically enough, Eric Bischoff's WWE contract is on the verge of expiring. Imagine if after spending this
much time in the WWE, if "Easy E" would all of a sudden up and re-join Turner in forming this new promotion! And while it's
not very likely at this point (the Turner company is still just a "rumor" at this point) one couldn't help but be captivated
at the prospect of history repeating itself as Eric, with money behind him, tries to rebuild the empire he once had. At the
very least, a promotion like this would cause WWE to get their shit together or risk having mis-handled stars like RVD and
Booker T. (among others) "jump ship" to the rivals for more money and less road time. This could easily happen, as there would
now be serious alternatives for many stars otherwise stuck in WWE because, frankly, there was never anywhere else to seek viable
full time employment. Whatever comes of this "rumor", I hope it does happen. WWE experienced it's boom period after
being FORCED to change their booking philosophy, as they had no alternative but to in the mid-90's, when WCW's then
revolutionary programming forced the stale WWF to change with the times and actually go with DIFFERENT people on top. Change is good, and competition is beneficial to everyone. It's what makes Vince tick, whether
he wants to admit it or not. And his urge to crush this (or any) upstart promotion could do nothing but help WWE's (most notably
Smackdown's) current staleness, as he'd likely attempt to outdo anything his "rival" would produce. I mean, why change when
you have the world by the balls? But things are definitely different when you have someone breathing down your neck. This
could be the best thing to happen to the industry in a LONG time. This past Sunday was the 5th anniversary of the Owen Hart tragedy, but during a conversation
with Harry Simon, the topic of conversation somehow segued into Diana Hart and her controversial book, "Under the Mat",
where she made allegations that her ex(pired)-husband Davey Boy Smith, apparently drugged her drinks and in turn sodomized
her while she slept. The story then goes onto say that Diana was having a conversation with Ellie Neidhart (Jim the Anvil's
wife), where Diana revealed that her ass was sore, to which Ellie replied that Davey probably drugged and sodomized her as
Jim used to do to her.....(or so the book says) Wow, that's something. I'd have never pegged Davey Boy as an ass-man, myself. One thing I do
know for a fact though is, they definitely didn't learn THAT in the Dungeon. And as much as I try, I just can't picture old
Stu teaching the finer points of arm-locks and half-nelsons, before getting the boys in a huddle and going over the do's and
don'ts of ass-play. Although, had Stu gone done that (dirt) road, maybe he'd have had a lot less groceries to buy if you know
what I'm saying. I mean the Greeks did mean for it to be a form of birth control when they "invented" it. Anyhoo, apparently this book has been suppressed most likely due to the unsupported allegations
contained within. I for one refuse to believe that Davey would behave in such a manner, or even worse, that Jim Neidhart would
initiate the "act" while stroking his goatee in that disturbing manner. One thing that made no sense though, is that Diana claims that this happened repeatedly . I
don't know about you, but if I woke up with a tender ass and no memory more than once, I'd tend to start fetching my own "drinks"
from then on in, if you know what I mean. Most people in that situation, would, I don't know, DIVORCE the guy the moment it
happened? I mean what else could it be? Somehow I'd think you'd make the connection a little faster than Di did. You just
don't wake up with a broken ass in everyday life (Unless you sleep over at Patterson's). Diana spared no expense in burying everyone and in turn made some pretty libelous remarks.
So much so that the bulk of her own family has turned on her. That Diana, what a pain in the ass. The REAL Story Behind Eddie Guerrero Passing Out: When Eddie Guerrero passed out on last week's edition of SmackDown, the WWE would have you
believe it was due to a combination of blood loss from the Pay-per-view, and post concussion syndrome. However, we at The
Wrestling Fan have evidence to the contrary. If you've followed the ongoing story here at the Wrestling Fan, you'd know that when Kurt Angle
was hurled from a cliff by the Big Show, he was not only confined to a wheel chair (and thankfully not the usual DEATH
that accompanies a 2000 foot drop) but also bestowed with telekinetic powers. The blow to his head upon impact from the frightening
plunge reconfigured his cerebral cortex and created an uncanny ability to levitate objects, and more importantly blessed him
with the gift to read, and in turn manipulate minds around him. What you don't know is that the WWE, in an effort to dissuade the telepathic Olympian from
pursuing legal reparations for his "accident", went to GREAT expense to appease Kurt, by first creating a fully customized
wheel chair, capable of flight, then ultimately fashioning a device that allows the fallen Olympic hero the luxury to enhance
his already intense telekinetic prowess, only on a much larger scale, thus enabling Kurt to tap into the collective consciousness
of the SmackDown locker room at will, and in turn create a symbiotic "bond" with them. The device nicknamed "Cerebro" is said
to cost upwards of five hundred million dollars, or one Bill Goldberg contract. However, What WWE doesn't realize is that the SD General Manager has not utilized "Cerebro"
in the benevolent manner for which it was designed, instead using the machine for dubious means, utilizing it's powers to
torment the minds of his various detractors. Unfortunately for Eddie Guerrero, he was it's latest victim. Our man on the scene was able to snap several VERY incriminating photos of your Olympic Hero
during various stages of his diabolical plot. 1. We see Kurt, hooked into "Cerebro" which was secretly located in the
Heel shower room. Apparently, the machine was nearly shorted out several times when Bradshaw playfully splashed water
at Kurt who was amidst heavy telepathic symbioses, before thankfully turning his attention to a soaped-up Shannon Moore.... Kurt then with no distractions, was able to "tap" into Eddie's mind (While Bradshaw was off
in the corner, doing some tapping of his own...). 2. Unbeknownst to Eddie, Angle was now deep into his mind and began to
cause some severe damage to Eddie's frontal lobe causing the WWE champion to stumble and collapse in the ring in mid-match,
as everyone around looks on in confusion. 3. And finally, with the medics tending to the fallen Latino Heat, Rob
Van Dam spots Kurt and Cerebro. Angle then panics, and he and the chair become airborne and jet across the darkened rafters
of the arena, while RVD scratches his head in disbelief at what he just witnessed, before ultimately blaming the whole episode
on the cheap dime bag he had purchased earlier that evening With the bulk of the attention still on Guerrero, Angle was then able to slip out of the
arena unseen. More on this story as it develops.....
Pimping Section: Christopher Freda returned with an all-new
Bloodletting, where he looks at the recent ROH show from Philedelphia; Read that below; Richard Waters gives his two cents on the impending
HBK/Trips HHHell in a Cell match, and it's impact on the World Title, in his latest "One Man Conchairto". Scroll down to read; Renee has a new "Just A Thought" up where she
looks at racially driven comments and storylines in the WWE; Scroll down to read. Michael Melchor gets back into the swing of
things with his latest SmackDown Report; Click here to read that. And finally, check out my Raw Rant and of course The Blog, it needs your love. Well, that's it for this week. I'll be back next week with that gentle touch you know you love... 'Til then Sean;
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THE BACK-LEG FRONTKICK!
