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The One Man Conchairto

The One Man Conchairto (02/25/04) By Richard Waters
 
RAW is WCW
 
Welcome to my first (and hopefully not last) column for The Wrestling Fan. Ive been a true fan of wrestling since the summer of 1998. Im a little upset that Gail Kim has still not returned. I try to not spend my time browsing news and rumors sites, but man I wish I knew how much longer shes out for. Hopefully she comes back really soon with a gimmick this time. Victoria is the champ now and seems to have Molly's number. Who else is left? Fucking Jazz? They need to trade her over for Nidia and then we could squeeze her in Sean's year 2000 spaceship along with Scotty and Rikishi. Now thats a backstage segment I wouldnt mind seeing.
 
After receiving an e-mail saying that I was a new columnist on the site I had a problem: thinking of a topic. I decided not to stress it too much until after Raw. Nothing really caught my eye at first. I started thinking about how excited King got when he learned of bra and panties at WrestleMania. I started to wish there was a way we could see them naked and then it hit me when I thought about the Monday Night War DVD.
 
2001 brought an interesting angle into the WWE, then WWF. The angle I am talking about is of course, the Alliance WCW/ECW stint. It was a little weird to me at first, because one I hated WCW, and two the whole title picture did not make any sense. The "Montreal Screwjob" was done, from my knowledge and reading at least, because Vince did not want WCW to have Bret as their respective champion handed to them on a silver platter. And yet the first PPV featuring the Alliance, Invasion, saw Stone Cold as WWE Champion join WCW. To quote the Hurricane, what's up with that?
 
In a short time, the WCW angle was killed off in a mere four months. Yes some of the talent has remained with the company since, but it does seem as if the Genetic Jackhammer took pleasure in killing off all that was WCW, and still rub it in our faces. It must have been pretty obvious who would prevail. Yes I could see WCW overthrowing the McMahons. Yes, they did win the last 5-on-5 tag team match. But it was pretty obvious they would win when Test won the Immunity Battle Royal, who was a WCW guy at the time.
 
They really didnt have that much Alliance-true talent as it is. I guess they could only hold contracts with a select few, and had to send some of their own guys to switch sides. I dont know, just my perception. Even after the Rock pinned Austin to end the Alliance, the whole situation was not over with, was it? This was not the end of WCW per se. It wouldnt be much longer (give or take a year) before we started to notice that Raw was no longer Jericho, but Raw is WCW!
 
Everything on Raw today just screams WCW. I tell you, I dont even understand the whole Undisputed Title thing. They had Jericho walk away with both belts, but that soon ended. What was the point in unifying the World titles, if youre just going to separate them again? Dont get me wrong, I actually like the brand extensions, but it just doesnt sit well for me. Then again how many times has Hogan retired and returned? The WWE doesnt always make sense, we all know this. Where else can you burn someone and get away scot-free? It doesnt matter though because we accept all that Vince throws at us. I mean nothing by this, but if Owen Hart were to mysteriously return at WrestleMania Vinne Mac would owe us an explanation.
 
The start of the brand extension came at SummerSlam of 02. Brock Lesnar sided with Steph and that left Raw meaningless no champion. They gave Trips the title, except this was the WCW title. Hmmm, what would Vince do? He couldn't have anything from the rival company still in existence. He renamed it the World Heavyweight Title and fooled everyone. No one was the wiser, no one knew it was in fact the old WCW title. He beat RVD, he beat Kane, HBK beat him but he won it a month later in one of those Kliq encounters. Now the real WCW overtaking of Raw began.
 
All of Triple H's opponents for his title were old WCW stars. His first of the new year was Scott Steiner. I heard several positive things about his time in WCW (keep in mind I never watched the brand) and I expected something out of these two. Anything. Steiner was a big disappointment and the fans cheered on Hunter. Instead of putting him lower on the card, they had a rematch the next month. Triple H beat him and that ended Scott's main-event spotlight. Next came Booker T and I actually thought he was going to win. What a fool I was! The fact that they kept calling Booker the 5-time WCW Champion didnt fool anyone because he was challenging for the World Heavyweight Title. After Mania Triple H feuded with long time friend, Kevin Nash. The battles were the same as with Scott Steiner. Their first encounter ended in DQ, with the guy beating down Trips (Recliner vs. Powerbomb through table) and then the next time they wrestled, Trips won.
 
August on to the end of the year was Goldberg. The only difference this time was that Goldberg actually won the rematch, and Trips rematch as well. Yet like the HBK reign, Triple H regained the gold. Now his latest opponent is Chris Benoit at Mania. Yes he is a former WCW guy, but he was out during the Alliance angle and came to the WWE long enough to be considered a loyal follower in my book. Its also quite fitting that he left the company after winning the gold because of backstage politics. Well thats what one site said at least. I also find it a little weird that the WCW Title is the main-event for the biggest WrestleMania of them all. I want Benoit to win yes, but will he? If he by some miracle walked away with the gold at XX and lost it the next day Id be satisfied.
 
Not only do we have the stars, the failed gimmicks and the title but we have Eric Bischoff running Raw. The same guy who was fighting the WWE with Nitro. I also forgot about Rey Mysterio. But hes on Smackdown and that doesnt count. Hopefully somewhere in my ongoing ramblings, someone has seen at least one point in that Raw is WCW. Just because there are WCW elements on Raw, doesnt make it a bad show. I mean, it could have been worse. They could have toned the show down a little where when Stacy shows her ass the camera turns and we wouldn't be able to see it. Oh, wait.

The One Man Conchairto (03/03/04)

Believe The Hype

Hello and welcome to the second edition of The One Man Conchairto. As seems to be the trend, I had trouble thinking of what to talk about. I thought about a predictable column on WrestleMania thoughts and opinions, but I'm sure that would be the topic behind my first roundtable and besides... that'll make a perfect column for next week.

I thought about some of the talent for WM and then Goldberg came to mind. Back in the actual WCW days my Dad was a big fan of his. I, being an Austin fan, hated his guts. I wanted them to fight, for I knew my hero Stone Cold would win. However, when he came to the WWE nearly one year ago... I was quite excited and if he does leave for Japan after his match with Brock, he will be missed by me. And from the things I've been reading from w-e forums, I am the only one.

It may not mean a whole heck of a lot coming from the dumbest "smart" fan, but I like Bill and I think he's a good wrestler. Say what you will about his whining backstage and lack of moves, he is the man. He only has a few moves and his matches are usually short in my opinion because he's usually booked for squash matches and his character is a monster. A monster does not need 10 minutes worth of submission and little moves to tell a story. A spear and a jackhammer says it all. It was irritating as hell to

read that those in the back wanted him to stop using the jackhammer. Then he'd be using Edge and Rhyno's finishers. Besides, then old Bill would only have two moves left... well four if you count his press slam and the death to Bret kick.

I for one hope he does come out on top at WrestleMania. I hate Brock Lesnar and I would gladly watch Triple H destroy him if there was a champion vs. champion match to end the brand extension. I simply like Goldberg better than Brock. Although I'm sure if it's Bill's last match he wouldn't mind per se to job to Lesnar. What more does he need if he's no longer with the company? Lesnar's win over Bill would only give him momentum. However, with Austin in the mix that really puts the entire spotlight on him an

d off of two of the biggest names in the business.

I also want Kane, Christian and Molly to win their matches as well. However, like these I wouldn't be too heartbroken if they did not come out on top as long as the Benoit payoff was there. Other than that I look forward to seeing the final jackhammer on Cock Lesnar for the 1,2,3... and if a stunner is given, then so be it.

Speaking of which, I'm a little disappointed that Goldberg will not be doing any promos to hype up his match. I figured they'd try to build up towards WrestleMania, seeing as it is one of the biggest matches on the card. I'm sure Brock will talk a lot of smack and crush another nobody on Smackdown, but that just doesn't cut it with me. It can't be any worse than the video footage we've been seeing in response to the Taker/Kane battle. Yes the rain and lighting effects are cool, but we want to see Taker alre

ady. But of course that will not happen on free TV.

I have to admit that the ECW theme suits well with this site. Although it can be a little annoying if I already have music playing. I love the themes of the WWE (minus a few including the Bashams, Scotty and Jazz), but some of them really need to be edited. Kane and Benoit have phenomenal entrance themes, but the vocals don't kick in until they've already made it to the ring. I don't think they should wait in the back until that lyrics kick in like the Rock, but perhaps they should cut out that first minute

of music... especially Kane's. Whatever happened to Jericho's "Don't You Wish You Were Me" song? He came out with it one day after the release of WWE Originals, but he's still using the current theme he's had since 1999. They use Booker T's God awful "Can You Dig It?", but refuse to have Jericho's song? I don't get it, and he's easily the only one with any musical talent.

I've also been confused for a while. The US Title, is it actually the old Light Heavyweight Title? Whenever I bring this up on w-e forums, the masses attack me and tell me, no the US Title is the WCW equivalent of the Intercontinental Title. If some one could clear this up for me, that would be greatly appreciated. And while you're at it, someone tell the Rock to shave.

 

(03/10/04)

By now I'm sure everyone is getting in the routine of reading everyone's WrestleMania picks on the web. I don't have anything particular to talk about this week, so I suppose I'll copy other writers on this site and talk about a few headlines. Oh yeah I also feel the need to add something short on Benoit I posted to my journal.

With the Undertaker set to return as "The Deadman" at Wrestlemania, William "Paul Bearer" Moody has been hinting to people that he will also return to the WWE to reteam with Undertaker. Of course, some may be surprised if the WWE brings Moody back, considering the fact that he bashed the company on several occasions after he left the company several years ago.

This should make Taker's entrance to the big event a little more special. To tell you the truth I can't even remember what ol' Paul looks like. I read about this before Raw, but the urn in the casket should have been a little hint at his return. I'm finally glad that Taker is finally going to come out. The little paranormal activities have gone on long enough. The ring-sting on Raw was lacking, at best I'd say.

I was just browsing the Punisher Movie Soundtrack web site (www.punishermusic.com), and I noticed that Finger Eleven's Slow Chemical (Kane's Theme) is listed in the track listing. I'm surprised, because it is, after all, a WWE theme song. Just thought you guys might find it interesting.

If that's considered WWE copyrighted, then why are a lot of songs taken out of video games? Lita's insane theme was in Shut Your Mouth, but not in HCTP. Same thing with RVD's One of a Kind. Slow Chemical among others were never added to games. I don't know, I just find it weird.

The news that Brock Lesnar may take time off due to not being happy with WWE's tough travel schedule is getting no sympathy from the other wrestlers. The general feeling is that everyone has to go through the schedule but everyone does not get the spot that Brock has or the money Brock makes. Most feel Brock knew what he was getting into and now cannot take the pressure.

Oh poor Brock. It pisses me off how he's complaining that he'll be fed to the Deadman. What about the three times you faced off with him for the title? Who ALWAYS came out on top? In a little over a year, they gave you what? 3-title reigns, last King of the Ring and a Royal Rumble win? Quit bitching. He received the biggest push ever and most don't even achieve half of what he's got. Quit being a greedy ass and just accept what's given to you. If he didn't give the title to Eddie, he'd be SD!'s Triple H. God I hope Goldberg beats your ass.

$50 for WrestleMania seems pretty steep. Normally I would buy it, but I wouldn't pay that much for other freeloaders to watch it. Of course I didn't have that attitude when my Dad used to buy the PPVs. I'm sure I'll be able to enjoy the matches a week from Sunday via Kazaa since I'm so cheap. I might buy the DVD if it turns out to be a good event, but I'm sure it won't be as much as the actual PPV.

It was four years ago that Benoit won the WCW Title. Immediately after he jumped to the WWE in 2000. He found success with the IC title months later. Towards the middle of the year he was fighting for the biggest thing in the industry, the WWE title. He cheated his way to victory against the Rock, but Foley reversed the decision. A few months later he hit Taker with a chair and "won" the title again. Foley reversed the decision yet again. Benoit seemed to have been bumped out of the main-event for good. November came and Benoit seemed to be the man on Smackdown. In January he went in the Rumble as number one, and won the match. The only other man to do that was Shawn Michaels, eight years earlier. Benoit came to Raw and demanded his shot be against Triple H. Michaels found a way into the match and made it a triple threat. It's not a question of will Benoit win. It's a question of when: biggest stage ever, or in front of his hometown and Canadian fans?

Rumors are going around that Trips is not interested in working with Chris after WrestleMania. Edge is returning from injuries and he wants him to come to Raw to have a feud. That makes one believe either Benoit or Michaels will win the gold. Yes Michaels could win it and then lose to Benoit in Canada, which will be huge for them. The Canadians hate Michaels for what he did to Bret, and they'd tear him apart. Benoit would have so much of a pop in his hometown as well. I don't want the title to look worthless if HBK wins it on Sunday and drops it to Benoit in a month. I hope Benoit walks out with the gold. WrestleMania is so suspenseful because nobody got the last laugh on Raw and it's anybody's game. WrestleMania XX is the biggest show ever, and in my opinion it will mean more to win it here, rather than next month in Canada. Triple H has never lost a title match at Mania. He needs to let someone else have a go at it. Shawn Michaels, as great as he is, is not as good as he once was. He's had his share of title reigns. Just let Benoit win this one. I don't care if he was forced in a rematch the next night on Raw and lost, but never had the title again. Just as long as he won it at WrestleMania.

(03/17/04)

WrestleMania & Other Nonsense

The last PPV I watched live (i.e. non Kazaa) was WMX-8. It was around 5 when my parents asked me if I wanted to watch WrestleMania. The only downside was I had to watch it with another person who felt the need to give me his commentary. You know the type, the guy who thinks he's a freaking genius because he is able to explain to you why wrestling is fake as if you weren't able to come up with the conclusion on your own. "There's a microphone under the ring to make the sound louder" - I was anticipating him telling me that the whole show was staged, which seems to be mandatory for those people, but to no avail. But the kid's an idiot. He's the type of guy who claims that the sharpshooter doesn't hurt, cries when you apply it and then wants some more. For the record I always whipped his ass on the trampoline, although Backyard Wrestling never wanted to watch my videos. And believe me, a real crossface can hurt like a bitch. My friend had me in it one time and the pain was so bad that I could not physically tap out. Let it be known, that I loved WMXX and this remains the first time I looked at the grand daddy of them all as more than just another PPV.

Congrats go to Cena for winning the US Title. Although from his celebration you'd think he won the WWE in the main-event. I was expecting more and at least a 5-knuckle shuffle or the throw back. Good job at taking away Show's wristwatch. Now we can have a light heavyweight champion we can be proud of. I'm sorry, I refuse to believe it's not that title. After this the annoying kid wanted to know if the Canadian title was going to be defended. He's getting another sharpshooter again.

Now I loved Christian's character of sneaking behind Jericho's back and calling Trish out, but I'm starting to hate him and the little slut. Maybe this means he's a good heel, but I don't know. For some reason I wanted him to win with some offbeat shananigians, but a Trish heel turn was not something I wanted. Maybe I just don't understand the logic. I know women like to be dominated, but nevermind...

Evolution vs. Rock n' Sock was a good match. Did you know Rock's tattoo is sexy? That's what my Mom says. Unexpected finish, but I suppose Foley and Rock wanted to be put over younger talent. Although there's a chance Foley might win against Orton since he did challenge him. But when? Backlash? The Playboy thing was slightly better than last year's cat fight piece of crap, but I originally thought an evening gown meant bra and panties match. Whatever, there were a few ass shots so it was sort of worth it.

Cruiserweight Open was rushed. It was a little funny to see Ultimo slip. And I swear, if they (I forget which two) had moved during Kidman's Shooting Star on the outside, he would be dead right now. And what the hell is with Rey in wearing those ugly costumes at WrestleMania? As far as Brock/Goldberg goes... I didn't hate it. Fuck, the crowd pissed me off so bad. I find it so insulting to call a match boring... I guess it could be worse. That could be Grenier's thoughts during one of his Patterson encounters. Yet I still don't understand why Austin doesn't wrestle. Goldberg's undefeated at WrestleMania!!!

I hear Rikishi and Scotty won their match. That was a piss break for me. I may be a big Molly fan, but Victoria looks hotter and hotter everytime she comes out. In any event, Molly still looks hot bald. I did find it funny when King said it would be the first time, heh. I've stated in the past that I'm not a full-Eddie fan, but his match at WM sucked me in. Holle la vato... or whatever. Awesome job by Latino Heat. What was with Taker's "new" costume? He came out with a hat... and had Taker symbols on his pants. You refused to show him since November for that? But wait, he did the classic tombstone, rolled his eyes and stuck out his tongue. Wooooooooo.

World Title. I was a little ancy for this one. The only title change occurred at the start of the show. It reminded me of Survivor Series where the only faces that won were from the start and end of show (Team Angle... Goldberg). Although the lack of heel wins had my doubts. As soon as the match started I was dead into it. Benoit locked in the sharpshooter and I kept chanting "tap tap tap" - only not as loud as Benoit did on Raw. Then when he finally made Trips tap out, I totally marked out by pulling a Shawn Michaels celebration from his Iron Man win. In a way I didn't understand the whole Eddie/Benoit moment. To my knowledge they were fighting over that US title come their time in Smackdown. Whatever, still a great moment.

For the record, I have enjoyed the brand extension. Why you ask? With certain stars on each show I am free to watch Raw without fear of seeing such losers as A-Train, Brock lesnar and the Bashams on my TV. Now this draft is just bad. It's wrong. It's evil. I guess the Benoit win was too good to be true. In a few months we could be seeing Train vs. Henry on Raw. No, that is just sick and wrong! With Lesnar gone I thought Raw would soon be almost perfect. Brock would not be coming on and Edge should be on soon. That left Eddie/Cena as the sole reason to watch Smackdown. Meaning that the whole draft is to only benefit Smackdown's lack of heel main-eventers. Vince when the fans said they hated the brand extension, that doesn't mean they'd like it more if the talent were moved around. Would half the Cruiserweights go to Raw, and would half the women go to SD!? God leave Victoria alone. She is the new favorite of mine. Oh yeah and "family members" included probably means Shane and Steph are coming back.

That was a pretty little picture painted by Sean in the latest Raw rant: Benoit winning with the Sharpshooter and the possibility of him facing Michaels for the TITLE in CANADA. That is all for me, I think I'll go watch Victoria's entrance over and over and over again. Her face character is the best. Hey, I actually remembered to add a title this week.

(03/24/04)

Genuine Draft

Hello readers and welcome to another edition of The One Man Conchairto. My favorite part about the IWC is how everyone over-reacts to the happenings in the WWE from mere seconds after the show's close. When Kane removed his mask was a perfect example. Everyone assumed that his career was over. You mean his character at the time wasn't shit? When he debuted he was a monster and then he turned into a pussy that was jobbing to Spike Dudley. Although he isn't the World Champ (hopefully that can be a yet) but he
is certainly doing more than he would have before. Sure the only way he could have gotten bigger would have been to beat his brother, since he is a spinoff character. Everyone knew that wasn't happening at WM. But now Taker is back to not selling, and I wasn't a fan back when he was the original deadman that had Hogan and Warrior crapping in their panties so I assume that means moves don't affect him... similar to when Hogan "hulks up." It still seems that Kane is in a rivalry with Taker because he can't let the match at WM go. I guess he's back to losing again, but at least now Rico isn't winning matches over the monster.

I do like to be surprised, and yes I'm not that much of a "smart fan" where I can predict everything. I chose to not go to any rasslin' website yesterday because I wanted the draft to be special. It's a lot of fun, kind of like the Royal Rumble, seeing as the suspense of finding out who's next is a killer. I actually thought the lottery meant that all names were in the bingo basket and that each GM would choose until all are gone. I hardly think of 12 people changing over as shaking things up.

First was Rene Dupree and that really shook Raw's foundation. I suppose Sylvan returning couldn't be any sooner. Although it'll be a little weird so see him and Conway teaming up, since I'm so used to him and Dupree. I think Dupree could perhaps give Cena a run for his money. I'm sure he'll go through all of the lower guys and then face off with Dupree. Like him or not, nobody hates the dance.

Shelton Benjamin. I don't really like the WGTT and the whole gauntlet from Thursday's SD! put me to sleep, but I guess they see something in him for a single's career. It's kind of stupid to break apart the only real Tag Team, not just on SD but WWE period... the Dudleys just don't count.

Mark Jindrak. Raw is being torn apart from the inside. I don't think breaking apart the team that nobody cares about means anything. What's next, end of the Bashams? Say it ain't so! I hear he teamed with O'Haire in WCW, so maybe they can bring him back. He was getting a little push in early 2003. He just died after that shitty Bar Room Brawl at Vengeance. Those little promos he did were so cool. Too bad you weren't the newest member of Evolution like everyone thought, eh?

Nidia. Now this makes sense to me, and I have actually wanted the move for a while. She HAS to know how to wrestle. I didn't watch Tough Enough, but I'm pretty sure Nidia won the tournament because of her wrestling ability and not her sex appeal. If not then I'm sure that hot girl would have won. Although I do believe she was the only entrant in the finals that didn't make it. I mean Nowinki was there for a while... Maven shows up sometimes... I think the Josh announcer is that little guy. She wasn't doing anything on SD! anyway. Go Nidia, you win that Women's Title!

Triple H. I suppose they really like the idea of breaking up teams. It usually doesn't work, right Reverened D-Von? I figured Stephanie was returning if he was going to SD! Or maybe he wanted the WWE Title as he waited to take the World Title from Benoit. I don't know, but maybe SD! needed a big name since all the other trades were well, nothing. Brock Lesnar replacement I guess. They have a lot of things in common. Three time champion of their respective brand, main-event was based on them since the introduction of the brand extension and well they both can't beat Goldberg one-on-one.

Tajiri. I don't understand this move. I mean, he's a cruiserweight. All of the little guys should be on SD!, or that new ECW thing if it happens. I remember when the Japanese Buzzsaw would battle the smaller heavyweights like Edge, Jericho, etc. Maybe this will work out for the better. It sure beats another Tajiri vs. Mysterio match. I hate everything about that guy. His WM costumes just creep me out.

Spike Dudley. I suppose this move was to benefit the Cruiserweight Division. I don't understand why JR always talks about someone being "pound for pound the toughest guy in the WWE" where he usually just needs to say "this guy sucks."

Edge. Seems more like he was destined to be on Monday Night Raw. It seems to be that the whole point of this draft was to find a way to get him on Raw. I marked out when his music hit. I'd like to see him in the title picture, and now that HHH is "on" SD! is that possible?

Teddy Long. What does he have to do on SD!? Farooq has been fired. Shelton is on Raw. Henry is injured and on Raw. Jazz is on Raw. Rodney Mack's eye sight came back and he obviously committed suicide after seeing what Jazz actually looks like. I guess he could manage Shaniqua. B-le dat!

Paul Heyman. He "quit" and so a new GM is needed. Everyone assumes Stephanie and although I'd love to see her, I'm thinking maybe Shane.

RVD. Both him and Booker T seemed like they would be better suited on SD! When they lost the Tag Titles I figured one of them would be drafted. Who knows with HHH on the same show?

Rhyno. Fresh rivalries were needed. So his first match was against Benoit, who had about 100 matches with him back on SD! Even then I was happy to see the man-beast face someone who wasn't Hardcore Holly or John Cena.

Anyway it seems that trades are in affect until 9PM Tuesday night... or during the Smackdown tapings. Maybe they will add more to the lottery by having more than 11 people switch shows. It's funny, but I was actually cheering on Trips. When Evolution came out I was getting excited. I booed Eddie when was on the top rope, and then marked out when Christian knocked him down. That is all for me and I didn't know it was Sean's birthday. Give me a break, I'm a newbie to the site. Is it just me or did the "hat trick" by Eddie Guerrero on Trips look kind of off with their size difference? I guess it was just me.

(03/31/04)

FDDBBTBH

I thought Raw was an excellent show this past Monday. A few things did bother me, but overall it was great. I suppose I should start with the main-event. What a main-event it was! Back on SD! the WGTT kinda bored me. Everyone talked about how good they were, but I just didn't see it. Their little skit about the APA put me to sleep. For some reason when Shelton was sticking up to Batista and then Trips, I was into his character. He wanted a piece of Hunter and so Austin pushed for the match. I did not expect ol' Benjamin to win the match. Good stuff in this match. I personally liked the mocking touches that Shelton copied to Trips. The finish was great, but I feel the rollup is used a little too much. In the back when Benoit was hyping Shelton up, I actually believed what he said. I took it as legit and not some cameraman's or Spike Dudley's advice.

Foley's interaction with Evolution was good too. I especially loved how Flair was calling all the shots for Orton. No-holds barred? IC Title on the line? No Evolution? I still see Randy coming out on top. I just can't see him losing the title to Foley, who is not an active wrestler. Trish was another situation. I just cannot see her as heel material. She's back to her TnA persona. She hasn't wrestled yet and has been resulted to nothing more than a hot manager. There's nothing wrong with that, but Trish is special. She has the wrestling ability, along with the looks. Yes you do need both to be accepted in my book Jazz. She is not an actress either. She keeps changing. One week she's whipping Spike's ass... the next she's afraid of him... and finally she cries to Christian? Their chemistry just doesn't match that of Jericho and Trish. I don't really care for her mic work. Of course Jericho, and the Highlight Reel returns, saved the segment with his mic abilities. It was hilarious how he brought the slut chants to full-effect. It was also nice to see the return of a classic line, "filthy dirty disgusting brutal bottom-feeding trashbag hoe!" Although that just proves that Trish is nothing more than a Stephanie wannabe.

I thought the World Tag Title Match was good as well. Not as good as the Shelton Trips match, but still good. I really marked out when they won the gold, but of course I didn't pay attention to the Johnny Nitro. You knew there had to be a reason for his presence. Whenever I see him all I can think is: WHO ARE YOU?!? I have a problem with the finish. Why is it that sometimes they reverse decisions, and yet sometimes they refuse to reverse them because you can't call what you can't see? Also what is the deal with the closed fists? I just don't understand the logic in a DQ. You're supposed to use an open fist? That's stupid and it wouldn't even affect anyone. I know things aren't supposed to hurt like that, but it just makes it seem stupid. Maybe it's just me.

Tajiri's character bothers me as well. On SD! he was a badass heel, and now he's back to his goofy self that he was when he teamed with Guerrero. I don't mind it, but it just seems out of place. When they showed Cade wearing blue trunks with La Resistance, I assumed they recruited him. It almost seemed mean in a way. "Hey Tajiri, what's up?" BANG! Before Bisch talked to Tajiri he made a match for Backlash with Edge vs. Kane and so I was hoping he wouldn't make Tajiri face off with Kane. As soon as he did, I whined for lack of creativity. I was surprised by the win, even via countout. But these "fluke" wins don't mean much. I mean, Hardcore Holly has pinned Angle and he pinned Jericho once at a House Show I went to... and well he's not exactly main-eventing WrestleMania.

Rhyno defeating Lance Storm in 6.5 seconds is not something I want to see. When Lance ditched the crazy cool gimmick, I thought it meant something decent. No he's still going nowehere. I don't think you'll have a match at WM21 either Lance. Also I think Nidia needs a little work. Was that basically her first match? I don't think the thing against Noble at NWO counted. If I'm wrong about her match count, my mistake. Smackdown last week, was I don't know. I wasn't total feeling the Booker heel character. I'm sure in a few more weeks he'll warm up to me. He's right though, SD! is the minor leagues. Look who's on it... Rey Mysterio, the real CLB. This whole Bradshaw push makes me ill. I will not accept this guy as the heel of SD! He will be nothing more to me than some mid-carder. And they call Lance Storm boring?!? It will take a lot of time for that to happen I believe, and maybe the writers will come to their senses. Booker T seems golden, but that probably won't happen if the Undertaker keeps killing him. I've also noticed that most writers add a period after the T, so I guess I'm dumb. And if the main-event is Bradshaw vs. Guerrero for the title at Judgment Day, I just don't know. And you wonder why SD! PPVs are garbage. Keep these two apart. Maybe Thursday will be something different. Yeah, how about putting Undertaker on the show... and without the bandana. I guess the night surrounded Booker and Guerrero, so there was no need.

(04/07/04)

Random Thoughts

It's time once again for another installment of The One Man Conchairto. And if you actually managed to scroll all the way down here, I thank you. I wanted to see Walking Tall, but I have heard nothing but bad reviews via 411Mania and various other sites. JR and the King said I should see it. I don't know who to believe. The only bad thing about wrestling is it never ends. You go through a month worth of build-up and then you have the PPV. Of course that doesn't end because you have one a month later. It also doesn't help that before they even finish the event, they're already advertising the next month's. Now let's dive right into things and I'll talk about stuff that has been bothering me in the WWE, you know such as why in all that is holy does Rey Mysterio even have a job.

Why did they decide to change Benoit's hometown from Edmonton Alberta, into "now residing in Atlanta, Georgia"? I thought it was a way to throw us off at WM since they announced Backlash being in Edmonton. According to Lance Storm, he said that Benoit moved to Georgia when he was first starting in WCW. Why change it now? My only guess is because of Canadian Pride. I mean, they love everyone who is Canadian... no matter what. Perhaps the Edmonton crowd will see this as Benoit turning his back on his country and perhaps he will receive some boos because of his entrance? And perhaps there's a chance (doubtful) that Michaels will not be booed to death, and possibly even cheered? And maybe, just maybe this crowd will finally be over the Screwjob? I wish they would, because it's certainly not HBK's or Hebner's fault that Bret screwed Bret. I first started watching wrestling around a year after the incident, so I've never seen any of Bret's work. And with the new DVD coming out soon, I'm looking forward to it. The only thing I've seen (other than a few match finishes against Owen, Yokozuna, Austin and HBK) was Hart trying to put Benoit in the Sharpshooter on the intro to Malcolm in the Middle. The Screwjob might have been a good thing. I could be wrong, but wasn't Vince a face announcer? So the screwjob is what turned him into a heel? Without that, the Rock wouldn't be what he is today. Then again, he probably wouldn't be doing movies and might actually still be with the WWE.

Prior to 2004 there were only a few reasons to watch SD!, and none of them included Rey Mysterio. You had Cena (mostly for his raps), Benoit, Angle and more recently Guerrero. Benoit is on Raw and Angle is not wrestling. Now it hardly seems worth it to sit through two hours for the chance of seeing a Cena rap and a frog splash. Now we have the "new" Undertaker, but he never ever shows up. I read the spoilers this past Thursday and I was angry that the Taker segment with Bradshaw was actually one of those "off air Austin moments." Who knows why I watch SD!, but I was bored. You talk about worthless shows. The matches were short and lame, with the exception of Booker vs. Holly... still lame, but never-ending. The last segment was decent until the end. Bradshaw's speech put me sleep for the second week in a row. If they did give him the title for some reason, I could honestly say I'd never watch SD! again. That whole hat thing was useless. Sure spitting and tossing beer in the hat could be bad, but what next? The segment could have been a lot better if Bradshaw went to fight Guerrero and then Eddie beat him down and forced the hat on him.

God I hate Bradshaw, and more so than Mysterio. How can anyone say Goldberg sucks on the mic and has a limited supply of moves? Bradshaw has what, two moves? You have the Clothesline from Hell... which every wrestler does, and you have the fallaway slam, err Last Call... which will probably be renamed to some Economic term. Oh no, Bradshaw just used the Aggregate Demand on Guerrero. I know that sounds stupid, but so is this push. Matt Hardy would be great here. Hell Lance Storm... fucking Molly does a better job as a heel than this. And now RVD is being even more underused than he was on Raw. I don't know what it is, a step down for RVD or a step up for Haas. Haas needs a gimmick and Van Dam needs to be the cocky heel he was during ECW.

I guess Benoit isn't the only one who wanted out of Canada. Jericho left his Winnipeg followers and now resides in New York. Also Gail Kim (who was from Toronto?) now lives in Korea. That's quite a drive home each break to visit family, eh? If Lance Storm was actually capable of being on Raw, he'd probably live in Germany or something. I'm still having trouble adjusting to the new La Resistance, Grenier and Conway. Perhaps Rob should start wearing pants, because I am a little sick of seeing his atomic wedgies every week. At least Trish is remaining constant. I don't know what it is, but heel slut Trish is so hot. Whenever she gets that look after kissing Christian... WOW! I swear it's the same face Jenna Jameson gets after she receives a protein shake.

Much like Matt Hardy and Rhyno, Molly is slowly fading away until she finally disappears. I don't mind her being bald, but the wig has got to go. Oh but wait, on Raw we didn't even see most of the Women's Battle Royal. Damn it, this is not the Cruiserweights... these are real wrestlers. Gail Kim returned and I was happy about that, even if she returned heavier than when she left. In any event she's hot, but cannot compete with the pectorially superior Trish Stratus and Nidia. The Great American Award will be given away on Tuesday, well Thursday. I'm sure the new heel Bradshaw who doesn't seem to get as much heat as you would think will win it. Normally when you have an online poll via wwe.com they tell you the results after you vote. That's okay because I really didn't expect them to actually listen to the fans. Yes I could really see Bradshaw winning the vote over John Cena. Next we'll see Rey Mysterio actually winning a match without cheating. I hope Vince treats us to a good PPV in May. I can't wait to pay $34.95 to watch Bradshaw vs. Guerrero for the WWE Title...

Two superstars were released from the WWE as we all know. I visit a Molly Forum regularly and they informed me that Shaniqua and Terri had been released. According to wwe.com, the two released were O'Haire and Terri. I assumed they said the beast because she was removed from the SD! site. Isn't she in OVW? Let's hope she stays. I'm a little sad about O'haire in a way, but not really. His promos were awesome and he seemed to have the look, but after his win over Rikishi one year ago (Backlash 2003) he just died. I'm a little annoyed how everytime someone is released, everyone assumes that they'll become a big star in TNA. Not that I know much about the Jarrets' show. I know Jeff is the champ, the likes of D'lo/Road Dogg/Raven/Sting are there, and AJ Styles only exists because The Coach allows it. Speaking of which, get rid of Johnny Nitro. We only need one lackey and Coach plays it a lot better. I'm gonna miss Terri because I liked her interview skills. I guess I can always look back to my WM tape and watch the Goldberg/Lesnar build up.

I learned a valuable lesson this weekend. Never ever go into the chatroom at wwe.com. That is, unless you're a female between the ages of 19-24 that wants to cyber. I'm happy that Booker has his old theme music back. However, his entrance doesn't fit. When he first came to the WWE he was a heel and did the pyro and spinarooni. Now he just walks out and it's a little boring. I guess it is to show that he really doesn't wanna be here. And lastly, everyone needs to calm down about Shelton Benjamin. He's good, but he isn't that good. Contrary to popular belief, he is not going to be added to the Backlash main-event. All about the Benjamins... gimme a break. JR, look what you've done. I take it the Backlash card has pretty much taken shape. They might add a few filler matches in next week. Please don't tell me it's going to be Tajiri vs. The Coach. At least Victoria should retain against Lita.

(04/14/04)

Backlash Notes

The One Man Conchairto returns with thoughts and opinions on this Sunday's PPV. I was browsing some news sites and I remember a few weeks ago that the Rock was happy with his tag match at WM, but really wanted a fantasy match along the lines of his against Hogan at X-8. I'm glad he didn't and I would like to see a few fantasy matches of my own, but not of anyone in the WWE. Personally, I'd love to see a fight between the Arby's Ovenmit and that Hamburger Helper glove. And seeing the Microsoft Paperclip take on the Easy CD Creator CD guy would be nothing but a classic. I would also like to be in a battle to the death with the person who introduced Spyware. I used to think my problems came from Kazaa Lite or my more recent choice WinMx. Now I believe it has been a certain wrestling site, because even my popup blocker can't eliminate those. It doesn't matter because 411 gives me the same stuff.

In my opinion WrestleMania XX was the greatest PPV of all time. If you disagree with me, then you're wrong. I knew that Backlash wouldn't be able to compete, but the announced matches just aren't up to par. No tag title match, or even a tag match? The Women's Title has Lita involved? 7 matches seems too short. No use bitching about the card because it's 10X better than anything Smackdown could fork up. As far as I'm concerned, there is no SD! In fact, in my mind the WWE is back to early 1999 when there was no SD! It's kinda weird because the brand extension makes Raw seem so far away come Tuesday, and yet there was a time when we only saw Raw.

I guess I'll talk about the matches now. I sure hope Dr. Gonzo sends in his column before Sunday, that way we get the Psychic PS2 Predictions, which is second only to the stuff Sean writes. Speaking of which, I let my friend borrow my game and when he returned it he asked if I wanted his created people. I didn't really care and since he's an anime geek, all he has are fantasy and D&D type people. I only have one created, and that was "Richard", the version of myself that I add in every game. He chose to add his file over mine. Richard was deleted and I earned all the legends. The only legend I had was Old School Undertaker, but I was so pissed. I remade him and the only difference is my stats are lower.

Tajiri vs. Coach. I knew the second after I said that in my other column it was golden. I'm glad to see Tajiri competeting, but non-wrestlers (with the exception of Shane O' Mac!) are usually not very interesting. Although I cannot really say anything since I rarely hate a match that's on Raw. I predict Coach to find a way to win this one. He has a pretty good record as far as matches go. He beat the King and pinned JR in that famous announcers match. I never saw it, but I liked the rematch on Raw. And believe it or not, I did not know Al Snow was the ninja. Seriously. Most of these matches seem to be short ones, so I'm wondering if the current card can cover a full PPV. If three factors are seen in the match (mist, death kick, springboard elbow) I suppose it'll be worth it.

Shelton Benjamin vs. Ric Flair. When he was going against Trips, it seemed like a burial. Shelton has two wins over Trips, was involved in the main-event this past week and will go against Flair. I wonder what they're going to do for Edge's push? I was excited to see this match announced and maybe Shelton will develop his finisher at Backlash. He obviously can no longer use the superkick, that belongs to HBK. Funny story. I was playing SD! with my friend and I was Flair as ref. I taunted and he did that falling thing. That was the first time I ever saw it, and now he's doing it often on Raw. I don't get it, but the crowd sure eats it up. Everyone loves the Nature Boy. I don't know who'll win. I can't decide, so I'll let the nickle choose. Heads for Shelton, the push continues! Now if he could only learn to land a pedigree.

Chris Jericho vs. Christian & Trish. I would've preferred the normal rematch, but any chance to see Trish is great. I'm pretty sure Jericho's winning this one. I also want him to, as I started to like the face Y2J come WM. The beat down on Raw and the 2 vs. 1 just said he would win. Hopefully this will end this storyline that's been going on since what, November? And I hope that Jericho gets back on track and back into the title picture. I doubt it though.

Lita vs. Victoria for the Women's Championship. I would've preferred Trish as the contender, and that would've made the rematch between Jericho and Christian like I had wanted it. And well Trish is in my opinion, one of the top three women's wrestlers on Raw. That goes for talent and looks, with Victoria and Molly in there too. I've tried to defend Lita because I'm a former fan, but seeing her in the ring is something scary. Her presence just creeps me out. Sure she's hot, especially when you can see her ass in those shorts... but she just doesn't do it for me. Lita seems to have more of a rivalry with Trish than Victoria. I know the champ has been through surgery, but I can't remember the last time she was on TV. WM? Speaking of lack of TV, where is Hardy? I hate when they demote people like that. His only apperance since WM, has been that match against Jericho? I need my Matt Facts! Victoria is hot and she can wrestle, I hope she wins. I hope she returns to Raw. Gail is fine to win the title in the future, but not Lita.

Edge vs. Kane. Kane has once again proven that he suffers from that burial curse. When he removed the mask, he seemed to be in line for a huge push. He battled Shane, buried his brother and then went on for the World Heavyweight Championship. After his loss, he went downhill from there. His one chance was to defeat his brother, but everyone knew that wasn't happening. If Edge is being pushed, then I don't see Kane winning. I still don't know if this match can be very good with Edge's broken hand. Yeah he can execute a spear, but will this fight be anything to watch?

Mick Foley vs. Randy Orton for the Intercontinental Championship: Hardcore Rules. A dream would be that this match could resemble the Trips/Jack match from the Royal Rumble. Seeing tacks in Foley's face after a pedigree was something of beauty. I'd love for Foley to win and leave on a positive note. Put the IC Title up for grabs in a tournament of some sort. I still see Orton winning this one. Maybe this time Socko will do something. And I know it's inevitable, but there'd better be a damn chairshot. Not one chair was used at WM.

Chris Benoit vs. HBK vs. HHH for the World Heavyweight Championship. My only dream would be that this will turn into Angle/Brock from last year. Angle vs. Brock was changed with the addition of Big Show in order to stall the rematch. I could only hope that at Bad Blood (or Great American Bash... I thought they said it was renamed in June) it could be HBK vs. Benoit for the title, and for the first time since it debuted: the WHC is defended on a PPV without Trips. But I'm sure by then Trips' movie will be finished and he will be ready to take the title back. I'm pulling for Benoit, and I wonder if they'll still announce him as "residing in Atlanta?"

(04/21/04)

Hardcore Push

If you're ready for another edition of the One Man Conchairto, gimme a Hell Yeah! Okay I guess I'm the only one who is sad to see Austin gone. There has been a lot of complaining about this because everyone has been upset that he has held the real wrestlers back. I'm sorry, but seeing a bunch of mid-carders receive stunners is more entertaining to me than seeing Garrison get a push. Maybe it's just me. I almost couldn't do a column this week. See on Monday morning I was printing out something for school and my internet went out. Normally I ignore it and it comes back later. My Dad saw it and went crazy before calling the cable guy. I was told to watch for him since he'd be here on Tuesday from 1-4, so of course he showed up at like 3:45. I don't know what the hell he was doing, but he didn't leave until almost 8. Of course Windows had to be reinstalled and that meant my mp3 files were gone. In the process of downloading them again I watched the Backlash main-event, which was the only file that finishes at this point. I gotta watch the IC Title match soon. I also start a new job tomorrow, which will be my 2nd. I get the privledge of bagging people's groceries for tips. But since it's my training day, I don't get paid for the day. It could be worse, Bradshaw could be the WWE Champion.

I have new-found respect for Randy Orton. He has bored me a little in terms of Kazaa matches. It may have been the files. Watching them online and watching them live is a whole different experience. WMXX and Raw have been a lot more exciting than blurry files online. I just can't seem to finish his matches against HBK and RVD without falling asleep. The guy fell on thumbtacks... now that takes balls. That's a big reason I believe that the Hell in a Cell matches following Foley's retirement have sucked. What made the glorified cage match good? Foley's bumbs of course. The first one (I never saw the match) had a few good things I assume. I remember seeing Shawn fall off the side of the cell onto a table. Foley's two against Taker and HHH were really cool. Of course after that you can't really make it special if people aren't willing to do anything. Rikishi's fall into a hay truck didn't cut it as far as I'm concerned. The whole match was garbage. But hey seeing Vince try and take the cell down was something special I guess.

Brock vs. Taker couldn't have been good if they never left the cage. The whole point in the cell over a normal cage match is to do stuff with the structure outside of it. The only way to strike interest in the HHH/Nash match was to add Foley. The only use of the cell was when Foley was knocked into the cage. It was more of a street fight than anything. My hats off to both Foley and Orton, mostly Mick. Foley is great because he's famous for losing these big matches. If Orton can keep this up, he should go a long way. I wonder who is actually going to beat him for the title. I sure hope it takes more than a Stinger Splash to take it from him after his war with Foley. Here's a thing I don't get. Hardys are the masters of the ladders and Taker is the master of the Hell in a Cell and Buried Alive matches. How can that be if they never win them? I'd say HHH is more of a master of the HIAC. The only one he lost was that awful 6-pack Armageddon match, and he wasn't even pinned. Edge & Christian are the masters of the ladder matches.

Edge is back! I'm glad he's back... err starting to wrestle on Raw. Is it just me or did he borrow boots from Shawn Michaels' locker room? I like the guy, but he sure isn't getting the reaction he once had on SD! Maybe it's the music. Edge needs to pose for a few toothpaste commercials to pay royalties to Rob Zombie. The old You Think You Know Me just isn't cutting it. I do not want to see him feud with Orton for the title. I want him in the main-event picture. But if he's not ready and will take the title from Randy, then I'm all for it. Of course with the tag title win with Benoit, who knows?

Shelton Benjamin, where are you? He's had the biggest role on Raw, with the exception of Benoit. He goes to not being on SD! to beating HHH twice and Flair once on a PPV. Haas has to be shitting himself since he's over here kissing Rico. He had all this momentum and then he doesn't even show up on Raw? It seemed like he'd be going against Orton for the title, but I think the Canadians killed him on Sunday. He certainly wasn't over enough for them to take notice against Flair. I can't stomach Cade & Jindrak. Coach with Garrison? Long with Mark? Bring on Judgment Day! I'm so ready! I also have no idea where Molly's going. Her hair makes her kinda look like me. At least Victoria's back on TV. And that's something we can all be happy about.

(04/29/04)

Evolution is a Mystery

Welcome to another installment of the One Man Conchairto. This week I believe I will do something a little different. It seems to me that lately I've been sending in columns that are more Raw Reports than anything. Instead I have an actual topic. Before I start I'd like to thank anyone who scrolls down here to read my column. Sean says you do, so I have to believe him. I mean, he wouldn't lie would to me would he?

Lately I've been thinking about how I've changed as a fan. I remember when I first started watching the WWE religiously. I did take a liking to it when I was 5, but I don't think that's the same. Just taking the action figures for the wrestlers back in 1990 when I was in Kindergarden till now is creepy. The figures I had when I was younger were a lot different. They were bigger, made of rubber and were permanently stuck in one pose. I miss the times of sitting in my room and having wrestling matches, where a naked Barbie resided as the "championship" belt.

I've been thinking, has it been for the better to change into a smart fan? Let's go back several years to when I first started to get into the WWE. Go back 5-6 years to SummerSlam 98, or better yet Survivor Series. Things were different then. Austin was everyone's hero, Rock became the champ, Sable was hot and Rey Mysterio's name wasn't even known to me. I used to tune in to Raw on USA each week without a SD!, much like today. It was a crazy time where I'd get all excited about storylines. In fact, I remember my possible first "marking out" moment. It was before the Royal Rumble where Austin was #1. I don't remember what, but I was shouted "as number 2!"

Well from the time of Survivor Series 98 - WrestleMania X8, watching the WWE/PPVs was a family thing. We all watched them together. After a while my Dad started to belittle my WWE by predicting storylines. Soon after I started to see into the future and notice all the obvious storylines as well. Things started to get boring, where the show was almost predictable. Rasslin' started to get more popular and I heard kids talking about the show. Since I was so smart I put them in their places.

The suspense and surprise was gone. No longer did I not see things coming. WWE started to get boring and I had lost interest. I didn't care for it much longer because it was so predictable. When my Dad decided that X8 was the last PPV he would order, I kinda stopped watching it for a while. Sometimes I'd tune into wwe.com for PPV results, but that was about it. Lesnar's reign began and that really didn't interest me. It wasn't until Survivor Series 2002 with the Elimination Chamber, that I started to care again.

I began going on message boards and chat rooms to talk to others about Raw. I felt smart and then I became a troll. I started going into those forums just to piss people off. Man oh man did they hate when I typed "Bret Heart" and other stuff. I don't rememeber exactly what month, but I came across The Wrestling Fan around August or September. I laughed a little and came back to read the rants. November came around and I started to become obsessed with Molly. I loved her as the blonde Holly, but her brunette look didn't do it to me until she started to feud with Lita. January rolled around and I made a site about her, which has been closed down due to lack of interest.

February came by and TWF needed a columnist. I applied and sent in a sample. After that I check the site and see the latest columnist already up. I was pissed! I got an e-mail from Sean stating that I was chosen as well. That either meant that my sample piece was really good or there were only two entries and he didn't want me to feel bad. So I was welcomed aboard the site. That's right, The One Man Conchairto has been up for two whole months.

Is it bad that I'm no longer surprised by storylines or that upsets aren't that big of a deal to me? Maybe, but I always felt so stupid at first. Back when HHH first won the title and defended it against Rock on the first true addition of SD!, I thought he had a chance to win. Then again, I do feel superior to casual fans. But in a way it is kind of bad that I use excuses for match results: he just won the title... he won't job to that guy... this guy couldn't draw... etc. Whatever happened to the fan that
believed in the sport?

That's all for me. Next week I believe I will talk about another topic that remains very close to me, that I'm almost ashamed had to be given up due to physical reasons. I think JR and King need replacements. Since when is everything a modified version? Last time I checked, a backdrop is just that. It's not a modified suplex. Everyone who has played any Smackdown game knows that. Also why is it when Kane uses an irish whip into the corner, it's considered unorthadox? I know more about moves from playing wrestling games than these guys. That goes for Coach too... it's called the Jackhammer, not Jackhammer Slam. That's almost as stupid as the kid who turned down a kiss from Victoria. Anyways this column is done, much like Rob Conway's career will be once he jobs to Eugene a week from Monday.

(05/05/04)

Don't Try This At Home

It's time once again for everyone to climb aboard the One Man Conchairto. I don't know what it is, but something about that title interests me. I promised a special column from last week, for those lucky enough to have scrolled down to read it. Before I get down to business I thought I'd get something off my chest. Do not listen to Sean. Gail Kim is a goddess in the squared circle. You can't tell me that her submission finisher isn't sick looking. Gail is the best women's wrestler to come by in a very long time.

Okay now that I've wasted about a minute accomplishing nothing I thought I'd get to my topic. There's a little topic that used to be big in the news a couple of years ago, but now it's kind of died down. The topic I am referring to is backyard wrestling. You remember those tapes? I ordered them and they were okay. I assume it has the same atmosphere as those Girls Gone Wild tapes... the commercials are the best parts. And seriously, what's so great about seeing a girl flash herself? Well it's great, but the commercials make it sound so extreme and nothing you could ever see. Well maybe for some of us. My friends and I did pertake in the art of backyard wrestling and basically this column will just be a few stories about those great matches.

Prior to viewing the tapes we had these crappy looking matches in the yard (frontyard at that) in the grass. I say crappy not because we didn't know what we were doing, but because most people did not want to take the falls on the ground. Why? Because it hurt sometimes. It was kind of stupid because most of the spots were all the same. Everytime I'd go for the powerbomb on my friend, he'd backdrop me to the ground. One of the worst experiences was when I faced my friend Adam. He either had me in a camel clutch or a crippler crossface, and I wanted to tap out. Except for the fact that I couldn't. My arms weren't restrained or anything, but the pain was so bad that I couldn't physically do it. The Crossface is sold to injure your arm, but I always thought it was a neck submission.

After viewing the tapes I finally found a safer and less crappy way to have wrestling matches: use a trampoline, because you know they don't exactly sell rings at Wal-Mart or anything. Of course we didn't have one, but the new neighbor did. First we attempted to ask them to use it, even pay them... but nothing. Instead we went ahead and used it when they weren't home. We were caught a few times. Some neighbors asked us if we had permission and we lied. The owners kicked us off a few times, but we kept coming back. The kid that lived there was about seven and we befriended him to use his trampoline, but nothing interesting happened with him. You know except for when this little black kid punched him and he whined to his Mom about "brown boy"...

Most of the matches involved three of us: me, this kid named Ryan and the kid I watched WMXX with. The wrestling that went on was all flashy. Basically we just had fun with fighting and doing big moves to each other. Some really weird stuff happened too. I powerbombed the kid and somehow he broke his wrist. To this day I don't understand how. He claims he put his hands behind his neck to break the fall. Maybe it's just me. It's not like I was powerbombing a little baby on a couch like that one kid did. The matches were either triple threat encounters or one of us played as ref. One incident I will never forget was the unprovoked spear. We weren't wrestling but just jumping and I wasn't facing broken arm boy and when I turned around in mid-jump, he gored the shit out of me.

An actual wrestling ring does have a little bounce to it yeah, but too much like a trampoline can be a bad thing. I remember chokeslamming powerbomb boy and as I slammed him to the ground, he bounced back up and knocked me off. Meanwhile, the other guy rolled him up and pinned him. The only thing that pissed me off really about the whole situation was that I was the only one willing to sell and take the big moves. Whenever I tried to pin the powerbomb kid, he would always roll into a ball. Well not literally, but that's how his body went whenever I tried.

After I moved from VA to FL we bought an actual trampoline, which was where most of the memorable matches took place... all involving me and powerbomb boy. I took some pretty sick sounding falls during these matches. One time I had him in the corner (except trampolines are round) and I was attempting to put him in the sharpshooter. He was having none of that and I attempted to step over and turn him. Of course I was expecting him to continue fighting me, but he didn't. Instead I fell over off the trampoline and onto the grass on my back. Surprisingly it did not hurt like I had assumed.

Another moment involved a ladder. For the most part we used the ladder as the one and only turnbuckle. Usually it was used for a suplerplex or a botched elbow drop, but one time I wanted to try something a little different. I wanted to try a splash, even though he was supposed to move out of the way. This also explains a good purpose in those ring ropes. I was standing on top of the ladder and I dove off. However, what happened was I simply pushed the ladder back with my feet during my jump. This meant I had no momentum and I didn't go forward, so I landed on the blue covering via stomach. There's a holy shit moment for ya. It definitley knocked the wind out of me.

One of the final matches took place using many boxes. I went to the shed during a match after pedigreeing him on the trampoline. For the record he could land a pedigree about as well as Kane. I brought out a few of those big computer boxes filled with styrofoam for the use of tables if you will. I set them up, but he countered my attack and gave me a Rockbottom through one of them. I still kicked out and then gave him a suplex onto one. I'll never forget his little scream as his back landed on one of the corners. It was almost like the scream he used when a suplex caused his foot to land on those every-so soft springs on the outside.

That about does it for memorable stories. There's a few more things, like how the baby always cried after the matches. But nothing that needs to be brought up. Well except for when I tried to lift him up for the tombstone and I wasn't strong enough and we both fell onto the grass. Yeah those were some good times. And for the record, the Side-effect was my trademark move before there was even a Version 1. Also every chokeslam that occurred after the famous "bounce and kick me off" incident, was done so where I went down with them ala Big Show. That's it for this week. I would like to say that Raw was superb and it keeps getting better. I for one cannot wait for next week's PPV-ish Raw. I hear SD! is having an actual PPV soon. Aren't they? And just out of curiosity, was I the only one fooled by the promised Trish Beaver picture?

(05/12/04)

Don't Get It

I haven't had much wrestling on my mind this week. I don't really have a topic either. I thought it was time once again to just give my two cents on various news topics that I could make fun of. However, now I'm pretty much afraid to go on any news sites because everytime I do... my computer is raped with spyware. It's okay though, because I can always do that at school. Of course my memory only lasts so long as I do the column at home. Instead I'm going to just talk about stuff that is bothering me in the WWE, so enjoy.

Still Undefeated?

It seemed Shelton was owning Trips until HBK went for the kill. Of course the ref just stood there and watched instead of calling for the DQ. Is Shelton 2-1 against the Game, or what? If he never called for the bell, then the match is still going on. He should have been counted out by now. Another fluke win for Benjamin? Can someone please tell me what happened to his old rockish music from his Raw debut? The rap songs are for SD! wrestlers only. Nobody watches the show, so you don't have to worry about bleeding ears.

Divas DVD?

It strikes me as odd, but what is the big deal behind the semi-annual bikini mag? They are only wearing swim suits, you know the stuff we can see at the beach. And you know the stuff they normally wear to the ring. I could understand if they were all naked... well except for Jazz. And I'm sure that chapter of the DVD is ALWAYS skipped. It is nice to see Stacy though, but only when the camera doesn't zoom out. Isn't this Spike TV, first network for men?

Gail Is The Best

Gail Kim is hot. Gail Kim is a goddess in that ring. She's defeated Victoria twice by now, so she should be champion. Speaking of which, it seems that title sees less time than the US Title. She's also great on the mic. Oh come on, admit it. She was second in the running for Divas magazine cover on that poll. Although Torrie won in a fishy manner. I mean, the new Raw mag hit the shelves a few days after the poll ended and they had a picture of Torrie in there. But I'm sure it takes longer than that to produce the magazine. I smell the smelly smell of something that smells smelly.

Lita and Kane?

Okay hold on a damn minute, I was waiting for my Matt Facts... nothing. No computer screen, no nothing. Kane has a really creepy face now that I think of it. I wonder what the question he wants answered is, as I think I'm probably the only one who cares. And to think I was hoping Jeff would return to save this storyline.

No Benoit = Better Than SD!

I was a little upset to not see Benoit, but the video was pretty cool. At least when he's not on the show as World Champ, they still acknowledge him unlike when it happened to Trips. So it seems my prediction of a Fatal Four was wrong, but in fact a battle royale for the number one contender. Jericho won't win. I do believe HBK was the last face to face off with Benoit for the title. It won't be Edge as much as I want it to be. I wouldn't mind Orton going for it, but he has the IC Title. It seems the rumored HIAC of HBK/HHH is likely to happen. But if that's the case, what of the Kane storyline? How does he go from molesting Lita to facing Benoit? And the HIAC match kind of overshadows Benoit as champ. I'm still waiting for that rub... for Benoit of course.

One Crappy Day

So far we have several matches for Bad Blood, which is at least a month away. First we have whatever opponent for Benoit, HBK/HHH, probably some kind of Women's Title match where my love Gail should win and then of course an IC Title match. That's half the card finished without even being on the road to the PPV. Meanwhile on SD! we have three matches signed for the PPV, that happens to be this sunday... all of which look to be crap. I have a feeling that Raw this past week will be better then Judgment Day... and it was free. Vinne Mac is going to be shitting himself when he realizes that JD won't have the low buyrate that Backlash pulled in. You know the show's bad when people don't even want to do recaps anymore.

Go Away!

Okay for the love of God, someone please tell me that Garrison Cade will only be on Heat. He's more boring than Bradshaw, and almost makes Rey Mysterio look like a credible wrestler. And why doesn't Coach want to beat his ass? Remember it was Cade along with La Rez that had Tajiri spray the mist. I'd much rather see Coach in action than Mr. I stole something from freaking Bradshaw ($1000 boots). Another thing, why does the IWC have memorial services when a jobber decides his time is up? Really, what did Lance Storm ever do? And Tommy Dreamer... the last time I saw that guy was when Kane killed him back when he was still considered a monster. And if he is chosen to face Benoit, his character will be history. Sean has made several points that belittle the Kane/Taker monster gimmicks. Monsters don't jog... they don't use submission holds... and they especially shouldn't tap out. But he will and we'll watch. That's because some folks say that Chris Benoit is a terrific athlete.

(05/26/04)

Headstrong

I missed last week due to the fact that I was too lazy. Sean e-mailed me and he seemed a little mad. So as punishment I locked myself in a room with nothing on the TV but Bradshaw matches and Bradshaw Fox News shit. Despite that the JBL character is getting somewhat better and that there isn't anyone (other than Booker) that can challenge Eddie for the title... I refuse to take anyone as a serious threat to the title if they've laid down to Scotty's Worm.

Let's talk about the Kliq and Bad Blood. Note to self: don't click on any links that say "likely ___ matches". I think it was during the Judgment Day <i>build</i> that I read Bad Blood will have Kane/Benoit and Kliq in a Cell. Although during the final four of the battle royale with the only heels being HHH/Kane, you knew HBK would interfere... but it still would've been better had I not known the outcome. Also this past Monday on Raw, the match announcement would've been a lot better had I not been saying HIAC... and not in a marking out way. I'm likely to watch Bad Blood on June 13. The weekend of Judgment Day I was arguing with my Mom and I suppose she saw a commercial on those PPV Previews channels and mentioned something along the lines of, if you're nice to me I might order you Judgment Day. I didn't want to see it, so I said nothing of it. But I'm all for ordering a Raw PPV.

Anyways let's talk about the scheduled card and how Benoit is being shafted again. So it's Kane vs. Benoit for the World Heavyweight Championship. How can that be? What has Kane been doing the last couple of weeks? He's been stalking Lita and he's still doing it. Okay maybe an actual feud and not squash between him and Matt Hardy would be better. Yeah, like they'd actually give V1 airtime. He'd better because I want my Matt Facts on something I'll watch... not Heat. On a plus side with Cade already being in a match this week, we won't have the "privledge" of seeing him face a random jobber in a three minute match on Sunday!

The World Title of the brand should ALWAYS be the main-event, but it won't be. I don't think anyone realizes how big of a situation this match actually is. Rather then telling you what I mean, I'll explain it pointlessly like a match teacher. You know instead of giving you the actual formula... I'll explain how the Greek mythology umm guys came up with it. HHH is given the title in September. He beats RVD. He beats Kane. He loses it in the Elimination Chamber to HBK. Great possible feud between RVD/HBK likely... but it's HHH/HBK for the title. HHH wins it back and plays pity for Scott Steiner for two months. HHH beats Booker T. No defense at Backlash. Loses by DQ to Nash. For ending the horrible outing in 7 minutes, he gets powerbombed for his trouble. Beats him in HIAC to end it. Goldberg rolls around, but he pushed HHH down and hurt his wee wee. 2nd Chamber to stall Goldberg encounter. Goldy wins. Another rematch, Goldy wins. HHH is supposedly winning it back, but they throw Kane in it to not have another HHH/Goldy encounter. HHH against HBK, HHH wins. Benoit finally gets put over. Rematch at Backlash. Okay, it's the first time at a PPV since the title was created that HHH isn't in the match.

I have been expecting a one-on-one match between Benoit and a Kliq member to truly put him over. I assumed the Raw match would be it... but no, we need shit for the upcoming HHH/HBK match. I think La Resistance and The Superheroes haven't faced each other as much. Obviously it will be HHH/Benoit at SummerSlam, you know what WrestleMania was supposed to be... not that I'm complaining. He might win, and if so Benoit holds the 2nd longest WHC reign. 2nd only to HHH's 2nd reign of 9 months. Kane doesn't really have anything going into this match. His monster gimmick has been tarnished and changed into the true CLB. Edge, supposedly the weaker of the Tag Champs beat Kane with ease. How can we take him seriously as a threat? Also he looked weak coming off as a bitch to the Kliq. He's still stuck in the Lita storyline as well. Yet we're three weeks (count em!) three weeks from Bad Blood with NO INTERACTION between Kane and Benoit. Kane barley acknowledged the match on Raw, and I don't think anyone has told Benoit that he'll be fighting Kane yet.

There's no build for the "main-event" and yet other likely matches (although no sites have proven them to me yet) have tons of build compared to the title picture. Orton vs. Benjamin will probably happen. But I wouldn't get my hopes up for Shelton. He's an okay guy with crappy music at the moment. It just seems that when a heel champion jobs in a tag match, they'll end up winning their big match. Too bad. Although Shelton's growing on me, his people aren't good enough for a title shot. Yeah he has a big mouth... although I don't think Shelton ever says much. After his APA little skit, maybe that's a good thing. Now you've got Tomko vs. Jericho. Too bad you had to take a face turn Chris. You would've made a perfect candidate to face off with Benoit for the title. What's better then seeing two Canadians beat the shit out of each other? Tomko obviously.

Let's talk briefly about the Hell in a Cell match. There is one factor that made this match what it truly was and not a glorified cage match... Mick Foley. Even his involvement in last year's BLOOD BATH didn't help it. I know HBK was in the first HIAC and I think he fell off the side through a table, but this is a newer Shawn Michaels. Although if he's willing to moonsault himself to death, who knows? Although Shawn did win the match thanks to Kane, HHH has some status in the Cell too. He beat Foley, Jericho and Nash in the Cell. Also he was not pinned in the match of the Millenium, the Armageddon Hell in a Cell. They really need to stop adding that to the Smackdown! games. Maybe if it was elimination... well that's the Elimination Chamber, except you can't leave.

Although all their matches have been pretty good, I don't expect a fan pop here. You know unless the crowd is pro-HHH. I'm sure he'll need some momentum going into the title match with America's number one son and sweetheart to all the ladies, Benoit. You know unless they want the fans to leave happy and then just throw HHH into the title picture for the hell of it. You know that is, unless they just want to hold another Great American Award contest. I betcha didn't know my girlfriend Victoria could dance that good.

(05/02/04)
 
Have A Cigar... Not The Title

Ever since the draft lottery, the buzz has been on Shelton Benjamin. It's all about the Benjamins. But why damn it? Why? Can someone please tell me what is so great about the former member of the World's Greatest Tag Team? First you take a guy that had been in the tag division his whole career and then split him up to a different show for a single's career. Sure there have been sucesses (Edge, Christian, V1, Eddie...), but it is my opinion that most don't work out. Ask Billy Bitch Cakes how he's doing. But I suppose then you'd have to admit that you watch UPN. Okay I'll admit I watch the crap on Tuesday nights. But come on, that girl on Rock Me Baby is hot.

So old Benjamin and every other member of the Raw locker room who dawned matching shirts laughed when HHH was drafted to SD! and he spat water on my girl Molly. Evolution didn't take kindly to that and a match was made. HHH vs. Benjamin? Seemed like a squash match... or at the very least Evolution beat down. I saw the match, HHH beat his ass. Shelton got no offense, probably because he couldn't handle Trips' style. What happened? He got a few near falls before copying Trips' trash talk and then scored with a stinger splash and a rollup... with tights and feet on the ropes mind you. I can almost assure you that one offensive move cannot pin someone in SD:HCTP. Especially since doing your finisher more then once doesn't always pin someone...

Shelton was on top... he beat someone the likes of HBK can only dream of. Okay rematch time, but the same result occured, only with Evolution insurance. I don't even know why they were out there, Shelton sucks. He did have decent rock music back then, as opposed to his current Rey Mysterio garbage. Ah ha! Shelton Benjamin is the Rey Mysterio of Raw. Benjamin won by countout. Beat down next followed by a match with Flair at Backlash. He won with a clothesline off the top. Okay I can accept that, but where is his finisher?

Shelton was demoted to Heat as the booking team finally saw the light... or they had no place for him at the moment. Okay so next he started to get down Randy Orton's face. Shelton owned 1/2 of Evolution and he had his sights on the gold. Why does he think he deserves a shot? Orton defeated Mick Foley on back-to-back PPVs, who happens to be a guy who hasn't won a match in forever. Orton refused with good reason and they had a tag match together. Benjamin pinned him and the feud continued. I don't think Orton was the legal man, so he didn't bother kicking out.

So now this past week on Raw Shelton faced off with the champ, and if he won he earned a title shot in the future... Bad Blood. Batista came out too, and this provided proof that Orton was outmatched or something. It was a pretty good match, you know except for what seems to be Shelton's finisher... some kind of powerslam. How is that a finishing move? Last time I checked this is about as basic as an arm drag... and it's one of Victoria's normal moves. Whatever, the crowd popped...

Now everyone assumes we will have a new champ come Bad Blood. You know especially because Orton keeps bragging about being the longest reigning in years. I don't see him winning for the simple fact that Shelton is undefeated against the champion. Seeing as Shelton isn't a "legend" he probably won't be fed to Orton. He's not going to win damn it!

Moving onto a story of success. Gail Kim has a similar build to ol' Benjamin. She holds two victories over the Women's Champ... oddly enough both in a tag and singles match. The submission move she utilizes is great. She is going to win the title. You can take that to the bank. I need a woman to cheer for, and until Molly grows her hair back... Gail is my woman. Except I really do love Victoria and her entrance. Now if only Gail would roll up Vicky like Jazz did when the camera is facing us...

Contrary to what everyone on a certain forum thinks... Kane is not winning the World Title. His monster gimmick is done. Sure he's a heel and they run away and shit, but a monster does not run away from a man who is 100 pounds lighter. Since Bad Blood isn't in Canada, I expect a Crossface finish. The Sharpshooter just doesn't do it for me. To me I see the move as a regular old submission (i.e. figure four), that really doesn't mean to end a match.

And I'd just like to say that the Raw Rant from this week was really good, one of the best. I don't know if this was simply a test or not, but I for one hope they continue this way. You know, considering they're the same person.

(06/09/04)

ECW Impact!

The Lakers are stupid. Normally I don't watch sports, but recently I have been interested in the "WrestleManias" of other sports. I didn't watch the Stanley Cup this past week or whenever it was. I did watch the World Series and I was very happy that the Marlins won. I was sad to see the Panthers lose the Superbowl though. The Pistons had better win. I was born in Detroit and well haven't been back since I've been 2. We need some credibility other then the Red Wings damn it. We certainly can't look towards wrestling for that. Look at who's from Michigan. Rhyno (maybe during ECW) is from the mean streets of Detroit, you have Punisher man Kevin Nash and of course fucking Steiner.

To tell you the truth I was a little afraid that someone might steal my thunder... step on my toes... use this topic by now. I have been anticipating someone on TWF to make thier column following Friday's Impact! about the show, seeing as that was my plan. Since mine is updated on Wednesdays, I couldn't do it right away. This was a big moment for me as the whole TNA television deal has been a big topic in the IWC, you know other then everyone complaining that SD! sucks and well that's about it. But now I feel a little odd. After reading the latest weblog entry of our gracious leader, I feel obligated to somehow get a gimmick. Sure I have on-going topics that I usually bring up each week (Rey Mysterio sucking, Victoria and Gail being hot, etc.) but I don't really bring anything specialto the table. Since this is a wrestling column, I'll give myself a week to "think about it" and come up with one by my next update.

Now for a little confession of mine. See when I first became a regular on TWF, I noticed the icons for each of the writers. I always pictured that icon as the writer. But other then the Duck, I never realized that there's a chance the icon did not represent the actual writer. There are exceptions, such as I believe the "Bloodletting" avatar may actually be Freda and it's likely the naughty baby for "Just A Thought" is the child that Renee and I will be having one day, but there was someone who I truly thought was the icon. His name is Sean Carless. And I swear this and the compliment for the Raw Rant last week is not some ass kissing fest I'm doing in an attempt to get my column higher on the mountain...

When I first turned on the TNA I noticed the announcer Mike Tenay. My thoughts were "hey I know that guy!" Then I remembered when the site reached it's one-year anniversary the weblog had that picture of him screaming. Then it hit me. See the whole time I thought the icon behind the "Backleg Frontkick" was in fact, the Sean Carless. I felt so stupid. But come on, it was an honest mistake. Then again, who's to say that Mike Tenay isn't Sean?

The reason behind the ECW title is that the actual show reminded me a lot of the ECW of old. Do you remember when it had a television deal on the then TNN? Yes this was before they became the new TNN, and eventually Spike TV. I believe it was on for an hour on Friday nights, which seems to be a slightly better time slot then Friday at mid-afternoon. The music itself reminded me more of WCW though... announcers and crowd louder then the entrance theme, and they really need to turn it up. Since I was never familiar with ECW, most guys outside of the big names (Sandman...) were nobody to me. Same thing went with TNA.

I was praying that Impact! would focus more on wrestling then entertainment. One thing that I cannot stand is a spot on TV without a fucking match. I hate when we get a 30-second promo and then a commercial. Am I the only one who feels jipped? So pretty much Impact! is Heat. You have a few matches with the X-Division and then some clips to get you hyped for the pay-per-view. It seems like a better value to pay $40 a month for 12 hours of TNA action as opposed to only 3 of WWE. However, you can tell that the TNA PPVs are more or less Raw episodes. This week they have Jarret crowning himself the champ? When I order a PPV, I expect a damn title match.

The six-sided ring was definitley something different and I sort of liked it. It was hard to grasp TNA as it has a very different atmosphere compared to the WWE. And it's been about 3-4 years since I've seen anything but WWE. Sometimes on Saturday nights at 3 AM I'll watch some of that shitty wrestling that makes backyard wrestling look like a technical masterpiece, but that doesn't even count. Perhaps I should check out ROH.

The matches to me seemed to be filled with more high spots then a hyped up Cruiserweight match, which seems to be their angle in the X-Division. I didn't know whether or not to get excited during the big spots as I didn't know what their finishers were. Bam bam bam... are you done yet? The six-man was pretty cool, the tag match didn't do it for me, the squash with Abyss was of course short and the 4-way with Styles was nice. All except for his finisher. What in the hell was that? It doesn't look like it does that much damage. They gave this guy the title twice and stuck him back in the X-division to obviously make Impact! more enjoyable. This is what I don't get. Sure it's Jarrett's show, but why would they put the gold on K-Kwik before my buddy Raven? I just think this whole Impact! will need some getting used to. As soon as I can erase old gimmicks from my mind, I may find it better. It's just hard for me to take "3 Live Krew" seriously when I see old Road Dogg...

(06/16/04)  

Random News & Our First STD

Hello again and welcome to the latest installment of the One Man Conchairto. This week I have decided to look at several news bits for this great sport and then give my two cents on them. Before I get started I'd like to congratulate the Pistons on winning the 2004 NBA Finals. They are now the World Champions for being the best team in America.

Shawn Michaels will be taking the rest of the summer off while his wife is pregnant. That is the reason for the angle shot on RAW last night. HBK will then likely feud with Kane upon his return, with the two facing each other at Summerslam.

I can live with that. Although if he wasn't taking time off, he'd just continue his NEVER ENDING battles with Triple H. According to live coverage sites of Bad Blood, Kane's battle with Benoit was good. Okay then maybe HBK can pull a good match come August. I look forward to it. I just hope they don't end up having a match of HBK and his pregnant wife vs. Kane and pregnant Lita. Now that would be madness!

WWE has reportedly fired Chavo Guerrero, Sr. (Chavo Classic), the current Cruiserweight Champion, after he no-showed this weekend's house shows and refused to take part in certain comedy-related storylines.

A few hours ago he was missing... now he's fired. That really sucks. The guy truly was classic. Sure the CW division has a chance to battle the X division, if Vince cares. I just hope they don't pull a Chyna on this one. She disappears and so does the title for months. But then again, this title means about as much as the Women's on Raw. Now the Women's title is a joke. Don't tell me it isn't. I hope they allow some dignity by having him lose the title on SD! As long as it's not to Rey Mysterio.

The reason that Jerry "The King" Lawler and Jim Ross are now wearing suits on Raw is part of the new dress code policy that WWE has implemented.

Who cares? I seriously hope nobody has boycotted Raw because the announcers (which should never been seen, only heard) were wearing street clothes.

Some backstage think that Rikishi will be released from WWE soon. He has been out for awhile due to an ankle injury but many think he is milking the injury and staying out longer than needed. Many have been upset with him for not losing some weight as well. Even still, he remains popular in the locker room.

To tell you the truth, I'm surprised he still has a job with the company. He's fat, he's been doing the same shit since 1999 and well he sucks. That SD! locker room has to be something else. You have the cool guy Rikishi, everyone's leader and fellow Zombie the Undertaker and of course Bradshaw. It's not my place to bring up Patterson/JBL jokes though.

To tell you the truth, I thought there was more news for me to talk about. Guess not. Now for something special. For the month of June I am honoring a WWE superstar for defining greatness. We here at The One Man Conchairto are proud to present the first ever S.T.D. (Super Terrific Dude... err Diva), Trish Stratus. This past weekend she pulled a Triple H on us. She goes from a feud with Chris Jericho for months to taking the Women's Championship for no apparent reason. Now Triple H did the same thing basically back in December when he took the title from Goldberg after not even being in the match build-up. Sure it was the best option as Benoit needed a heel to face, but it was still sneaky. And I know I've been prasing Gail recently for her submission skills, but Trish has impressed me because of her win. Congratulations Trish and I hope you enjoy being the first ever One Man Conchairto STD!

(06/27/04)

10 Reasons WWE is Great

There's nothing I hate more then going back to work after a vacation. So I guess TWF is back in business thanks to the return of our leader. Although I could have sworn I saw him on TNA yesterday. Anyways this week I am going to discuss the 10 reasons why the WWE, more or less pro-wrestling itself, is better then other stuff.

10. Music

Now don't tell me that you don't enjoy the sounds of wrestling. Sure there are a few exceptions of crap songs (Shelton, Rey, SD! theme), but for the most part we're exposed to some of the best rock songs I've ever heard. Benoit, HHH, Evolution, etc. The Raw theme is also something of beauty. WWE just wouldn't be the same without the music.

09. Promos

If you ignore some of the weird shit they spit at us, WWE has some of the best promotional crap that I have ever seen. More or less I'm talking about their videos and not the backstage segments. The pre-PPV videos about the main-events remind me of something special. The commercials about the PPVs are awesome. I swear there's nothing cooler then seeing a few shots of your favorite wrestlers beating each other. Oddly enough it didn't seem that great when it actually happened. The promos are so good that othe
r sports have began to copy them.

08. Molly Holly

Before her haircut, 'nuff said.

07. Copycat Factor

We've all done it. You know, imitating your favorite wrestlers. How many times do you hear about Backyard Boxing matches? You don't... which is why wrestling rules.

06. Not Gay

One of the biggest reasons I'm told that wrestling is stupid (other then the fact that it's stupid and fake) is the gay factor. A bunch of oily men rubbing up on each other in their underwear doesn't exactly promote anything other than homosexuality. They're fighting, so you don't consider anything gay. I guess wrestling is good because it's the only way I'd watch another guy in his underwear.

05. Parallel Universe

Stuff that happens in the WWE World, stays in the WWE World. Okay so Eric doesn't want to fire Eugene because he'll have to answer to the Board of Directors and his sister would be quite upset. Well I guess that works. You know if you ignore the fact that if the BOD and your sister saw you fire him on TV they'd be upset, as opposed to them seeing you have Eugene getting the shit beat out of him.

04. Seasons

After the NBA Finals I heard people at work complaining that they had no sports to watch until Football started. The WWE is great because the season never ends. Sure because of that some stuff gets tiresome and we complain, but it's a lot better then having no WWE TV for a while. Some of us would have more free time on our hands that's for sure.

03. Employment

Because of the WWE, the likes of A-Train and the Bashams now have a place to work. Trust me I'd rather have them stinking up a dark match then walking down the street and scaring people.

02. Secretly Crave It

People like wrestling, they just don't know it. I remember seeing a comic on TV who was talking about the whole Holyfield/Tyson bout. Then he was talking about how to make boxing better. "What if there was a real reason for the fight? Like let's say Holyfield forgot to fill the ice trays or something and Tyson wanted to settle the argument." Oh, you mean what if it was like wrestling?

01. Lastly

And finally WWE is great because it's the one place where spitting water, cutting your throat and playing with a sock puppet are considered cool.

 

(06/30/04)

That's Retarded

Okay so our column after the "break" was requested by Saturday. I put it off and actually forgot until I checked the site and noticed many updates. I typed one up real quick and turned it in. None were the wiser. I was under the impression that the column turned in on Saturday counted as our weekly column. I guess it wasn't and we actually didn't get a week off since we have two columns for the past two weeks. I'm not bitching or anything. I know you got the e-mail, but be sure to post at the
forum.


Okay for this column I was going to talk about Eugene. I don't expect anyone to take me seriously. After all I am just a stupid mark who knows nothing about wrestling...

Eugene has been a thorn in my side for too long. Okay so the little pecker debutted and did some stuff. At first I was skeptical for his retard gimmick. So he was given a shot because of Eric's sister? Whatever happened to the good old days of winning a reality show like all the other legends of this business? It just makes the people who are seriously trying to get into the rasslin' world stupid as far as storyline mode, where your inner connections get you a job. And a shot? He wasn't even given a match at first anyway. Comedy and Regal ensured, so I guess it was worth it.

It wasn't a typical debut like on SD! You know, beating Spike Dudley and Scotty 2 Hotty to show you mean business. I sorta liked him at first with his constant mocking of other wrestlers and the airplane spin. Oh that's something else. But recently he has taken on a more serious approach. Eugene with Evolution as Trips is controlling him to earn the World title. Then he'll dump him like yesterday's garbage. I didn't like him beating on Regal. He invented the Power of the Punch damn it! And don't give me this crap about how him faking being retarded to get under Eric's radar. I just don't see it. Besides it can only work once. Once he "comes out" so to speak, there's no going back.

I also heard that both Vengeance and SummerSlam are likely headlined by Trips/Benoit for the title. I guess that means Eugene'll cost him the title, but the rematch will be the actual title switch? I'm sick of these short reigns damn it. I want a lengthly reign that isn't one for Trips. If he takes it at Unforgiven (err is that a SD! PPV now?) or whenever the next Raw PPV following SummerSlam, then Benoit's reign would've been great. Although outside of the kliq he has only faced Kane.

Someone needs to bury Eugene. Seriously... and by bury I mean in a Buried Alive Match. Okay I guess Eugene's change goes into the category of "I used to like this guy a lot until he's fighting with someone that I like more and as soon as they move on I like them again" - ala HHH vs. Austin 99. At least they're promoting some matches prior to the show before the actual PPV as far as Vengeance goes. Oh wait it's in two weeks...

(07/07/04)

Too Sweet To Be Sour

Greetings to all the loyal Wrestling Fan readers out there. As you know (or should) I am Richard aka the rest of TWF gang. I have several topics on my mind, but this week I will do something a little different. I have decided to give a review of sorts on a wrestling DVD I got my hands on. More or less it's just going to be my opinion, so I don't expect this to be one of my better columns. The DVD I am talking about is the 2-disc Foley set: Greatest Hits & Misses. Basically I'm just going to list the matches and give thoughts on them. Good or not, etc. Okay let's get to it.

Cactus Jack vs. Vader. People praise Vader for being the best "big man", but I just don't see it. I really did not like this match. Maybe it was the WCW environment, but it just sucked to me. Maybe it was the fact that WCW actually edits out blood (despite that they did show it on the DVD UNCUT!!!). Basically here's the match: Vader punches Foley to death, Harley Race gets knocked out, Vader attacks the railing, more punches, punches again, punches still, Foley wins by count-out. If you want two segments of Vader decking Jack, then this match was great. I suppose it's better then 3 Diva Search segments...

Cactus Jack & Maxx Payne vs. The Nasty Boys in a falls count anywhere match. This match basically just led up to all the ECW matches, ya know weapons and shit. I found these old WCW matches interesting. They seemed to like the ramp to be even with the apron. The funniest part of the match was Jack and a Nasty Boy (sounds dirty) attempting a table spot, but their weight broke the table. Decent, but still not my taste.

Cactus Jack vs. Sabu. Now we go for the ECW crap. I never really got into ECW and well the only event I went to didn't have all that much hardcore stuff. Maybe things were different then. There were some cool spots, but it went on too long. Guys in WCW are pinned by a clothesline, yet Sabu kicks out after being shot?

Cactus Jack vs. Chris Candido. Things picked up here in Smokey Mountain Wrestling. Foley's promo about rhyming Candido's name was classic. Sunny was there too. Good match.

Cactus Jack vs. The Sandman in a Texas Death Match. I hated this and it went on forever. SM's ring gear resembled that of a normal fan. The match was fucking retarded. Take a last man standing, only a pinfall is needed to start the count. A bunch of crazy spots for a lengthy match is this ECW classic. I didn't like it though.

Cactus Jack and Raven vs. Terry Funk and Tommy Dreamer. When this match was coming up, I thought it might actually be a TAG match. I'm so stupid. A little better then the previous ECW matches, but this hardcore crap 90% out of the ring just isn't my thing...

Cactus Jack vs. Mikey Whipwreck - final ECW match. Good match. I definitely liked this one the most on the first disc.

Now things started to get good. Mankind vs. Shawn Michaels for the title at Mind Games. Wow a few months ago he was in ECW, now he gets a title shot? There were some slow spots, but it was still a nice fight. Horrible ending with Vader's run in, but whatever.

Cactus Jack vs. Hunter Hearst Helmsley falls count anywhere. This was a very good hardcore match, with Chyna's interference at a minimum. Foley Piledriver through a table was a good finish.

Mick Foley vs. Terry Funk. Ehhh better then all of the old ECW matches, but still I wasn't that into it. Betcha didn't know Terry is one of the toughest SOB's you'd meet. That's because Stone Cold said. You know when his damn headset was working. It was hilarious when he took King's as his was broken.

Dude Love vs. Stone Cold. Now I could have sworn I saw a match between these two that ended in DQ when SC hit Vince with a chair. Anyways this match was great. You had wrestling, hardcore stuff (which I enjoyed) and a solid crowd. I thought it was a classic.

Mankind vs. The Undertaker Hell in a Cell. Who hasn't seen this? What can you say about this one? The one HIAC that can never be outdone.

Mankind vs. The Rock from Raw to win the title. I thought this was a great match, probably better then when I saw it when it aired.

Cactus Jack vs. Triple H. Man has Trips changed since then. I love this match. Debut of 2x4 wrapped in barbwire, not to be confused with barbie. Sick pedigree on tacks. Stephanie actually looked hot.

EXTRAS


Cactus Jack vs. Sting. Still I find the black costume and white face 100X cooler then pink pants and rainbow face anyday. Good NON-TITLE PPV match, but the ending was a little week.

Cactus Jack vs. Sabu. The rematch (one of them) with commentary by Mick and Coach. Better then the previous one, but it may have been the commentary. Partners are a lot better at commentary then the one man job from ECW.

Jack Foley and Les Thornton vs. The British Bulldogs. Squash match and was Thornton even in it? Pretty good even with a clean-cut looking Foley.

Anyways after seeing this set I thought the WWE Foley had the best matches. I like hardcore shit as much as the next guy, but I just prefer it when it isn't 99% out of the ring. That's probably why TNA will never be anything. If you collect wrestling DVDs or have a big DVD collection then I would highly recommend this. Otherwise I'd still recommend, but rent over a lonely weekend. And if you're a big fan of wrestling, that probably isn't considered uncommon. The Street Fight with HHH was a great match. It's like buying RR2k on DVD and not being forced to see Mae Young's tits. The Dude Love match rocked and of course everyone loves the match with the Undertaker.

I give "Greatest Hits & Misses" a patented Mick Foley Thumbs Up. If and when I get around to getting the collections for Flair, Michaels, Benoit then I will give my two cents on their careers as well. If this is any indication of things to come, keep em' coming guys. I hope the Eddie DVD rumor I heard a while back is true. That would mean I'd get his title win from NWO without having to buy the actual event, seeing as that's the only reason to get ot. Vengeance is on Sunday, so I smell the July edition of the Roundtable coming. Thanks to the forum the myth I held that no one read my column isn't totally true. If you have any comments send me an e-mail by clicking my icon.

The One Man Conchairto 07/14/04  By Richard Waters 
 
10 Times The Fun!

Before I get started I have something to say. See Saturday I went to the site and noticed a change. I noticed Jason's un-updated column moved to the right section and my column was shafted to the bottom. More so I also noticed another column (newer and less-updated then mine!) below. I was so mad that I wrote a column about the Wrestling Fan Screwjob, complete with satire image! However, the change continued and I was placed on top of the JOB column. Good, except I have a few minor complaints. Sure you don't scroll 1/4 as much to read, but I'm next to the duck and that's kinda distracting. It's hard (for me) to read with another set of text at the left. And besides, the column at the right is slightly less in width. But I take it back, I won't complain.

It's a shame though, that was a fucking good column. Wow check it out: I wrote two columns the other week and basically two this week as well. This stuff writes itself. Anyways this week my topic of discussion is the Divas Search. Which as everyone knows has about two more months to go until we see the crowned diva. Mark you calenders Wrestling Fan... fans, because that's far more important then say the day Benoit became champ. Speaking of which, I want his reign to end differently. Goldberg also beat Trips and held two victories over him before losing it again. And does anyone even remember him as champ? See what I mean. Well let's hope the same holds true once this Divas Search shit is over.

This Thursday the 10 finalists will be chosen LIVE ON SPIKE TV! And I hear tickets are still available at the theatre or wherever it is held. I can't imagine why. We have special judges who will choose the final 10. I believe they are Edge, Triple H, Randy Orton and Chris Jericho. I don't know about you, but I expect the rating for this little shindig to blow the series finale of Friends out the water. Seriously it'll be that good.

On Raw this week we had something "special" to watch. Rather then the simple video segments we were treated with the real fucking deal baby. Yes that's right, three (sadly only three) were on Raw. I swear they should fire all the normal wrestlers and restart the whole WOW thing. Now that was hot, especially that evil teacher.

So as usual we see Jerry Lawler introducing them. Of course hilarity ensures when Jerry and the Divas exchange sexual innuendos. Apparently the first chick can touch her tongue to her nose. Then old King makes a joke about touching his tongue to her nose. At point which a pop-up window appeared on the screen that read "404 Error: Funny not found." I guess she was hot, but seriously I doubt we're going to see any desperately ugly chicks. Which is sad because I'd vote for the Diva I could get. And seriously the only reason anyone would give a damn about her "talent" is the simple fact that she's a good looking girl. Does anyone give a damn what a fat dude can do with his tongue? I think not!

Next came a weird looking broad. I don't know what her nationality is, but I've always wondered what would happen if Lillian Garcia and Gail Kim could have a baby. Her talent is dancing. So she did. And people say Victoria's entrance is bad?!? I can't dance either, but this is a girl. Girls are like fish when it comes to dancing... they just know how. Even if they dance awful, it still looks hot because they're a girl. See previous Diva.

Now our final Diva was once again another brunette. Don't get me wrong, I prefer them over most blondes... but this is Vince's show. I always thought he had a thing for blondes. It seems this chick has two puppies. Not those kinda puppies you silly pervert. LOLZ!!!!!1111oneoneone She is also the 2004 Playmate or something. That barley drew any reaction from the crowd, and was the pop of all the Diva segments. What does that say, huh? Well she is good looking, but she won't win. I'm sure the winner of the search will pose for Playboy in another big photoshoot. Obviously that's nothing new to her and WWE can't profit from it.

I suppose it could be worse... they could have introduced more. News (well not recent) is that REAL LIVE WWE Divas are quite upset. It seems that the 1/4 of a million dollar prize (does that sound more then 250,000?) is worth a lot more then their annual contracts. Let's look at the current crop of Divas, and by Diva I mean non-wrestling women: Dawn Marie, Sable, Torrie, JACKIE!, Stacy Kiebler. I think that's it, and if I'm wrong tough. There is no way in Hell Stacy is worth that much money. What does she do? Comes to the ring to promote something every few months? Has a BIKINI photoshoot? No, not worth a million for the time she has been in the WWE. Now if the actual wrestling Divas like Molly and Victoria don't make close to that, then they have my permission to bitch. And by bitch I mean kill all the Diva wannabes. And by kill I don't mean beat up, I mean make them die.

Another thing that has bothered me is the term Diva. Diva means goddess. NO! There are two "Divas" that come close though. They are Trish Stratus and Molly Holly. Trish because she is a heel, but we all still find her hot. No matter what she wears, no matter what she does... we will always love her. Now if Jazz did the same shit Trish does (cheat to beat Nidia, commentate, etc.) we would boo her out the building. Trish is a goddess. For the record, she's worse then King at commentating. Molly goes into the same category imo, but recently she has gone away from goddess. Once her hair grows back though, she's back in business. I LOVE MOLLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Other then that, I think it has already been pointed out that we need wrestling women and not T&A ladies. I don't want to come off as gay or anything, but what's the big deal? If you've seen one diva in a bikini, you've seen em all. Doesn't anyone notice the "reaction" the Divas segments get? Hopefully the rating behind Thursday's show will show. And I swear if it does better then SD!, then we have some problems. The search is meaningless. I have already declared the winner. Game Set & Match.

The One Man Conchairto 07/21/04  By Richard Waters 
 

Isn't It Sad...

I know that I should not get full of myself. I'm not the best writer at TWF. Hell I'm not even in the top three. But for some reason I really felt that my previous column on the Divas Search was a fucking good read. Somehow I feel more confident when I talk about others who write columns. See it's one thing to say shit like "our football team sucks" when you're just a smelly guy in the stands, as opposed to "our football team sucks" when you are actually busting your ass on the field. No column per se this week, but I'm going to list a few things that are bothering me.

Isn't It Sad... when you have a monster who is flame retardant and can survive being driven into a Semi thanks to Shane O' Mac, yet he needs help from Eric Bischoff and Batista to win a cheap match over a man half his size?

Isn't It Sad... how the Divas obviously didn't rehearse their segments or they are terrible actors. They besmirched Victoria's dance to shreds with their entrance. I loved how the audience booed them with their name and town. These girls can't act. Which is odd, considering most have been in movies. Eric is yelling at them, yet they're fucking laughing. It really makes Eric look less then mighty. I loved how he tried to put them in their place as he called them bimbos etc. Yet how did Eric not hear Jericho blasts the news of an immunity envelope across the arena? And why did one of them say Eugene told them to? The crowd was chanting "boring"... vote em all off.

Isn't It Sad... that we're weeks from SummerSlam and we haven't a match announced. This shouldn't be a surprise to anyone really. Although the Iron Man Match looks to be sweet, no matter the winner... who would be up for a title shot at the PPV? I guess Benoit could win the match on Raw (yay!) and lose to Trips at the predictable SummerSlam main-event (nay!).

Isn't It Sad... how I won't be voting for any Divas. Say we could do it via WWE.com in a normal poll like we used to, then I would. But I'm not picking up a phone and dialing all those numbers with the chance of long distance charges for their pleasure. I know they want this like American Idol, but it's too close. Losers that nobody cares about + phone voting + a bunch of "hunky" guys with long hair who look very BAD in suits = low ratings people.

Isn't It Sad... when the free version of Edge/Orton is 100X more entertaining and exciting (same thing?) then the longer and $34.95 version at Vengeance. I saw the match, just long until the end. I think the retard "quit" last week. Fuck Rey Mysterio.

Isn't It Sad... that Molly is in love with me? You're jealous. Admit it!

Isn't It Sad... that the Iron Man Match would make more sense at SummerSlam. Commercials are going to kill it too. I only saw the last 15 minutes of the Brock/Angle one. The ending reminded me of playing someone in a SD! game.

Isn't It Sad... that we may see Angle/Guerrero when we NEED Angle/Cena. Fuck you Cena bashers. You can't see me!

Isn't It Sad... that they fucked my idea. Hurricane needs to go heel. The Flair match shouldn't have been a one time deal. Hurricane should question being a superhero and try and impress the fans, but fails. Next we see a dark and depressed Raven-ish character. Damn you Rosey, damn you to hell!

Isn't It Sad... that every title on Raw at the moment is held by a Canadian (Benoit, Trish, Edge, La Rez... technically). I mean come on, Canada is the enemy.

Anyways I think that about wraps up what is currently annoying me with WWE. Hey if you want, send me your own version of "Isn't It Sad...", I'll add your comments in a

future column. Come on, you know you want to. I mean you would be so popular. Did you notice my La Parka icon was changed? Did ya? Did ya? I'll see you guys next week and my column is officially done. Isn't It Sad...

The One Man Conchairto 07/28/04  By Richard Waters 

Spoilers Suck!

I have to comment on something that was brought up in the Forum - cheap plug. I have found it a little more difficult to come up with a decent topic for a column in the past couple of weeks, and in wrestling terms that means last week. Looking at my archive I seem to have recycled some topics. Last week the whole "things I hate" about the WWE was used a few months ago. Then of course there was my choice of discussing Raw and a PPV or something. I guess I've had a few good ones every once in a while: WCW, Goldberg, Divas, etc. I don't know what it is, but I feel like I'm weeks behind on my "column list" because I keep getting some ideas, but there's no point if everyone has already given their two cents in the forum.

So this week I have decided to talk about the spoilers and such on wrestling news sites and how they seem to ruin my experience sometimes... and yet nothing changes. You know kinda like how we HAVE to wash our dark colored clothes in cold because the tag says so, yet we smoke cigarettes despite the warning. Don't worry I won't get into a rant, I'm not good enough where I don't have to talk about wrestling.

I guess the first piece that everyone is most familiar with are the SD! spoilers. These are easy to come by since it's not live and people send them into the sites, despite TNA's belief that we shouldn't do that. I didn't always read them, more within the past few months. Saying SD! sucks is so yesterday man. I have always thought they were second rate for the longest time now. This was when the brand extension first started, ala SummerSlam 2002. And remember folks, this was before they lost Brock Lesnar to "God Hates Fags!" and Benoit to Raw. And truth be told, who could be happier? I think it's so stupid why I read them. To me I can't just boycot SD! like some writers claim.

Watching both SD! and Raw is a ritual that I just can't break. I do enjoy the brand extension in a sense. The Raw and SD! ratings don't seem to be that far from one another. So SD! scored 0.2 more then last week? What the hell does that even mean? I guess that's the number of people who tuned. How do they know that? Do the TVs send some kind of signal? I really don't think anyone is really quitting SD! anymore now then ever because the ratings are still the same. I wish people would stop making such a scene of not watching SD! What's next? Oh you're no longer posting in this chat room? Yeah right, I'll see you on Friday... after you watch SD! of course. SD! is not as bad as people claimed. I found it second rate because of the star power. Both shows screw us anyway. Ignore the Divas Search in that sense. Nothing sacred can be said in response to that. I absolutely hate when we get a 12-second segment in the back and then commercial. I'm not talking about a short skit after a short match. Just the skit.

If everyone's not watching SD!, then why does everyone discuss the SD! spoilers so heavily? There's just something about seeing [spoilers] that seems to draw me in. It only works with wrestling though. For instance if I'm on an anime forum and I see [spoilers] for a title that I haven't seen yet, I steer clear. So last week the big announcement and what we got from the spoilers was that Cena/Angle was not happening. It crushed my hopes, but there is still hope of WrestleMania 21. Instead we get Angle/Guerrero... great match, nothing special can come out of it. Angle gets revenge and nothing more? Guerrero gets revenge and somehow it means something even though he already won at WMXX? I guess it makes sense. Say it was Cena/Angle... where would Guerrero be? We can't have a fourth round of JBL/Eddie. So Eddie would be without a match. Too bad his injury isn't bad then. But Cena is likely to face the new or for the vacant title, Booker T. Even still, we've seen this match many times. We've seen it about five times since the Lumberjack Match. The other SD! match is Taker/JBL. Although neither seem to be able to carry the other, I think it'll be decent. The crowd sure as hell ate it up. I wish Taker could just wrestle in his trenchcoat. Oh come on, tell me it didn't look badass when he chokeslammed Bradshaw in the SD! Rebound.

And now the latest piece to cause talk on the Internet for the weekend was the spoiler for Raw's top matches for SummerSlam: Orton/Benoit and HHH/Eugene. Both of these I'd want as matches, but the added note of "with the intent to put the title on Orton..." made me ill. Take Flair's comments to tagging with Eugene and picture me vomiting as ill. In a way maybe the torch was passed from HHH to Benoit, but for what? He wins the biggest match in recent memory and loses the title to "dorkboy" before going to mid-card hell? NO DAMN IT! The battle royal this past Monday was uneasy for me with those spoilers. I had my eye on Orton and prayed it was not true. I'll tell you I was marking out during Jericho/Orton. Yes the match everyone wants Y2J/Benoit, but will will never get it. Damn it...

Let's talk about Randy for a second. He has the look? Okay I guess he does look like a wrestler. I'm not the King, so I'm not going to say whether or not he's better looking then a Greek God. I swear the King has bigger problems then I thought. I know he's supposed to back the heels, but that's just creepy. He's still learning his stuff in the ring. I really can't see him carrying any opponent lesser then him like let's say Jericho could. How boring was his Vengeance match? We all know about his restholds, so we won't go there. I don't understand why people praise his mic skills. It is SO EASY to be a heel. Being a face and keeping the crowd alive is way more difficult. His skills are not that good. He relies on cheap heel heat and the fact that he's with Evolution. Boring. He's over with the fans, so what?

It's also way too soon. I mean why do they make Benoit look so weak? Edge beat Kane at Backlash in one of those 7-minute crap matches. Yet it takes Benoit 20 minutes and seems like a fluke? Edge beats Orton twice in a short amount of time and we're supposed to believe that Randy can beat Benoit? How many times did Chris show Orton his place on the roster? His mimick role of the Rock is just lame as hell. At least when Rock won the title, it was three months worth of build after he lost the IC title... not mere weeks later. Did anyone give a shit about Brock when he won? No. This is just wrong. And why are they hyping Benoit so much? The commercial for the DVD aired and of course the whole thing on wwe.com. Why are they kicking him out? Now at Survivor Series if Orton won, okay I'll accept that. Not sooner. I hate this. Benoit has beaten all the heels at this point. Let's go with some faces. In any event, Benoit has achieved his dream and there's nothing the bookers can do about that. I'm still assuming the Orton win is still a rumor. Like his win at WMXX, I won't believe it until I see it.

So here's a possible SummerSlam card... all thanks to spoilers.

WHT: Benoit vs. Orton
WWE: JBL vs. Taker
US: Booker vs. Cena
WTT: Rhyno/Tajiri vs. La Rez
Angle vs. Eddie
HHH vs. Eugene

Holy shit, SS isn't this Sunday and we have more then 2 matches signed!!!

Now maybe give us Trish vs. some random face Diva (Victoria, Nidia, etc.) and we have Raw's half. And to counteract that we get a Rey Mysterio title match. You know depending on how the match with Spike turns out. You know because I plan on not reading the spoilers this week. I get off work around 7:15, so I will only miss the first segment or two.

Warning: One Man Conchairto Spoilers

Despite showing a lack of care for the Divas competition and assuming she was more desirable then Kamala, Charmelle the Playboy chick was oddly enough not eliminated from the competition as needed. The audience was forced to sit through 8 more weeks of the same bikini segment. Richard's brains are expected to be scrambled and the content of future columns will show.

[Credit: TheWrestlingFan.com]
 

The One Man Conchairto (08/04/04) By Richard Waters 

 

The Chris Benoit Story

I don't know what it is, but ever since my column was moved to the right side of the site I have felt something different. I seem to have some kind of mementum going into the week. Perhaps I have some confidence behind my work now. I don't know, but lately Sean has pimped the OMC first lately. He didn't always do that, so it makes me think I have been doing something special. I feel like I'm on a proverbial "push" so to speak, which makes me uneasy about two new writers to the staff. Sure I'm all for newbies aboard, as long as they don't interfere with my reign. Payne is MM's friend and that's great. But he should start at the bottom of the totem pole like I did. Hell he should also be below Renee as well. And I hear we're having a 411 writer come aboard as well. That's great, but I sure hope the same goes for him. Fan following or not, I don't think he should be above me. Now if I see better and more frequent columns from these guys compared to me, then okay they payed their way in and proved it. But it just isn't right to shaft me. Not doing so makes my push and move from Contributing Writer to Columnist in vain. Points which are being made in my next piece today.

Before I start, I can't be the only one who wanted a One Man Conchairto on Jericho this past Monday. Right?

I have been a Benoit fan for the longest time now. I never watched WCW, so I am unfamiliar with his earlier work. When he debuted on the scene with the Radicals, he had this look that drew me in. WM2000 had him in the triple threat with Jericho and Angle. Oh to have one of those for the World title again! Anyways I was a fan of Y2J as well, but my prediction was completely mixed up. Benoit with IC and I thought Jericho would. Way to shake things up! Time slipped by and Benoit showed me what he had in his IC
 title reign. Next came the title shot against the Rock at Fully Loaded. Mick Foley made the stip where the title could change hands on a DQ... a thing that makes TNA seem so lame. Benoit was a heel at the time, so I didn't want him to win. As he walked away with the gold because of an accident, I was in shock. It's sad when your Mom (not a vivid watcher like yourself) saw something you never could. I was only into WWE for about 2-3 years at that point and never truly "got it". I mean a stipulation is rarely seen if something isn't used (i.e. Molly not being shaved... come on now!). Course Foley reversed it and whenever that happens, the other guy ALWAYS wins.

Move over a few months and we have a fatal four way. I know Benoit (of course!), Taker and Rock were in it. But I'm unsure of the fourth man. Anyways Benoit cheated and knocked Taker out with a chair. Bam he pinned him and became the champ for the second time. Again I didn't like the heel version. Once AGAIN Foley reversed it. If this happened today, I'm sure they'd have a feud or something. Shortly after that I started to become more smark and started to enjoy the heels more. In fact time came that I enjoyed them too much. Austin was ALWAYS my favorite and the imfamous heel turn happened at Mania. Skip ahead to the King of the Ring. Jericho and Benoit taking on Austin for the title. I wanted Stone Cold to win, so I said boo on them. The match (and event!) was great if you ignore Booker T and his shittiness. I prefer his WWE-style version myself.

That seemingly ended a lot for Chris Benoit. He broke his neck and put him out of action for some time as we all know. Invasion occured... HHH came back... shitty year of constant title changes in 2003. Benoit came back, but I wasn't that into WWE at the time. Watching back it seems he sided with Eddie and joined SD! for competition. He won the IC title again before losing it back to RVD in a pretty good bout if you ask me. Now he seems to be unmotivated and went from crap to crap. Sure a tag title win with Angle was great, but nothing that interested me. Royal Rumble! Angle/Benoit for the title. I knew in my heart that he had no chance. If you thought so, either you're a fan like I wish I was still, or very optimistic. Brock helps Angle, Angle lies and joins Heyman for a month in stupid booking? Yeah nobody predicted Brock to win the Rumble. At 29 at that!

I never really saw the match, but I heard it was good. Ending clean, but with both guys looking strong. WOW! I really thought the storyline around this meant big things for Benoit. He wanted a title shot, but lost an opportunity thanks to Eddie. He beat Eddie and then lost his shot. Mania came around again and he was in a useless tag match with Rhyno. Ugh! I, along with the IWC, assumed that he would never eeeever become WWE champion. As the months went by he went from almost WWE champion to mid-card joke. He continued to put guys like Sean O'Haire over. Benoit vs. Cena, winner faces Brock. I was rooting for Benoit. Of course not! Once he lost to Big Show in that storyline with Brock, I knew it was over for him. Everytime I saw him, I hoped a win was in his future. A win made him closer to glory. Next WWE Champion for sure!

I felt bad for the Crippler. Here he is stuck out-wrestling A-Train while a joke such as Lesnar is winning the gold. Benoit can't cut a promo... but fucking Brock could? No Mercy he beat A-Train once again. I was happy, but I knew a singles victory meant shit. Survivor Series happened and he was in the 5-on-5 match. He made Brock tap! Wow! I thought this was the start of something big. I was digging his shit with Cena for a chance at the title from here. Then when he was to face Brock, I was rooting for Benoit all the way. I really thought he could've won the title. Great booking on SD!'s part. Cock cheated and well yeah. His push did not end as he was down Heyman's face in regards to the WWE title. "You will never..." usually always means he would!!!

But at that point I became a writer for the 'Fan and I began reading news sites a lot more. I hardly ever did prior to. I heard rumors of HHH wanting Benoit on Raw. Reason? Not to give him the gold, but for someone to make him look good without having to put him over. Ugh, I knew it was over. Royal Rumble 2004, it was really between Benoit and Goldberg as candidates. Benoit won and I couldn't believe it. Only logical choice though. The next night he appeared on Raw. YES YES YES!

Things really changed from here. He was doing shit on SD! and yet I see all these great bouts on Raw. This is the Chris the IWC talks about. WrestleMania was something for me. Edmonton was at Backlash and that changed things for me. I did not know who was going over in March. HHH could win and put him over in his hometown. The title match could be HBK/Benoit with the same result. That was the first time I really marked out in a long time. When he put him in the crossface, I kept chanting TAP TAP TAP! When he did, I collapsed on the floor like I fucking won the title as well. What a moment!!!

But since then, he hasn't been champion. Being better then Goldberg and Big Show as champions doesn't count. Despite being the #1 guy in the biz, he wasn't really. Sure he held the gold, but he was not the main guy. The storylines still revolved around Evolution... the Kliq and eventually Eugene. I was eating up the possibility of HBK/Benoit at Backlash. But of course they threw in HHH. Moving on Benoit kept defending and it was to be Kane vs. Benoit for the title. First time HHH not involved. But that was only because of Bore in a Cell, and the World Title match was not the main-event. It should ALWAYS be the main-event. ALWAYS!

It started to depress me because it was like Benoit was the title holder. Much like the Vengeance promo suggested. HHH got fucking title shots all the time. No reason, just cuz. After Vengeance, I was pissed. I mean not once did Benoit go over the major players on Raw cleanly. Sure at Backlash and Mania they tapped, but on Raw and shit they were all cheated victories. Pisses me off. Now this latest news makes me ill. Orton as champ? Wait a gosh darn second.

Why? This guy is boring. He lost twice to Edge and is better then Benoit? How is it that HHH could never beat Chris, yet a loser like Randy can? The "dream match" of HHH/RKO is garbage. The plan to have HHH go over? How can he beat RKO, but can't touch Benoit? It makes me mad because I love Benoit. I makes me mad because RKO is the future main-event. Why take it away from Benoit now? He was never the top guy, so why take the only thing keeping him there? Once he loses the belt, it's back to mid-card Hell. Just ask Jericho. Y2J held the Undisputed Title for three shitty months. The ending was between him and HHH, where Jericho had Steph's services. Reason? The only way to defeat HHH was with his ex-wife. Gee I wonder who wrote that storyline?

Where has Jericho been since? Used, like Benoit will be. They use him to put these other guys over without any rewards. People want Jericho as champ. He is over all the time. Puts over anyone. Why not give him another run? It's not like HHH isn't stale. Has Jericho ever been given a true title shot? Nope. Will Benoit? I doubt it. Ironic how Benoit left WCW because of politics. I'm not digging this Randy Orton as champ shit. I would if they gave it a proper build. Make it several months in the making, not mere weeks. At least JBL actually chased the title for more then two weeks.

Is it Vince? Does he hate the Canadians? Does he hate the name Chris? What is so special about Orton? He has stolen all of Rock's stuff. Third gen star, not leader of faction but will leave, heel that fans like, IC to World Title. Not to mention he stole Christian's pyro. Then again Christian is the People's Champ... Benoit can cut promos just as well as dorkboy. Benoit is 1000X the worker. Whatever, it had to end sometime. Why not wait until Unforgiven or Survivor Series? Word is that Orton will hold the title until Mania. Hmmm another long reign? He doesn't deserve it at this point. And HHH is going to win at Mania. Wouldn't it make more sense for Orton to beat HHH ala Rock Nation? Guess not. 2004 has been the best Wrestling year in a long time. The year of Benoit. I love the guy and I hate that his run as champ is over. Maybe not, but it doesn't seem like those news sites are going to be wrong. So pretty much Benoit is no longer in the "main"-event. Will he ever get another title shot again? Perhaps if we have another Elimination Chamber...

 
The One Man Conchairto 08/11/04  
By Richard Waters 

The TNA Mess

This week is generally predictible when it comes to wrestling columns in that they're basically nothing more then glorified Summer Slam predictions. While that's all fine and dandy, I wanted something more. People complain about WWE all the time, but you have to admit that they are doing something right. Maybe not everything we'd like, but that's the thing. They don't have to meet our every demand, and we'll still watch it. I wish the smarks somehow realized that. "This stuff writes itself..." - I hate that line. Listen up friends, no matter what you think... they have thought of it already. If some net nerd can think of a particuliar storyline out their ass... then so can the creative team. I know we as a group call them names, but I honestly believe they are capable of the good stuff they bring us. Whether people agree with me or not. In any event I decided to give my two cents (really sounds like a decent title for my column since I say it a lot) on TNA, who is a bigger mess then the Helmsely dinner table.


Let's start with Impact and the weekly PPVs. TNA is many things, but it really isn't a wrestling show like I once thought. When the news of Impact came to the web, I was siked. Finally I get to see Raven and AJ Styles in action. Styles maybe, but Raven just started. I guess he was injured, and well their thing is the X-division. The show is the same every week. We open with some big tag match with the X guys. 6-10 men to be exact, filled with nothing but spots. And the matches we do see with the heavyweights (Raven, Jarret, Brown, Abyss) are just squashes. What is the major focus behind Impact? To sell the weekly PPVs.

In lies the problem. Since they have a weekly PPV, there really is no payoff. There's nothing special about Wednesday nights. Sure they have a good looking match or two, but nothing worth an entire event over. And some stuff they advertise doesn't look good for a PPV. Finding out the date of a future title match? The outcome of a past title match? More like a televised event, not PAY PER VIEW. To me I see Impact as SD! and the PPV as Raw. They need to try and get FX to sign them a deal, and then they will have something golden.

They really need to go with the rumored path of a monthly PPV on Sundays. From there they can actually focus on their normal shows and make them more then just glorified infomercials. Every commercial segment seems like a cheap plug for the Wednesday show. That way we get some payoffs and closure. And maybe a fucking point in the NWA title match. I feel cheated that they don't give us an NWA title match as often as the X-division one. But that would all change with the monthly PPV. I have never bothered to order one since they seem like a normal show as opposed to an actual PPV. But this can all change. And if they remaind $10... they sold me!

Actually I take that back. They have no real choice in the matter. They are not big enough to consider charging us $30 for their show. Especially when the casual fans sees them as nothing more then WWE rejects. Then again I don't think the price matters. I hear that they didn't break records in buyrates with their penny PPV. I didn't order it either though. Am I that cheap? Or did I simply not care enough? Now if WWE gave us a $10 PPV...

However they cannot just jump ship to monthly PPVs and improving their Impact show. You can't exactly expect strong buys with your 3pm timeslot. Even a big TNA fan like my friend at work can't even watch it due to his job. I wonder if they even talk about Impact on the PPVs because he didn't even know about it, just Xplosion. Get a better spot on FSN, or something with FX then work your way up. Move Xplosion to FX (channel more people get) and make that your "SD!" and continue with Impact being your "Raw", and possibly get a longer time slot. Just a suggestion. I hope you're reading Jarret. Now I want my title shot. I'm more reliable then Hardy is.

The X-division is one of their biggest things, but I'm not really digging it. I need personalities. The X guys don't have it. Really who are the big names in the X division? You have the Kid Rock midgit, Kid Kash. I heard someone on 411 say he should be feuding in the NWA title picture. I think this guy is shorter then Rey Mysterio. Moving on you have the co-holders of the title, Kazarian and Shane. Still no personality from the rest of the spot fests dorks. AJ Styles has his phenomnal gimmick and his bad ass looking hoodie. Gotta get me one of them. I think it's pretty sad when the guy who shows the most character is Shark Boy. But did you see his Universal Studios promo video? That was golden!

The X-division needs to take a back seat for a second. Some of their moves are fantastic and amazing, but they do nothing but spots. You can't tell a story with that. It's hard to tell when a match can end in TNA because no move stands out from the other. You get big move after big move. They need to learn how to sell and do less shit that involves someone jumping to the outside or doing some crazy corkscrew.

Speaking of developing personalities, they need to make their big stars unique. Try and distinguish them as TNA players as opposed to WWE rejects. Jarret looks the same from when he left WWE in 99. Guitar in hand, etc. Road Dogg and K-Kwik are still doing their rap stuff. Who else is there? Abyss is an old school Kane knock-off. The mask, Jason Voorhees facial turns, bitch to a woman, etc. Styles is the Benoit of NWA. He can wrestle like a God, but can't speak to save his life. And someone tell Jarret the magic show is in another studio.

Fire Monty Brown. NOW! Can anyone say Goldberg knock-off? Undefeated streak? I betcha he's kicking himself in the ass now. He lost to Hardy, which kills him knowing that he might not last long. I'll give Brown credit though, he's a pro. I doubt he oversleeps in his hotel. I hate this guy with a passion. Rey Mysterio can be NWA champion before this guy. Maybe I just hate the whole football gimmick. He's built like a beast, but that doesn't make the "Pounce" any more lethal. It's a shoulder block, plain and simple. What's next, our WWE champion's finisher would be a simple clothesline?...

To me TNA is not competition for WWE as some have pointed out. I would say that TNA doesn't feel they are trying to compete, but they are. How else can you explain a "Fuck Vince" t-shirt in their store? TNA is nothing but a spotfest filled promotion. Consider them a glorified indy fed. Much like what I assume ROH is.

Edit: News says that Hardy showed up early for the tapings this past week. Now I'm glad for that. I hope he is serious about wrestling again. But like the Orton win, I won't take it seriously until we get down to business.

Now for my Summer Slam predictions. Everyone else is doing it.

Rey & Shooting Stars over Doz Damn Dudleyz. Doesn't really matter in a sense as long as I see the 450* Splash. Almost as cool as seeing the Diving Headbutt. Almost. It's a shame it's not an elimination tables match. I hate one fall to finish table matches. Who wouldn't mark out to the London Calling through a table?

Kane over Hardy, and the real losers are the fans. So Lita marries Kane? Please don't swirve us with a Lita heel turn. It will ruin the Women's Division for sure. They are lacking faces to battle Trish. Besides to counteract that, someone will have to go face. Not my Molly! In any event a Lita heel turn smells a lot like Jericho/Trish. And not in the way Mark Henry was referring...

US Title: Cena over Booker in first of best of 5 series. You know it's going to go to five matches. Likely to end at the next SD! PPV or the Super SD! before the next Raw PPV. In any event Cena will leave for his movie, so obviously he won't win the title.

IC Title: Edge over Jericho and Batista. I guess Edge is going heel on Raw the following night, or the crowd will be so behind Edge that he does it anyway? I hope this is a good match. I really do. Let's go Edge, prove them that it should've been you to win the gold over Benoit!!! (Note: I wouldn't be rooting on Edge if that were the case)

HHH over Eugene. I'm not buying a Eugene heel turn. It makes little sense. Kinda like Kid Kash costing Styles the X-div title. Yay now your rematch gives you nothing since he's not the champ. I really don't see Eugene beating him. Is anyone else sick of "super face" beating ALL OF EVOLUTION. Eugene, Goldberg, Benoit, Benjamin, etc. It's unrealistic.

Eddie vs. Angle. It's a toss-up for me. Let's ask Mr. coin. Heads is Eddie, tails is Angle. Eddie it is!

Divas over the Fans. Really is there a point in this? I'm all for the legit Divas (minus Jazz) beating the hell out of the hopefuls. In fact I hope Carmelle gets her fucking teeth knocked out. It pisses me off that she won and she doesn't even give a damn. Since she won't be wrestling, won't she simply be involved in skits and stuff. By God the next Divas magazine ought to be a best seller since we can see her in a bikini. Oh wait she was in Playboy. Damn bitch. I need a girlfriend...

WWE Title: JBL over Undertaker. I can't see Heidenrich in the title match. I also can't see a part-timer with the gold. JBL continues on. I think the IWC comes together on this though. "We" dig his character, just not his in-ring ability.

World Title: Benoit over Orton. I refuse to believe that "dork boy" will cleanly beat the God of the Ring. I swear I'm going to kill myself if Orton wins.

That's it for this week. Be sure to read the rest of the columns here at TWF. Come this Sunday we go from Eddie/Benoit to JBL/Orton. Much like the Richard Happy Wrestling Days, this column is over.

 
The One Man Conchairto 08/17/04  By Richard Waters 

Please Shut The Hell Up

Hello everybody and welcome to the newest edition of the One Man Conchairto. I'm sending this one in early, because well it was requested. Guess I'm not in a position to use my backstage politics to not job or what not. This week we have a special look at SummerSlam, as I viewed it very differently then I have previous PPVs.

So a few weeks ago (sometime after Vengeance) I made a friend at work. I guess somehow he learned that I was a wrestling fan. How? Well I told him. See I heard him talk to another guy about WWE and so I knew that would be easy to make conversation. We started talking and I made fun of several things he liked etc. He didn't like how I bashed Bret Hart and stuff. But ever since then he has wanted me to go see SummerSlam with him at this sports bar. Well I decided to go with him this past Sunday, along with some other guy. Before the show (during Heat) I had some nachos, but couldn't finish them. I'm not a pansy. First of all, those nachos were huge. Anyways onto the story and an analysis of the PPV in the sports bar.

I don't know about you, but whenever I watch them... I watch them in the comfort of my own home. Granted WM20 was the first PPV I saw since Jericho was last seen with a world title, but still. Some other guys (friends of Bret fanboy) joined us and I finally realized exactly why JBL bashes us. In a sense he's not being a dick, these people really give wrestling nerds a bad name. Reading about any nerd thing (anime, wrestling, etc.) is okay online, but hearing about it in real life is just creepy. The guy kept talking about all this shit, and it drove me insane. His voice annoyed me, and all his assine comments made me angry. See there's one thing I really hate, and that's a smark who tries to sound like they know everything... but really are full of shit. Basically every member of ANY wrestling forum. Except for TWF... which only seems to consist of the writers here and Inferno.

I could not take the guy seriously. He was complaining about JBL. It wasn't as much about the shocker, but how he thought there were many other heels to use. He mentioned Booker T, which is possible. But let's face it, he doesn't have great mic skills imo. Did you see his SS commercial? ANNOYING at best. Besides what does he have without kicks? This guy also mentioned a bunch of guys like Sting, RVD, and JEFF JARRET. Um, why would Vince hire Jeff? Why would Jeff leave his Dad's company where he's the top guy and basically throw away the past few years of his life for a mid-card push? This guy also thought Kronik would be a good choice for a return...

Another thing that was odd was hearing this old man say he was only here for the Divas Search. That and how he was drooling over the gymnastics girls that were under 15 on the other TV...

Okay first match was the six man. I swear I must be the only one who bothers to watch SD! anymore. "When did Spike become the CW champ?" Pretty quick stuff and I missed a lot of the action due to those damn nachos. Why did I even order them? I hate sour cream, olives and peppers. Usually I ALWAYS order a burger and fries. Wanted something different, and I learned my lesson. Match ended with a 3D, which seemed out of nowhere.

Till Death Do Us Part. The creepy old man and the dumbass smark were debating this. They were talking about how they'll pull of Lita's pregnant look. That's fine, but then they started to say shit like maybe she's really pregnant. And then the guy said Kane could have knocked her up in real life. I thought that was really stupid. Then he proved his point that things can happen. Look at what happened with Jericho/Trish. I was pretty sure that was a storyline. Because of those guys and my never-ending nachos, I missed the chokeslam. And of course no replay by the Raw team. If I had seen the spot, they'd show it about 10 times.

I thought Cena interupting Orton was a nice touch. I got the feel that I got when Brock/Goldberg first did it at Survivor Series. The US title match I enjoyed a bit, unlike most. I thought it was a little short and then I finally saw it. I saw how weak the FU literally looks. But I still wonder why smarks bitch about it. We did take the Atomic Legdrop as death. And the Stunner was no different then Jeff Hardy's neckbreaker.

IC Title had to be good imo. I was the only Edge Head there too. I wanted Christian, and I didn't get him. Too short. Wasn't this a PPV? Batista had no business in the match. It felt like he was hitting on an audience member when he was standing outside. I could accept that had King brought up a line like, "Batista's just letting those Canadians beat the holy hell out of each other."

Once Eddie/Angle came around, I truly felt the reaction of the place. It was so fucking loud. Things were distracting. They had some TVs with the Olympics (Volleyball girls have nice butts) and one next to the one I watch watching was some nature program. I got distracted at times. I decided I had to piss during the match. I figured it'd be on for 20-30 minutes. There was a TV in the bathroom anyway. I didn't look at it, because if I did I know I'd piss on my shirt. It was pretty quiet in there and I almost
 wanted to stay. I thought this was another good match. Although I do hate Eddie's socks. I had those low cut things.

HHH/Eugene truly had the bar into it. They popped huge for the stunner. The place erupted for Eugene's pedigree. Maybe it was good I was there because the reports say that the Toronto crowd was awful. Regal was a nice touch and a good way to kill over Eugene. Unless of course Toronto did it and that explains why he wasn't on Raw.

Diva Dodgeball. No Carmella. We all know my hate for her. She won, and yet doesn't have to compete. At least the reports claim this wasn't WWE's doing. Still I wonder if Vince is playing off the internet to boost Carmella. ALL the Divas said she should leave. I swear she about to cry during that segment. Either they feel the same as us, or Vince is fucking with me. All the blondes are gone. WTF Vince?

JBL/Taker. Sue me, I was into this fucking match. I was ready to admit to JBL that he delivers, because imo he did. I hated the submissions by Taker though. I could've sworn that Benoit wasn't on SD! anymore. The DQ caught me by surprise and I was happy. Only one face has won and that meant Benoit would retain. The limo spot was a little cheesy and fake, but when was wrestling real?

RKO/Benoit. I was very much into this match. The RKO came out of nowhere and I expected a kickout. Nope. I was in shock and awe at the same time. Took me some time to realize Benoit was no longer the champ. I thought it was gonna be HHH/RKO at Mania? I thought we were going to have a slow build to Evolution's demise. I like this new angle. Evolution kicked Randy out. Does that mean the HHH/RKO match takes place sooner? Does that mean RKO is going over? Does that mean we'll see Cena/RKO at Mania? Is it a champion vs. champion match? Had enough questions yet?

Bottomline, unlike the rest of the IWC I love what WWE spits at me. I thought WM20 was a perfect show and I thought SS was just as good. Look at this Matt Hardy, fucking positivity. Randy Orton is the youngest WWE champion of all time. Although I could have sworn he did not win the WWE title last night. Basically the World Title is the WWE, and the WWE is just some ugly belt. Was the event more enjoyable with the drunk hicks at the sports bar? I think so. They brought something special to the table. I enjoyed the PPV as much as I did my first and only WWE Live Event (SD! house show when Taker was champ and Angle wore a wig). I marked out and fell for every false finish. I hope you enjoyed my column. And remember friends I do actually care what you think. Every writer does, so the whole "I don't give a shit" stint needs to go. Why would you share your ideas with others if you didn't care? Feel free to send feedback via e-mail or at the forum. Thanks for reading either way and don't ever eat nachos...