CLASSICSHMAZZ: "THE COMPLETELY TRUE STORY BEHIND NWO NITRO













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Harry Simon; The self-proclaimed "Trivia MANGOD" has been writing about wrestling off and on for 13 years and counted. Harry has written for Pro Wrestling Illustrated, and had trivia pieces posted on LAW and Wrestling Observer;

 

head.jpgCLASSICSHMAZZ: "THE COMPLETELY TRUE STORY BEHIND NWO NITRO"

Monday December 22 01:02:00 AM

Now it can be told. To the average wrestling fan, the angle that ended the 12/22/97 edition of WCW Monday Nitro was nothing more than the spectacle of Hollywood Hulk Hogan opening a mysterious gift box to find a dummy head made up to resemble his own likeness. In reality, it was the payoff of months of secret negotiations. You see, that was not just any head. It was, in fact, the famous Head that has accompanied Al Snow over the past several weeks in ECW.

The story is a sordid one, indeed. It has been well documented that Tod Gordon left ECW months ago after an unsuccessful attempt to have a mass exodus of ECW talent jump ship and sign with WCW. The plan was a complete failure...or so it seemed. For an unspecified, yet undoubtedly hefty finder's fee, Gordon informed WCW that ECW owner Paul Heyman neglected to sign Head to a long-term ECW contract. WCW promptly opened talks with Head.

But of course, nothing in this business stays a secret for long, and the WWF soon got wind that Head was a free agent. (It is rumored that Head's people actually leaked the news to the WWF in an attempt to play both sides against the middle, a la Bret Hart last year.) A bidding war ensued. At one point, the WWF assumed it to be a lock that Head was coming in, and booked Head to win the '98 Royal Rumble. The WWF wanted Head to join Degeneration X, but Shawn Michaels nixed the idea, as Michaels has major heat with Head (Head has never had anything good to say about Michaels).

However, WCW responded with a huge offer on 12/17 (rumored to be in the high six-figure range), and Head officially signed with WCW on 12/19. Hoping to get a return on their investment immediately, WCW hotshotted Head's debut as the closing angle for the 12/22 Nitro. Hogan opened the box to see Head as Bret Hart and Sting advanced on the ring (the ego clash backstage what with all that star power on at the same time is a story in and of itself, as each one fought with the other three all weekend). It has not yet been decided whether Head will join the NWO or side with WCW. Head's storyline should be furthered at Starrcade this Sunday.

The morale of the ECW locker room has been reported to us as everything from "shaken" to "devastated." "When he heard the news, Taz cried for days," said our source. Head had become disenchanted with ECW over recent weeks. At least one source reports that Head was personally hurt by Stevie Richards working the internet with a story of going to Italy when Stevie was actually laying low to make a surprise return at ECW's November To Remember PPV. Head and Snow had not been getting along as of late, either, as they were on opposite sides of the fence in the Bret Hart-Vince McMahon double-cross controversy.

But the real story may be that the "pie" that is the power base of WCW has now been cut into even thinner "slices." With Head, Hogan, Bret, Sting, Flair, Piper, Savage, Hall, Nash, Raven, and Joey Maggs all struggling for control, experts insist that a backstage blow-up is inevitable. Only time will tell if, to quote Jeff Jarrett, "the investment is worth the 'Head'-aches."
















CLUSTERSHMAZZ

THE GREATEST IM EVER

By Harry Simon

The IM you are about to read is real. Back in mid-2001, I was hailed by a longtime friend of mine. This was the very same day when Vince McMahon announced the folding of the XFL. I will call my buddy "Jack" (as in, ____ Daniels). Jack is a longtime pal and just a damn good guy. Jack loves the WWF. Jake feels that Bret screwed Bret. Jack thinks that Vince really is the higher power. He went to an XFL game and said it was the greatest thing since internet porn. As youre about to discover, young Jack was drunk off his ass when he struck up this conversation. Being the steadfast friend that I am, I decided to just screw with the poor guy. Youve been warned. (And no, it really wasnt Sean.)

Jack says: wazzup

Harry says: hey

Jack says: ma n i am drunk right now

Harry says: cool!

Harry says: still think the XFL is gonna make it?

Jack says: yeh i oh yeahg!!!

Harry says: huh?

Jack says: they might be dow now, but then agin what is a place like that doing in a place like that

Harry says: ????????

Jack says: you know, like for the xfl. wh y is it in a vince mcmahon

Harry says: you're not making any sense, bro

Jack says: ok, like why dont it try it under someone else. it mite work then

Harry says: WHAT?

Jack says: the xfl not under mcman. under someone else. it cood happen

Jack says: but yes u wer right, it did fail. but hay, i had hope

Harry says: I'm gonna copy this conversation and mail it to you

Harry says: lol

Jack says: oh wel!

Jack says: ok wen u do, send me some money cuz im broke right now

Jack says: things suck when u got no cash

Harry says: How much have you had to drink there, buddy?

Jack says: they do suck? !!

Jack says: ah like nothing like 5 bottles

Harry says: of what?

Jack says: of zima haha j/k

Harry says: lol

Jack says: of, uh i forgot let me check

Harry says: ok

Jack says: oh yeah. corona extra

Harry says: ahhhhhhhh...that explains it

Jack says: man that some good shit dude!

Harry says: It sounds like it

Jack says: because i think the xfl would make it under it

Jack says: under some good beer huh

Jack says: whats ur opinion on it my friend

Harry says: The beer or the XFL?

Jack says: the xfl under some good beer

Jack says: doo u think beer would help

Jack says: i think it would. i think thje beer would cause it to get drunk and the cheerleaders wood get naked. there u go instant ratings

Harry says: Dude, this is the single greatest IM ever

Jack says: it is

Jack says: ?#

Harry says: Yup. Greatest IM in the history of our sport

Jack says: HAAAAAAA ssm, that was hilareious~ i think tony shivony would be proud. wood you want him to be proud of you tho?

Harry says: If he were proud of me, I'd be scared

Harry says: Hey, do you think Montreal was really a work?

Jack says: becus why does chyna have that music for anyway.? he doesnt need albert

Harry says: I think Vince McMahon was wrong to screw Bret Hart. Vince is evil

Jack says: oh wait i mean xpac

Harry says: That's a good point

Jack says: HAHAAAA vince is my boy, because u see bret deserved it that bastard, he was gay anyways

Jack says: he wore pink tites for crying ou loud

Harry says: Yeah, but so did Vince

Jack says: where so i did not see this show me

Harry says: Think about it. If Vince wasn't gay why would Patterson be in the federation and we all know that Patterson is gay because Vince is the owner of the company

Jack says: vince is a peerson and too!

Jack says: ah well paterson is a whole nother story u sea.

Harry says: Yeah, but that doesn't explain how WCW lost 65 million dollars last year

Jack says: what do u meen harry, paterson aint even in wcw

Jack says: welp he might be now butt not then!!!!

Harry says: That's what I'm saying...don't you find that a little weird?

Jack says: hm well now that u mension it i guess so, but then why aint trish my wife damit

Harry says: Dude, Trish is a guy. Remember that angle?

Jack says: no see harry thats where your wrong, trish is a sexy bitch

Harry says: You don't remember that angle?

Jack says: no suchh thing but i do remember the one were she barked man that was something

Harry says: I think she should oink next

Jack says: like miss piggy

Harry says: Exactly

Jack says: would u do miss piggy

Harry says: I think Miss Piggy is a lezzie, actually

Jack says: why

Harry says: Dude, ever listen to her? Case closed

Jack says: cuz if i was a piggy i wood do her!

Harry says: attaboy

Jack says: dont tel me you wouldnt cus u would

Jack says: youd be a horny piggy too

Harry says: I dunno...I'm not really into muppets, per se

Harry says: This is the greatest IM ever

Jack says: im not into em ether, im just sayinf if i was a muppet or a piggy

Harry says: ah, I see what you mean, now

Jack says: did u seee sd this past thurs

Harry says: watching it now

Jack says: wasnt it funny seeing crash and spike fight, they were like two little babies

Harry says: yup

Jack says: that wood be funny if visera tried to eat them. instant ratings

Harry says: Then Viscera could do Trish doggie style right there in the ring

Jack says: that would piss me off!!!!!!

Harry says: why?

Harry says: ratings

Jack says: cause shes mine and no one elses damnit

Harry says: I think Test is doing her, actually

Jack says: for real?

Harry says: yup

Harry says: that's the rumor, anyway

Jack says: ah that test he will pay

Harry says: I think he's a homo

Jack says: i hope he e always gets squashed then

Harry says: He will. HHH is a dick

Jack says: HHH IS THE MAN AND HE WILL COME AND FIND YOU IF U TALK BAAD ABOUT HIM AND HE WILL FIND YOU WITH HIS NOSE

Jack says: AND WELL PEDIGREE YOU THROUGH A TABLE!!

Harry says: He's gonna ruin the WWF

Harry says: He's like Kevin Nash

Jack says: bah

Harry says: mark my words

Jack says: if thata is so then why hasbt he killed anyone

Harry says: cuz it's illegal

Jack says: exaactly and that is why he is the man

Harry says: He's a homo

Harry says: think about it

Harry says: HHH = Homo Homo Homo

Jack says: harry=harry as a harry

Jack says: oops wait

Jack says: i meant to say

Harry says: what's that mean?

Jack says: harry as a harry harry

Jack says: get it, a harry harry by the name of harry

Jack says: haaaha

Harry says: are you insulting my honor?

Jack says: no i am insluting your rabbit

Harry says: HOW DARE YOU INSULT MY RABBIT!!! YOU HONORLESS DOG

Jack says: i am sorry tell your rabbit i am sorry

Harry says: ok

Jack says: what did he say

Jack says: http://www.hometheaterforum.com this good dvd site check it out

Harry says: ok

Jack says: did yur rabbit except the apology

Harry says: yeah, but don't piss him off again

Jack says: ok i love him very much he is very fuzzy is he not

Harry says: DUDE! Don't call him fuzzy! You know he hates that!

Jack says: why

Harry says: remember? cuz of the thing that happened that one time

Jack says: oh ok

Jack says: i member

Harry says: There ya go

Jack says: cool

Jack says: so midgets are funny

Harry says: Only the dead ones

Jack says: which ones are thos

Harry says: you know, the blond one and the other guy

Jack says: HAAAAHAAAAAAAAAA

Jack says: YES I DOO!

Harry says: there ya go

Jack says: wells i got tago

Harry says: g'night

Jack says: c ya and take care my good friend

Harry says: take care, bro!

Harry says: This is the greatest IM ever

Jack says: if it is then the xfl will make it you will see

Harry says: