RAW Rant Archive (October 2003)













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 RAW RANT ARCHIVE (October 2003)

Raw Report: (10/06/03)

Kane Vs. Rosey; We get this workrate classic, but atleast their hearts were in the right place, although you can never tell with a shape like Rosey's. Match is plodding and if Kane wasn't so over this one would die a slower death then AL Roker with the flesh eating virus. Kane mercifully ends this one choke slamming Rosey who gassed out faster than a Union Pizza Party....ya that's right.

The Hurricane "come gets him some" and gets trounced because his last name is not McMahon, but the Other Shane who happens to have that last name does make an appearance and attacks Kane and lures him to the back.

After the break we see Kane looking for Shane (who by the way is the most spry spinal trauma victim I've ever seen..."40 foot fall?..That's for Pussies!") Kane enters a production truck and the staff flips out for some reason and screams. "Oh My God, it's a Wrestler!..On a Wrestling show!..For The Wrestling company WE work for!"

Shane lures Shane into a Limo as Kane breaks the glass but uses a board instead of his fists that prompts Goldberg backstage to hit his head with his palm ala Homer Simpson. Shane of course gets out of the Limo and wedges a 2x4 on the accelerator (which are commonly found in the swank transportation of the ultra rich.) The Limo speeds into a Tractor Trailor and 2/3 of it is obliterated presumably with Kane inside.

Gail Kim Vs. Lita; This is some strange booking here placing the two women who blow more spots than anyone (Note to self: Change name to "Spots"....BONG) Lita since joining the group of surgically repaired WWE Stars known as "Degenerated Necks" is very limited in her offense so she pins Gail after a DDT instead of the moonsault.

HHH is shown once again with the spotlight firmly at gunpoint cutting a promo on the $100,000 bounty.

HBK is shown with Stone Cold and he DEMANDS Mark Henry, Tonight. Bleh. WWJD?... I don't think he'd job to Henry, that's for sure.

Scott Steiner Vs. Spike Dudley;Scott Steiner will be playing the role of Test tonight. Eric handpicks Spike for Scott and calls Big Poppa Pump the Real Scott Steiner. O.K., so we'll blame all the shitty matches on the fake Scott then. They cut away during the match backstage and Kane is pulled from the wreckage. Since shooting fire from the turnbuckles does little to prevent vehicular trauma, Kane is busted up... but Alive. Rock must've shown him how to survive one of those. I can picture JR now selling it: "There's probably some idiot out there who says THEY know how to survive being decapitated by a 18 wheeler!..How the Hell do you ytou learn to survive a fiery death!" Anyway back to the match where Steiner dominates Spike and wins with a Flatliner. The Dudley's run in afterward and against my better judgment the "Mark" side of me actually hopes that Rick Steiner would come through the curtain as his brothers behalf, I however slap myself back to reality and Test runs in and pulls Steiner out of harms way. How Sweet.

La Resistance & Rob Conway try to collect the bounty by attacking Goldberg. Whoopi annihilate them all in short order. What happened to their "Push"? Unfortunately the only pushing going on is their collective stools courtesy of one Mr. Patterson...Yay, I'm allowed to make Patterson jokes here..bwahahaha.

Eric gets testimony from an eye witness to the Shane/Kane altercation (as if the 15,000 in the arena and the 3 and a half million watching wasn't enough) Bischoff blames Austin for this. And what jury wouldn't convict Austin here and not Shane who basically premeditated Kane's death. Only in America!

Y2J, Christian, The Coach and Lance Storm come out and complain about a Stone Cold bias towards holding them back and demand the Board of Directors fire Austin. All give testimonials except Lance Storm who is having "fun" apparently. Lance gets beat down but Austin & RVD break it up and Austin makes a Tag match right then and there between RVD & Lance and Jericho & Christian; This whole segment was a vehicle to get Lance over.

Y2J & Christian Vs. Lance Storm & RVD; By far the best match of the night. Lance was actually allowed to tell a better story than the usual 2 to 3 minutes he's allotted. This one ends when Jericho appears to have RVD bested in the Walls but Lance makes the hot tag and nails Jericho with a springboard dropkick and gets the pin.

Replays of The Limo crash again, except it's not the same Limo that Kane smashed up. This one has no sun roof. I'm really starting to think Wrestling isn't real.

Ric Flair & Randy Orton Vs. Garrison Cade & Mark Jindrak; Evolution really seems to be handcuffed to these two, which are for the record the only two men I know who sweat milk. This was painful to watch, not so much because it was bad, but because it was uninteresting. Cade & Jindrak hit the No-Heat seeking Missile on Flair but Orton catches Jindrak with a cookie-cutter and Flair gets the draping arm pin for the duke.

Maven and Flair get into an altercation backstage and apparently they'll wrestle each other next week.

Victoria & Steven Richards Vs. Trish Stratus and a pair of eyebrows; Trish was on tonight and whenever she and Victoria get together the cards always seem to fall where they're supposed to. Maven ends up picking up the win when he catches Richards with The Maven-Effect.

Goldberg Vs. Mark Henry; Did you guys even watch WCW? This match went about 5 minutes too long, oh ya, the match was about 5 minutes in length for the record. This was the worst booking maybe of the year. Henry dominated and Goldberg didn't even get a clean win. Rodney Mack runs in and causes a DQ before Goldberg could finish Henry. What are they protecting Henry for? He's worthless. Fuck You Vince. I'm sick of you. Oh Goldberg spears HBK after the match by accident and gets the post match jack hammer on Henry. Complete shit.

That last match left a bad taste in my mouth, even worse then what Grenier's use to. Imagine if WCW had booked a match between Goldberg and Rick Fuller and then had Fuller dominate Goldberg and Bill not even really win? He'd be dead. It wouldn't surprise me if Goldberg's reign is being sabotaged. "See Vince, He doesn't Draw, maybe we should put the belt back on me...."

It also doesn't take a rocket scientist to see HBK turning on Goldberg next week during their exciting Tag match against Henry & Mack, mark my words.

Highlight: Y2J & Christian Vs. Lance & RVD; It elevated Lance and showcased his abilities something that's not been done since the latter half of 2001. Plus the four of these men have the potential to all put on some quality IC Title matches.

Lowlight: Mark Henry and his "Push". Do I need to say any more?
















Raw Report: (10/13/03)

The show opens with Terri interviewing Ric Flair who claims he pulled a hamstring and can't wrestle Maven, as I shed a single tear ala the Recycling Indian for Maven and his opportunity. HBK is shown entering the arena, and is confronted by Flair and Randy Orton. Flair tries to convince HBK to go for the bounty on Goldberg.

Footage is shown of the Shane/Kane incident from last week. You know the one where Shane tried to murder Kane? Well, as long as he didn't shit in Kane's Gym Bag or watch him get dressed through a peep hole because serious crimes like that could cost you.

Chris Jericho and Christian come out and continue their Anti-Austin rhetoric. They blame Austin for Shane McMahon running wild. They show house show footage of Shane breaking Test's foot. Shane comes out and accepts all responsibility for his actions. La Resistance sans Grenier (who must've "Blown" when Patterson said "Suck" ) who is mysteriously absent. The four heels beat down Shane who actually takes the beating instead of wiping all four out as recent booking might have suggested. The Dudley's run in and drive the heels away and demand a match "Right Now!", but The Jericho led quartet refuse.

Goldberg is trying to get his baggage when a Car tries to run him down. Hmmm, parking lot, bald guy, speeding car. I wonder if Goldberg has ever pissed off any Samoans lately.

Scott Steiner Vs. RVD; Intercontinental Title on the line; This match had the potential to be the worst idea since "Hip Hop Thursdays" at a Honky Tonk bar. Unbelievably enough this one actually goes off without a hitch. By the way, no one has explained to me as of yet why Stacy has to what Steiner says when Steiner "lost" her services. Oh well, this is the same fed where a guy can be decapitated in car crash one week then be in "stable" condition 7 days later. Steiner ends up asking Stacy for a chair but she refuses. Steiner goes to the floor and grabs it himself, RVD attempts a Van-Daminator but BBP ducks and clobbers RVD for the DQ.

RVD crawls back into the nexus of the Universe and is not seen again. Steiner is angry and looks like he's going to hit Stacy with the chair when Stone Cold makes his obligatory "I may not wrestle but I should still be booked as the top guy" appearance. It's a strange world when Austin stands up for women's rights. That's like having David Duke run for the president of the N.A.A.C.P. Austin demands Steiner provoke him, and Scotty responds by dropping him with a punch. Austin gets a grin on his face his destroys Steiner. Stone Cold asks Stacy to share a beer but she refuses. Austin hands it to her but she spits it out, so Austin of course stuns her. Hey, maybe Debra didn't like Beer either?

Maven Vs. Rico; Ric Flair is at the commentators table. Jim Ross makes mention that Rico was a Las Vegas police officer. I wonder what Rico did to those poor people in the drunk tank? Maven ends up winning this semi-squash with a Maven Effect (spinning DDT to the layman, or people who don't get that joke)

Ric Flair runs to the ring and clobbers Maven with a crutch, but fortunately his Count Chocula eyebrows cushion the blow and he'll be back to suck another day.

Rosey and Hurricane are talking backstage and Rosey wants to go change into his super hero costume but Hurricane insists that Rosey do it in a phone booth. Rosey of course gets stuck and HILARITY ensues.

Just a quick comment: Why did Superman need to change in a phone booth? If he could reverse time and run around the entire world in 60 seconds, he could easily fly to the Fortress of Solitude and change his heavy slacks and leave his glasses on the night stand with time to spare. And what happens to the discarded suits left in phone booths? OK, I'm tired, I'll stop babbling....

Dudleys talk to Shane and tell him that Austin made the match with Y2J, Christian and La Rez Version 2.0, and they can select a partner of their choosing and the bout will be a Tables Match.

Goldberg is talking with someone backstage when someone tries to dump some tools on him. The Humanity!Goldberg comes out and is confronted by HBK, who demands to know why Goldberg speared him. Tommy Dreamer runs out and tries to collect the $100,000. (It's funny that he never tried this tactic with Paul Heyman) Goldberg absorbs a few cane shots before decimating Tommy with a spear. HBK grabs the cane and Flair and Orton come out and Flair demands that HBK use it on Goldberg. Mark Henry & Teddy Long come out as well and say that they want the bounty. All this fun brings out Eric Bischoff who makes Flair, Orton & Mark Henry against HBK and Goldberg whom will have to rely on their mutual love of the Heavenly Father to get through this one.

Y2J, Christian, La Resistance Vs. The Dudley Boyz, Shane McMahon and Booker T.; Once again the WWE drops the ball as Booker T. after a three month hiatus comes back to little fanfare. I never understood why people bother tagging when the stipulation states no disqualification. Formulaic match here where the Tables don't really play a part until the end. Spike Dudley runs in and gives Jericho a Dudley Dog. Dudleys hit Christian with a 3D. Rene Dupree eats a Shane-Terminator and to end the match we see Booker deliver a book end to Conway through the table. Decent match with the last 3 minutes being spottier than your grandmothers mottled arms.

After the commercial the faces are in the ring doing spin-a-rooni's when Johnathan Coachman walks out saying he was asked to interview a comatose Kane via live TV feed. The faces grab Coachman and escort him from the ring. They pull off a mask exposing him to be Todd Pentingill..O.K, maybe that was just my version.

Shane insists that he interview Kane, but Shane's gassed out faster than a Pinto with the exception that he doesn't explode when you hit him from behind (unlike Grenier..BONG) Shane goads the unconscious Kane with insults. That's of course enough to bring him out of his coma and attack Dr. Indy Wrestler M.D.. who was standing by his bedside. The only thing worse than this segment was the extremely unflattering baggy boxers Kane was wearing. However part of me would've marked out had he still been wearing his tights for that last insult to our intelligence.

Lita, Trish Stratus & Ivory Vs. Molly Holly, Gail Kim and Victoria. They defrost Ivory from the Cryogenic chamber she's kept in for this one and we're off. Collectively in this match there is more plastic than the entire first line series He-Man toys. Victoria shines the most out of this squad and should be the division centerpiece while Kimbu (credit to Harry Simon) should be given a bus ticket to Louisville. Victoria ends up going for the Widow's Peak but Trish is able to counter into a snazzy sunset flip for the win.

After the match Steven Richards attacks Trish and Chris Jericho makes the save for some reason and this logic causes the limited minds of the first 6 rows of fans to explode ala Scanners.Jericho and Austin meet up backstage and Jericho explains he was just treating a lady like she should be treated (and not wanting to slip Trish the Ol' Canadian Bacon as I had hoped) Austin moves on and runs into OVW guy number # 2467 John Heidenrich, whom gave Austin his ticket several weeks ago. John gives Austin a tape of his matches and wants a tryout. He states "Little Johnny" made it, but leaves before Austin can find out who that is. Terri then asks who tried to run over Goldberg but Austin doesn't care, he wants to go to a bar and get drunk and maybe there'll be lippy broads there too..OK I added that last part. To end this seemingly unending chain of events, Austin passes Rosey still trapped in the phone booth.

HBK & Goldberg Vs. Ric Flair, Randy Orton & Mark Henry; This one is the pretty much the academic squash that last weeks match should have been. HBK carries the workrate here and makes a hot tag to Goldberg who slams Henry and HBK drops the top rope elbow on Big Mizark. HBK connects so there's no tempor tantrum. Michaels planchas onto to Flair & Orton on the floor and Goldberg spears and jack hammers Henry for the win.

HBK superkicks Goldberg after the match, obviously still sore over that whole thing with Goldberg's people and Jesus 2000 years ago. HBK yells "Now we're even!" He then eats a pork sandwich in defiance... Ok, maybe not, but he was emotional. Bischoff comes down and makes Goldberg Vs. HBK for next week, but one has to wonder who Jehova will be rooting for in this one.

 

-This was not nearly as offensive a show as last week. There wasn't one standout match but nothing stunk up the joint either so I'll give it the old Sean stamp O' Approval.

Highlight: The Goldberg/ HBK interaction; If they book HBK right and if he's wearing his working boots, the match next week with Goldberg may at least be somewhat compelling if not a workrate classic. If it's a vehicle to have the returning Kevin Nash return to an undeserved main event slot, I will cut out my eyes now.

Lowlight: Kane and the "Medical Facility". Corny TV at it's finest. The least they could have done is hire an intelligible person to portray the "Doctor" plus Shane sucking more air then Jenna Jameson after a circle blow didn't help delivery

 

Raw Report (10/20/03)

Stone Cold comes to the ring to open the show and states that he has a note asking him to meet him in the ring. It turns out to be Test who is on crutches selling his broken foot and Stacy is with him as well. Test demands an apology from Austin and unless you were Stevie Wonder you could see this coming a mile away. Austin refuses and gives Stacy a quiz on how to avoid physical abuse: When Stone Cold offers you a beer you: A) Decline politely B) Ignore Stone Cold and walk away or C) Drink until you pass out;...Unfortunately for Stacy there is no D) which would be a restraining order plus a well placed call to Mongo. Bottom line here is that Stacy pushes Test into Austin thus provoking him. Austin academically stuns Test as a result. Bischoff then appears on the screen and proposes a 5 on 5 Survivor Series match with both Austin and Bischoff handpicking their respective teams. The stipulations would see if Stone Colds team wins the provoking rule dropped and if Bischoffs team wins, then Stone Cold quits as GM. The camera pans out and Jericho and Steiner are there and declared part of Bischoffs team.

Austin accepts the match then asks for beers. Stacy catches one and the two get drunk. Stacy engulfs 4 beers in a row. Jerry Lawler then grinds what looks like white powder into beer number 5 and offers it to Stacy...Ok I made that last part up.

Obligatory McMahon appearance is next as Shane paces backstage waiting for Kane.

Dudley Boyz Vs. La Rez version deux; This is for the World Tagteam Title; Bubba is wearing a large banner on his arm that reads "HAWK". Match is underway and for a minute there I thought Rene forgot how to throw dropkick-note sarcasm. All kidding aside, now that Grenier is healing his "Back" which is French for "Ass", Dupree seems to have extra spring in his step, although that could be the benwa balls. Dudleyz win this one with the Dooms Day Device on Conway as a tribute to Hawk. I just think it's sweet that they're honouring that guy from Tough Enough 2 ....Huh? oh.......

After the commercials we learn that Jericho & Steiner will wrestle Lance Storm and RVD tonight. Jericho and Steiner bicker over who should be in charge, with Steiner coming out as coherent as Marlee Matlin with a mouth full of marbles.

Backstage again and Terri "gotta be blowing somebody" Runnels interviews Flair and Orton. They insist someone will collect the bounty tonight. After they leave Booker T. gets interviewed. Orton returns and the two exchange words. Booker asks Orton if he's ever been Tag, IC and 5 time WCW Champ, he forgets however to ask him if he's ever been buried by HHH. (Although he'll find that out by Wrestle Mania) Booker then bitch slaps Orton to end the segment.

Randy Orton Vs. Booker T.; This one is in progress as we return from the commercials. Lawler seems preoccupied with Orton and how he's wrestling in Street clothes. I guess Undertaker & Nash's pants are special? For the record I'm going to go to the Gap and ask for "street clothes" just see their reaction. This one shmazz's out when Orton walks out taking the count out loss, although things would have likely been different had he not been wearing pants...

Booker announces he's part of Austin's team at Survivor Series.

The World Title match between Goldberg and HBK is apparently next but as Goldberg comes out of his closet err "Dressing room" he gets blasted by Mark Henry who's "push" has more lives than Lazarus.

The Trainer is back with Goldberg as Austin and HBK inquire if the match is still on. Just for the record, isn't it ironic that the man the WWE calls Trainer is morbidly obese?

Scott Steiner & Y2J Vs. RVD & Lance Storm's cabbage patch; This one was very solid when Lance and Jericho were in. Steiner was up to his usual standards but RVD had an off night, working sloppier than Michael J. Fox eating a meatball sub. Steiner sneaks a chair shot in on RVD who is going for rolling thunder (he'll have to settle for rolling something else..BONG) and Jericho hits the Lionsault for the win.

Bischoff goes backstage and accuses Goldberg of feigning injury to get out of his Title match. Goldberg grabs Bischoff and says it's on.

They show a tribute to Stu Hart.

Orton is shown backstage when he's confronted by "Two tall kids who spinebuster and should be Over by Gawd!" or at least that's what Vince and JR call them. Cade and Jindrak say they're here to collect the bounty and steal the brief case of money and take off. (perhaps to buy personalities)

Flair confronts Orton who does a great job of conveying his worry about the money. He tells Flair to go ahead for his match without him.

Trish Stratus & Lita Vs. Molly Holly & Victoria; Gail Kim is auspicious by her absence and by auspicious I mean not at all missed. Decent match until Lita the "Human Spot-blowing Machine" tags in. Eventually it comes back to Trish and Victoria and Steven Richards gives Victoria an assist allowing her to pin Trish. Steven looks like he'll attack the women post match when Christian makes the save this time for Lita, exposing this whole Jericho thing with Trish as a ruse before it happens, in another pea-brained booking for idiots who can't catch subtlety.

Maven Vs. Ric Flair; You know collectively these two combined are one handle bar mustache away from creating the best pair of novelty glasses ever. They have a good match with the incredible Flair taking a back body drop on the arena floor. Maven ends up going for a reverse roll up but Flair rolls through and grabs the tights for the pin to elicit a big pop from the crowd which usually means they like you and not the other guy you're pushing, but hey logic is about as dirty a word in WWE as "Barry O".

Orton is backstage still looking for the money. Flair comes up to him and Randy finally tells him that he lost it. Flair completely flips out. Orton says that Cade & Jindrak's car is still here so they haven't left the arena yet.

Cops go running past them and find Kane entering the arena.

After the break we see Kane being accompanied by said cops. Kane cuts a very intense heel promo on enjoying all the carnage, including a comment that hurting people "turns him on" and that "No" has always meant "Yes" as an inside rib to all the smarts still sore over the Katie Vick storyline. Kane ends up accepting Shane's match proposal for Survivor Series.

They show Cade and Jindrak trying to leave the parking lot by they get attacked by a man wielding a 2x4, which of course is HHH who couldn't resist not swinging his stunt cock on camera for more than 2 weeks.

HHH confronts Flair and Orton backstage, and in the funniest moment of the night Flair sells out Orton instantly, quickly declaring that Randy has lost the money. HHH tells Randy not to let it happen again and gives him back the brief case.

Goldberg Vs. HBK; One has to wonder if Bret Hart secretly wanted the ring to open up swallowing both of these guys. This match was actually very solid, as HBK pulled out the Ol' Sid Vicious miracle here. Goldberg hits some of his token offense that HBK sells like a champ. After Baby Earl eats an accidental spear by Goldberg, HBK actually connects on Goldberg with a superkick (Sweet Irony you are a cruel mistress!) Before either man can finish, Batista makes his return and pulls out HBK and decimates Goldberg with a sitout Powerbomb before doing the Austin/Pillman steel chair/ankle spot. Batista apparently collects the bounty, and it looks like we'll get a Goldberg Vs. Batista match out of the deal; I'm going with the still green muscular guy who is injury prone in this one.


This show was not that bad by RAW standards, but it may have been my mood that may or may not have been somewhat hampered by heavy medicine.

Highlight: Goldberg Vs. HBK; After seeing a sampling, I'd actually pay for the rematch on PPV. I also was very entertained by the Flair/Orton interactions and Randy tonight was more like the "RNN" Randy Orton of old.

Lowlight: There really wan't anything bad tonight. I'm just glad that it wasn't the neon head of Big Kev doing the "walk-in" tonight in the Main Event so I can't bash anything other than maybe the Christian run-in that spoiled in my opinion what was as good storyline (Trish & Jericho)

RAW Report: (10/27/03)

The show opens up with Evolution sans Triple H who as we speak is smacking the ass of Steph and riding that wave in. Flair goes insane then hands the mic to Batista(?!) who states he was the one trying to get to Goldberg all these weeks (as if the beating he gave Goldberg last week didn't give that away). Randy Orton gets the mic and demands Goldberg be stripped of the World Title and it be returned to HHH. This brings Bischoff out who has a bag with him, (there is no stench, so we know it doesn't belong to Sable) and it contains Goldberg's World Title. Bisch is about to return the Title by virtue of Goldberg's "injury" when Steve Austin makes an appearance (it's funny that the backstage always seems to have Austin's theme cued as if it was pre-planned or something...) Anyway, long story short, Austin makes HHH Vs. Goldberg for Survivor Series.

Trish and Lita are backstage standing around in their underwear talking (as all women do...What?....YES They do, damn it!). Anyhoo, apparently Jericho left a message on Trish's answering machine and Lita wants to get to the bottom of this. (Why not just ask Gerwertz who wrote the whole thing?)

Booker T. Vs. Rico; Ross once again informs us that Rico was a Las Vegas Police officer, making me feel pity for those who were subjected to cavity searches. Good exchanges here albeit short. Booker ends up hitting the "ask" kick for the win.

Jericho comes out before Booker can do his post-match spin-a-rooni. Jericho bates Booker into a three on one assault by himself Christian and Scott Steiner's pants. The cage lowers but thankfully it's moving slower than an all Down Syndrome edition of Jeopardy so RVD is able to run out and clean house.

After the break, Jericho and Bischoff are seen backstage enraged. Jericho wants a chance to get to Steve Austin by facing RVD for the IC Title tonight and Bisch agrees;

Mark Henry Vs. Lance Storm. Fresh off of wiping out 2/3 of Arnold's Platoon in Predator, Mark Henry and Theodore Long demand a "white boy" and they get Lance Storm, who does the famous Dungeon cabbage-patch (note sarcasm). This is another short match that sees HBK run out and superkick Henry for his sins.

Lita asks Christian what's going on with him and Jericho. Christian reveals that Lita and him have a past and are "friends". However, the Matt Hardy DNA stain on her Daisy Dukes might suggest otherwise.

La Resistance Version Deux Vs. The Hurricane & John "The new Kurrgan" Heidenreich; Heidenreich looks like he's been basting in butter for three weeks, and hopes to be browned and served in time for Thanksgiving. Conway continues to improve here and he and Hurricane carried the match. Heidenreich gets the tag and cleans house with his "Hoss-like" offense which basically entails sloppily throwing guys around with little if any skill. Heidenreich hits a Rock Bottom (not to be confused with Patterson's "Cock Bottom" that Grenier is being taught as we speak) on Conway for the win which Ross calls a choke slam. After the match The Hurricane/Heidenreich tandem exchange manly hugs with Army personnel at ringside before John slides back in and gives Dupree a wedgied Rock Bottom (although, having something uncomfortable forced up your ass is par for the course with La Resistance).

Test Vs. Shane McMahon; Test comes down and says he's here to announce the mystery opponent for Shane, but attacks Shane himself. Test during the match keeps motioning for Kane to interfere but he's a no show. After a few chair shots by Shane that are stiffer than Al Wilson on his wedding day, he sets up the Shane-Terminator but Test has the good sense this time to spread his legs (Usually Terri Runnel's patented finisher) and Shane hits it for the win (although the visual of Test holding onto the trash can himself kind of wrecked the visual..... Shane: "Hey Test, could you be a pal and hold this?").

Kane comes out finally and the two will have an "Ambulance match" which is Wrestling code for "gimmicked piece of shit"...OK, maybe that's harsh but after what both characters have been put through, what in the world (bar Shane dying) could top it?

Lita Vs. Trish Stratus Vs. Victoria Vs. Gail Kim; Very solid match here. Victoria to me is the most improved talent in the company. Lita ends up coming back from the widows peak and hitting a great DDT on Victoria to win and earn the right to meet Molly at the PPV as they attempt to milk Lita's comeback for all it's worth, although I'd prefer to milk Lita herself...or at least try to.

Coach is seen backstage with Jan the makeup lady who is applying the make up that makes Coach appear to be "black".

Johnathan Coachman comes out and nearly sucks the life out of what has been a surprisingly solid night of TV. He reviews Steve Austin's book saying it's full of lies. This of course brings out Stone Cold who basically promises to beat the shit out of Coach when his team goes over.

Garrison Cade and Mark Jindrak are being interviewed backstage by Terri when HBK butts in and says that he enjoyed them stealing the hundred grand last week (which last time I checked was still against one of God's rules...). Michaels encourages them to take things up a notch tonight.

Shawn is then confronted Teddy Long who challenges HBK for next week on behalf of Mark Henry, then finally Bischoff who has him removed from the building.

Garrison Cade & Mark Jindrak Vs. Ric Flair & Randy Orton; Batista and Maven are in respective corners. Jindrak & Cade play the role of a broomstick here as Flair carries the tempo. Flair ends up going for a reverse rollup but Maven hits the devastating "phantom clothesline" that Flair fails to sell at first because of the you know..no physical contact thing. Jindrak rolls through and pins Flair for the win.

Batista goes ape shit after and annihilates the trio with powerbombs and spinebusters.

RVD Vs. Chris Jericho; Intercontinental Title at stake; RVD's timing was a little off at first but when your dressing room resembles a Cheech and Chong Volkswagen van what do you expect? Jericho ends up snatching Rob's legs and applying the walls but Bischoff runs in and distracts the referee while Van Dam got to the ropes. With the official still distracted Y2J pulls Rob into the center and forces the tap out to win the title. (His 6th for the record which is now tied for the all time record with Jeff Jarrett.) "Hello WWF, my name is continuity......What do you mean you don't know me?".....

Austin of course rectifies the situation by restarting the bout as a steel cage match. RVD hits an ultra snug kick to Jericho's face as he continues to throw more potatoes than an Irish protestor, but atleast it looks good visually. Both men try to exit the cage, RVD over the top and Jericho through the door. RVD ends up kicking the door into Y2J's face as he's climbing the outside and drops to the floor to win the title.

-Thumbs up to this weeks show for once, this of course can't have anything to do with the honeymooning Steph and Trips who for once were nowhere to be seen....

Highlight: Good Wrestling. Every match was well put together (except Henry Vs. Lance but that was far too short to tie the laces on those clown shoes)

Lowlight: Giving any on-air time to Johnathan Coachman. Let's give the quarter hours to the wrestlers or Mark Henry.